Grade my essay, Please! I will grade yours in return!

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Grade my essay please! It would be a great help! If you have an essay to grade, I can do that for you! </p>

<p>Prompt:

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Should people make more of an effort to keep things private

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<p>
[quote]
“Nowadays, nothing is private: our culture has become too confessional and self-expressive,” was written in “The Genesis of Shame” by Velleman. Examples from Social Networking, celebrity lives, and court cases substantiate the claim that people should make more of an effort to keep things private. By keeping things private, physical and mental well being are preserved from deterioration.</p>

<pre><code>Recent news has been overwhelmed by the Casey Anthony Trial. In 2008, the daughter of Casey Anthony, Caylee Anthony, was declared missing. During a 3 year period, it was found that Casey Anthony had partied for a month after the disappearance of her child, whose body was found in woods nearby; this led to prosecution. In what was a controversial court case decision that was kept open to the public by the justice system, Casey Anthony was found innocent. Had the jury decided to close the case to the public, it would not have created such an emotional controversy. Due to these intensified feelings, both Anthony and the jurors cannot reside at their homes peacefully. If this case was kept private, this outcome could have been avoided.

In 2004, a girl named Miranda Oscar was kidnapped and later found dead. A couple of months earlier, the 14 year old had created a Face Book account, neglecting the privacy options. She made many “friends”, including one she ended up meeting in real life to “hang out”. Five days later, her body was found in the local park. If Miranda had kept her information, photos, etc. private, she would have now been a 21 year old, perhaps studying in college.

The very public lives of celebrities, characterized by false privacy, oft lead to mental and physical breakdowns. Britney Spears, a prominent singer/dancer, shot up to fame after her first single. After a number of public occurrences, with no effort on her part to avoid such things, she checked into rehab, frustrated with her life. After that, her life, out in the open, began to deteriorate further and further. If her privacy had been respected and she had attempted to keep things more private, her career would probably still be flourishing.

J. David Velleman said, “People think that to hide one’s thoughts…is to pretend not to have those thoughts…” After a careful analysis of examples from social networking, celebrity lives, and publicized court cases, one can say that people should make more of an effort to keep things private.
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<p>Thanks!</p>

2

<p>I would say an 8</p>

3

<p>I don’t really know how to got about explaining what you did right or wrong but briefly I’d just say that I’d give this essay a 4-5, in total probbaly a 8 maybe a 9.</p>

4

<p>I have to agree with the majority; 8-9. Now you have great ideas, but you don’t develop them. While reading about Britney Spears, your paragraph was so succinct. Given, it was your last body paragraph and you were most likely rushed, it happens. However, your first two can definitely go on. </p>

<p>Your particular examples are good. Now I’m assuming the exact quote you received on the test paper was “Nowadays, nothing is private: our culture has become too confessional and self-expressive,” was written in “The Genesis of Shame” by Velleman. You can do a lot with that. Your social networking and celebrity examples are fantastic to say the least. However, I personally always, and I mean always (I’ve written over 120 SAT essays) wrote about a book example as well. Privacy is in almost every single High School Required (Summer) reading books. Reading the prompt, I immediately started thinking about The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne. I’ll provide a basic synopsis (not sure if you’ve read it or not). Protagonyist, Hester Prynne, is a married woman living in the colonies of America. Her husband got lost on the nourney over; m,arried by law, she gives into temptation by having an affair with a Minister and has a child. Now you can run with this book in two ways:
A) Privacy is good: Hester finally escaped her lonely life of damnation by engaging in such a passionate relationship.
or
B) Privacy is bad: Minister (very guilty) punished himself because of this private matter. Another book that works perfectly is The Awakening by Kate Chopin. Again, I’ll provide a synopsis because I’m not sure what you’ve read or not. Basically, a woman in a Victorian woman society is married to a rich big-shot who gives her everything she desires. He is an overpowering man type figure. She goes on a summer vacation and becomes attached to music, art, and another man. Returning home, she moves on and leads a life of privacy in which she thrives. Again, two possible routes:</p>

<p>A) Privacy is good: The main character leads a private life where for once, she is actually happy. This enlightenment could not be found in broad daylight.
B) Privacy is bad: Ultimately, she cheated on her husband and abandoned her children by engaging in a private life. </p>

<p>I felt your essay was just a little repetitive; the celebrity examples just kept coming. Try varying it up, that will get you to the 10/12 mark on your essays. I don’t mean to be rough at all, and I’m sorry if I’ve come off as being rude in any way, shape, or form. I just see a lot of potential in your essay, and you should definitely take advantage of it. So try writing less of the “same idea.” Perhaps:</p>

<p>Body 1: Book
Body 2: Celebrity, real life examples, news, etc.
Body 3: Another book, or real life example.</p>

<p>Also, your vocabulary is good, but it could be better. Sit down and make a list of “fancy” SAT words that basically have very simple meanings (for example, succinct means short). Cautiously sprinkle some SAT vocabulary in (never force it, readers are trained to see through it) and you can really get a high grade. Hope I helped, best of luck! :)!</p>

<p>~Aceventura74</p>

5

<p>Thanks for the responses guys! </p>

<p>really big thanks to you, Aceventura74!
I just had a question, if you don’t mind answering it.</p>

<p>What do you mean by I was writing the “same idea”? </p>

<p>Also, wow, I haven’t read either of those books; but I will be researching examples, so it should only get better :)</p>

<p>Oh, I heard we shouldn’t use “SAT” vocabulary in the essay before; so it’s ok if we do? </p>

<p>Thanks so much, if I can get into the double digits, I might hopefully get an 800 on the Writing part! I usually only get 1 or 2 MC wrong</p>

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<p>When I said the same idea, I merely skimmed your essay; upon closer inspection I was wrong. I thought your second body paragraph dealt with another court case similar to the first body paragraph. No, you’re ideas are fine, you just need to develop them more. I’d be more than happy to keep reading your sample essays if you private message me. As far as books go, The Scarlet Letter (by Nathanial Hawthorne), The Awakening (by Kate Chopin), To Kill A Mockingbird (by Harper Lee), 1984 (by George Orwell), Animal Farm (by George Orwell [my personal favorite book]), Macbeth (by Shakespeare), Hamlet (by Shakespeare), and Romeo and Juliet (by Shakespeare) are some books to have knowledge about. They can literally cover every single prompt from creativity (for example, The Awakening) to technology (for example, 1984 and Animal Farm). If you have time (and it is summer for most students) I suggest you Sparknote those books, understand the plot summary, characters, and themes. Don’t withdraw them from your library and read them; you’ll miss all the main points and end up at Sparknotes trying to make sense of it anyway, so save yourself the time, energy, and effort which you can use towards SAT prep instead. By sparknoting them, you can get general ideas which you can then mold and answer any SAT essay with. </p>

<p>As far as “SAT” vocabulary goes, I was told the exact opposite; you SHOULD use it. Almost all 12 essays you read have upper level vocabulary (check Blue Book samples and online ones from CB website). SAT vocabulary is a must, and there are so many simple words that you can use. I came up with a list of about…50 that I was able to apply which assimilated into my lexicon (haha, get it? nerd humor ftw). Great examples which are solidly developed will get a 10-11, however the vocabulary pushes you to the 12. However, make sure you use it appropriately, don’t use words out of context; for example the word succinct. Succinct means “short” as in “This sentence is succinct.” Don’t say “The dwarf was succinct.” Despite meaning short, the second example with the dwarf is using succinct out of context. The key word is “sprinkle.” Don’t inundate your essay with them; readers will lower your score for that guaranteed. However, if used properly, they can turn a good essay into a great essay. So yes, use SAT vocabulary in your essay. </p>

<p>One small tip, not sure if I mentioned this before; fill up ALL the space on the answer sheet dedicated to the essay. Every single line must be occupied. While friends of mine liked to show off writing one page essays receiving 12s, its a gamble and not worth it. Just fill up the space; that shows the grader that you’re at least giving it your all.</p>

<p>“if I can get into the double digits”
Of course. I did. On my first SAT essay, I scored a solid 6 (that is 3 and 3 from two different graders). Yes, I was devastated and scared; section 1 is the essay, a beast. However, it can easily be conquered. You WILL be able to do well on the essay, and by well I mean double digit well. A 12 is very do-able, because the SAT essay is a formula; graders are trained to see a bunch of things in order to give you a score, and once you master them, you’re set. I scored a 12 on my SAT essay. Since I started with a 6, you can tell I’m no genius gifted in the arts of writing haha. So, its do-able. Just practice, and you can do it! Hope I helped, good luck! I’d be more than happy to answer any other questions schoolisfun, so don’t be shy. :)!</p>

<p>~Aceventura74</p>