Grade my Essay please! 1st timer!

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
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<p>This is the first essay I ever wrote for the SATs. Please grade it, and be kind enough to recommend how I can improve! Thanks!</p>

<p>The topic is: Technology promises to make our lives easier, freeing up time for leisure pursuits. But the rapid pace of technological innovation and the split second processing capabilities of computers that
can work virtually nonstop have made all of us feel rushed. We have adopted the relentless pace
of the very machines that were supposed to simplify our lives, with the result that, whether at
work or play, people do not feel like their lives have changed for the better.
Adapted from Karen Finucan, "Life in the Fast Lane" 1
Assignment: Do changes that make our lives easier not necessarily make them better?</p>

<p>Technology brought with itself many changes that reshaped our lives. How something affects our lives depends on how we use it. I have seen both the positive and negative effects of the technological revolution myself.
When my grandfather moved away from home for higher education in the early 20th century, he was confined to use the snail mail for contacting his family at home. This was not only a clumsy and time-taking method, but also required a lot of effort. However, when I had to move away from home for my 11th grade, I relied on the convenient MSN Messenger to not only connect instantly to my family, but also to talk to them for unlimited periods of time. This was made possible only through the advances in technology.
Yet, the Internet also had a detrimental effect on my studies. Soon I was seen squandering time, chatting with my friends for hours at length, sharing files and watching movies instead of completing my homework. These were distractions which I am sure my grand father did not have to face! These not only resulted in bad grades at school, but also a declining GPA. I now had to work hard to maintain my GPA, which made life difficult
After viewing these observations, one can realize that whether technology makes our lives easier or not depends on the way one makes use of the technology. I could have just stuck to using MSN Messenger for connecting to my family, and have devoted the rest of my time to studies, but it was my volition to waste time. The declining grades I received were not a result of the using technology, but rather the ‘wrong’ use of technology. It is always in one’s own hand: either to use technology positively and have an easier time, or not to realize the wrong use of technology, and get oneself into difficulty.</p>

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<p>probably 10, i think.</p>

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<p>8 i think? it's good but seems a little short</p>

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<p>8 or 9; it's rather well-written but there are some redundencies and errors and you only use personal examples (historical and/or literary, even if you make them up, tend to be better).</p>

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<p>Thanks people! Ill try to make it longer next time, and include historical examples!</p>

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<p>also....it's an SAT essay..so it requires you to take a side. :) (At least that's what my SAT class/teachers say)</p>

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<p>Well, I had a friend who qualified on her essay and she got an 8. So I guess it's acceptable.</p>

<p>Your essay is probably an 8 or 9. Length does matter, but what you have is pretty solid =)</p>

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<p>Hmm thanks! And I was wondering if its anywhere in the BB that I can't give personal examples, or that I really have to choose a side...</p>

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<p><<<bump>>></bump></p>

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<p>Personal examples are absolutely fine. It says so in the directions. =)</p>

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<p>Though fine, personal examples aren't as usually as strong as historical/literary examples.</p>

<p>Also, it's usually easier to write an essay where you just pick a side rather than qualify a statement.</p>