Grade my essay, please? Constructive criticism appreciated.

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
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<p>Would you kindly grade my essay for SAT? I flipped through my book and picked a topic from random and did it in 24 minutes. Wrote it on paper for the "feel" of it and now i'm typing it down here. Criticism is much appreciated; there is always room for improvement. </p>

<h2>Assignment : Is the struggle endured to achieve success more important than the accomplishment itself? </h2>

<p>Our lives are undoubtedly riddled with challenges to tackle and obstacles to overcome no matter what the age, gender, race, religion, or social status. People strive to achieve great things but more often than not, they fail. Nevertheless at the end of the day, they take pride in their battlescars, happy with the fact that they have at least tried their best despite the outcome. Some things are remembered more for their struggles but in the end, I believe the mere attainment of any accomplishment outshines the struggles attributed to achieving it. </p>

<p>The struggle endured can be looked at from both sides of the spectrum. Bodybuilders lift tremendous weights and constantly push their bodies to carry even more in the hopes that the resistance will, in turn, develop larger biceps to counteract the weight. Bodybuilders pride themselves in the many pounds they can lift as it resembles the amount of resistance they have trained their bodies to carry. The struggle in their daily exercise routine pays off with a well-sculptured body that required months of hard work and perseverance. The struggle the bodybuilder experiences is the main reason of his physique that most can only dream of. </p>

<p>Struggle necessary for the attainment of something is observed in nature as well. Through the metamorphosis process, the young butterfly struggles to push itself to break free from its chrysalis. Through this process, the underdeveloped butterfly pushes the necessary fluids into its wings for it to stretch open and be functional. The beauty of a butterfly in flight is solely attributed to the struggle it went through. </p>

<p>On the other hand, famous men and women of both past and present and remembered more for their accomplishments they did rather than the struggles they went through. In every biography, the book highlights the turmoils they face on their journey but ultimately it is because of their accomplishments that make people remember them in the first place. No doubt, a struggle makes a plot "exciting". A screenplay wouldn't be very interesting without an opposing force to the protagonist and in the same way, a book is nothing without struggles to make it a better read, People wish for that happy ending in the conclusion. </p>

<p>The sheer pleasure of accomplishment of a mountainous magnitude is far sweeter than the struggle experienced to get there. The struggles are merely bumps along the road to greatness. </p>

<p>Thank you very much for reading my work. Kindly share on the areas where I could improve on. Thank you once again!</p>

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<p>what the age, gender, race, religion, or social status</p>

<p>Of what, the obstacles? Grammatically confusing.</p>

<p>I’ll come back later with a closer read when I’m not on an iPod that’s about to die :)</p>

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<p>Apologies. That sentence was referring to people. Would probably make more sense if rewritten " … to overcome no matter what our age, gender, etc etc."</p>

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<p>Hi, I’m back! And yes, I like that rephrasing.</p>

<p>they take pride in their battlescars
*battle scars</p>

<p>I believe the mere attainment of any accomplishment outshines the struggles attributed to achieving it.
^ I’m not sure what your actual thesis is here. “Your struggles don’t matter because succeeding is more important”?</p>

<p>physique that most can only dream of.
^ Generally frowned upon to end a sentence with a preposition.</p>

<p>On the other hand, famous men and women of both past and present and remembered more for their accomplishments they did rather than the struggles they went through.
^ This sentence exemplifies the main issue I have with your essay. You are likely to get low marks because you are using such vague examples. “Bodybuilders,” “butterflies,” and “some famous people”–not “Frank Zane, the famous bodybuilder,” “the monarch butterfly,” and “Franklin D. Roosevelt.” Anybody can slap some generalizations on paper. Unfortunately, the SAT essay is not really targeted to “well-written” papers. They value writers who can pull out personal, literary, and historical evidence to support their point, and your essay is all generalization and no detail.</p>

<p>Also, flesh out your conclusions, because two sentences do not a conclusion make.</p>

<p>Overall, before you write another practice essay, I would look up examples of high-scoring essays. (<a href=“http://www.■■■■■■■.com/blog/test-prep/the-sat-essay-a-perfect-6/”>http://www.■■■■■■■.com/blog/test-prep/the-sat-essay-a-perfect-6/&lt;/a&gt;) This site, for example, has an essay that references The Great Gatsby, Alexander the Great, and Britney Spears. SPECIFIC examples, not just “famous people” or “some books.”</p>

<p>Good luck on your next practice essay! SAT writing is a different style, and it’s one that, in my opinion, doesn’t truly test writing ability, only how much BS you can put down on a page in 25 minutes. It’s difficult to achieve what they want.</p>

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<p>Silly link.</p>

<p><a href=“http://www”>http://www</a> . k n e w t o n . com/blog/test-prep/the-sat-essay-a-perfect-6/</p>

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<p>Assignment:
Do people accomplish more when they are allowed to do things in their own way? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
Yes people do accomplish more if they are allowed to do things in their own ways as it can help them to create their own style and comfort zone. For example worlds best search engine suceeded only when they had created their own way of making a relaible source and the great painter MF hussain who could not become sucessful until he started painting in his own style and mahatma Gandhi the man who helped india to attain freedom from the britishers</p>

<p>Google the worlds best search engine was just an odinary search engine until 1990’s but it became sucessful when the CEO of the company adapted a new idea , the company designed a system by which the number of links pertaining to certain website determined its usefulness. Because of this feature it bolstered their existing program and google became the most succesful company if google had used the same hackyneyed way of determing a websites usefulness then it wouldn’t have suceeded. This idea helped google to improve and ape the search engines.</p>

<p>MF hussain one of the worlds most renowned painter of the 20th century used to sell his paintings on the streets of mumbai in india, he used to paint what others told him to paint and due to this his techniques and style was considered prosaic but when he started painting his imagination on the sheets he became the most succesful painter of his time he did not paint other peoples imagination but started painting his own ideas what made him sucessful he created his own style. </p>

<p>MK Gandhi also known as the leader of the freedom fighter who had a major role to free india from britishers. He did not believe in violence and belligerence but he believed in “satyagraha” i.e non violence he did not adopt oppressive policies against the britishes but he freed india with the means of non cooperation which made the people of india more independent and decreased the power of the britishers. He did not adopt the same aggressive policies against the britishers but satyagraha which helped india to attain freedom against the britishers</p>

<p>if people are allowed to do any work or task in their own way then they do become more sucessful. it can bolster the persons self confidence which is the main determinant for a person to be sucessful. As it is said by Einstien “People become sucessful only if they open the doors of their imaginantion”.</p>

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<p>please grade my essay</p>