Grade my essay please!

<p>Are people more likely to be productive and successful when they ignore the opinions of others?</p>

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<p>As the old saying goes, ‘’ two is always better than one.’’ This may be a trite saying but it actually holds an enormous meaning. Frankly speaking, even some of the strong-minded individuals would not hesitate to attribute some of their success to the advices and opinions of others since being successful alone is often implausible. Examples from history, current events and my personal anecdote explicitly demonstrated that accepting the opinions of others will often lead to success.</p>

<p>One important reason people are more likely to success when they accept the opinions of others is that opinions of others may act as good war strategies. This idea is clearly supported by the example of great Chinese general, Liu Bei, during the era of the Three Kingdoms. Liu Bei had been a great general throughout that era. He had successfully led his army and won several great wars such as the Battle of Chi Bi in which he defeated the force of the oppose faction led by Cao Cao, and of course, Liu Bei did not win this war entirely on his own but with the assistances of his war advisors such as Zhuge Liang. Zhuge Liang was an extremely clever mastermind of Liu Bei. During the Battle of Chi Bi, Liu Bei had faced a dilemma in which there was a lack of arrow supplies. However, in light of Zhuge Liang’s plan, the Liu Bei force had successfully stolen the enemy’s arrow supply and this played an important part of the victory of this battle. </p>

<p>Furthermore, the renowned video game company, Electronic Art, also demonstrated the importance of the opinions of others. As most people, especially the hardcore gamers, know, Electronic Art has always maintained good gaming qualities, but do you know how? Unequivocally speaking, it is criticisms that maintain the qualities. Criticism allows EA to understand the strengths and shortcomings of it’s products. By knowing it’s shortcomings, EA can then be able to identify what aspect of it’s games should be improved. For example, when the Battlefield series games first released in 2002, many critics were given by the gamers. Therefore, EA took most of the critics as advises and improved it’s next upcoming Battlefield series games. As a result, EA’s games became more and more popular. All thanks to the constructive criticisms given. Without critics on it’s games, EA may not be successful until now.</p>

<p>Moreover, this idea can also be proved by my personal anecdote on learning English vocabulary. Ever since I started learning English vocabulary, I have been using my own strategy which was to stare at the words and read in mind instead of my parent’s strategy which was to read them out loud while writing them down. Slowly as time passes, I realized that my strategy did not bring my English scores up. Therefore, after a long term decision, I then decided to accept my parent’s opinions and strategy. A strategy of parents that I ignored has now proved to be successful and useful by my drastic improvements in English exam results. Fortunately I did take my parents opinion in account or else my English may still remain at the same level as before.</p>

<p>Through the analyses of above examples, one should, indeed, realize the importance of accepting others opinions as well as to understand how opinions of others can be used as improvements or enhancements to many things such as war strategies, product selling, and learning styles of people. In fact, one should always take in accounts of other’s opinions regardless they are good or bad since these opinions may be great assistants for one’s success.</p>

<p>It’s a good essay, with the makings of a great essay. The introduction and conclusion are crisp and focused, and the examples have the right mix of assertion and proof. Also, ignoring for the moment the grammar, the mix of sentence types is good, and the essay reflects a thoughtful and advanced level of thinking and communication.</p>

<p>What hurts are the grammar errors. There are many. If it weren’t for these the essay would easily earn a 10-11 score, and perhaps a 12. The grammar errors are likely to lead to a score of 8-9.</p>

<p>The opening paragraph is most important, since the graders focus more on this portion of the essay than the rest. Best is to avoid egregious errors, and especially “wrong” word errors. You have one such flaw, which is “implausible”. My sense is that you mean to say “difficult” or “unlikely”.</p>

<p>Other errors that are likely to be noticed include the use word of the word “unequivocally”, and the spelling of “it’s” for the possessive “its”.</p>

<p>You may want to spend an hour or so to rewrite the essay — basically with no changes to the flow or sentence structure, but with a focus on grammar, spelling and word choice.</p>

<p>thanks you very much!</p>