Grade my essay please! (short)

<p>Hi all-- I wrote this essay to the prompt: Can knowledge be a burden rather than a benefit?</p>

<pre><code> One might suppose that a surfeit of knowledge can be harmful or uncontrollable. However, knowledge truly is power. Several examples from literary works clearly demonstrate that knowledge is always a benefit.
The pursuit and acquisition of knowledge can save the world from baleful circumstances. In Ayn Rand's novella Anthem, Equality, a young, intelligent, and curious street sweeper in Rand's dystopic communist society has a longing to discover true knowledge and pleasure. Finally having discovered electricity in an abandoned tunnel, Equality seeks to better mankind with his newfound way to dominate nature. However, while this knowledge is a burden because Equality gets admonished by his "brothers" for having acted egotistically in solidarity, in the end, this is outweighed by the fact that he now has the knowledge that he is an individual. Absent this knowledge, he would have lived in ignorance of the true human potential: unfettered, yet entirely suppressed by the logic of the collective.
Furthermore, while certain knowledge can have unwanted repercussions, it is ultimately beneficial. In Ray Bradbury's novel Dandelion Wine, Douglas Spaulding truly realizes that he is alive when he is out picking berries with his father and brother. However, with this knowledge came the burden of coming to terms with what it truly means to be alive: that one's friends will come and go, that happiness can sadden, and that one must categorically live in the present. On the other hand, Doug realizes that the aforementioned phenomena are actually what constitute a full life: that while suffering can hurt, it is not wise to dwell on it for a new day will come; a life of complete hedonism only serves to mask the realities of a truly beautiful life.
Lastly, even though knowledge is almost always accompanied by resistance, it is necessary for our relationships. In Ray Bradbury's novel Fahrenheit 451, books and knowledge have been censored and people have been distracted by inconsequential trivia in order to stop conflicts of opinions. However, it is this very conflict of opinions that allows us to appreciate the albeit inchoate world for what it really is; through the unfettered pursuit of truth, we allow our relationships with others, our environment, and ourselved, to grow.
After a careful analysis of Anthem, Dandelion Wine, and Fahrenheit 451, the benefits of knowledge indeed outweigh its burdens. Lest we censor our lives of happiness, censoring our lives of suffering and knowledges can only destroy us.
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<p>Thanks!!!</p>

<p>A 5 or 6 from me (one reader score). Surfeit is not quite the right word, because it has negative connotations and creates a valance in your premise. Two errors in the last 3 lines (ourselved and knowledges) detract. But you certainly have the formula (tight intro, 3 literary examples, transition words, summary) down cold. I am not a fan of the last sentence–too abstract, and almost starts to introduce new ideas.</p>

<p>Thanks!</p>

<p>Those two errors were from when I typed up my essay (ourselved and knowledges).</p>

<p>Besides the last sentence and surfeit, how else could I improve my essay?</p>

<p>It seems quite on target, except for the little things I pointed out.
I don’t really like the “One might suppose” launch…seems cliched. Just make sure you are neat/legible, use the space, don’t run out of time and, by George, I think you’ve got it.</p>