<p>Prompt: Can knowledge be a burden rather than a benefit?</p>
<p>Knowledge can often be detrimental rather than beneficial because it can be a source of guilt or lead to a person's demise. This is evident in several literary works, namely The Scarlet Letter and 1984.</p>
<p>In The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne, the reverend Arthur Dimmsdale has had an affair with Hester Prynne, and their sin has resulted in a misbegotten child. Since they live in a theocratic society, their affair was a very serious crime. However, only Prynne was caught and she refused to give up the identity of her lover. Dimmsdale meanwhile is extremely troubled about his involvement. His guilt causes him to torture himself, both mentally and physically. At one point, it is mentioned that he kept a whip in his closet which he would use to lash himself on the back, regularly. The minister Arthur Dimmsdale's knowledge of his sin is a deep source of discontent to the point where he inflicts pain upon himself.</p>
<p>In addition, the novel 1984 by George Orwell takes place in a dystopian society where the government controls every aspect of the citizen's lives. Winston Smith works for this government. and, as a result, he learns certain facts which cause him to harbor revolutionary thoughts. For example, his job involves changing historical records so that they match with the government's statements. Smith laments his job and dreams about overthrowing this deceitful government. However, eventually Smith is caught and tortured until they are satisfied that he is no longer a threat. Smith's knowledge about the inner workings of the government eventually leads to his downfall.</p>
<p>After analyzing The Scarlet Letter and 1984, it is clear that knowledge can oftentimes be more of a burden rather than a benefit. Arthur Dimmsdale's knowledge of his sin causes him to physically hurt himself, whereas Winston Smith's knowledge about the government eventually leads to his demise. The knowledge held by both of these characters has negative outcomes on their lives.</p>
<p>I was going to give you a 6/6 but now I am a little hesitant because you only have two body paragraphs. I think I will still say 6 though.</p>
<p>Your essay is great: the thesis is clear, it is extremely easy to read and follow, it has nice transitions, proper syntax and diction, and good examples. I can tell that you read the thread on “How to write a 12 essay in 10 days”.</p>
start out with directly addressing the prompt - use the word burden instead of detrimental
The second example is somewhat weak. In your example, it wasn’t the knowledge that led to his downfall, it is what he did with the knowledge that resulted in the government taking action against him. The first example is better because you demonstrate that the knowledge he harbors is a burden on his consciousness</p>
<p>You really should explicitly equate knowledge of certain things with negative outcomes. The prompt asks you to demonstrate how knowledge could be seen as a burden. The knowledge only becomes a burden if a person lets it become a burden. When a person acquires information, it is the actions that person takes that influence whether or not that information is a burden. In the Scarlet Letter example, instead of dealing with the knowledge of sin in a way that alleviates pain (eliminates the burden), Dimmsdale chooses to allow the knowledge of his sin to be a burden (he feels guilt). But in the case of Winston, the knowledge isn’t really a burden to him. He takes action against the government knowing the risks. The consequences of his actions are harmful to him, but you can’t necessarily say that the knowledge was a burden to him (based on your example).</p>
<p>Now, if you were to say that he felt guilty that he knows that the government is committing acts of evil and that he didn’t want to put his friends or himself in danger, then your argument could be stronger.</p>
<p>The important point is to specifically address the prompt so that each argument is precisely targeted to answer the prompt.</p>
<p>It’s important to remember that the presence of just two body paragraphs does not detract from your essay. If you invest your time in just two body paragraphs and think deeply about the two examples or pieces of supporting evidence you present in those two paragraphs, that approach is superior to presenting three examples that are more shallow.</p>
<p>Until you post your essay, there’s no way to objectively evaluate the differences between your essay and his essay. </p>
<p>Anyway, I would like to reiterate that the first example on the Scarlet Letter is fine, but the second example is weaker for the aforementioned reasons. If you disagree, that’s fine, but I would have made it so that it more directly answers the prompt and thus serves as stronger supporting evidence.</p>
<p>Plus, telling Schmience that his/her essay is perfect doesn’t help. These are merely points on which the essay could be improved, that’s all.</p>
<p>Your comments are valid and helpful. I also think that if he were to hand this in as a high school English essay the teacher would think it far from perfect. However, 4/6 is garbage grading. This is a 25 minute high pressure essay.</p>
<p>Take a look at College Board’s example of a 4/6 essay and tell me if you think it’s the same quality as the OP’s.</p>
<p>You’re right, it’s been a while since I looked at the scoring criteria. I revise my score to a 5, especially in light of the fact that he did not make serious errors in grammar or spelling.</p>
<p>Thanks for the help guys. I agree that my first example is better than the second, but i chose it for a lack of a better one. Is it necessary to directly address the prompt ( using burden instead of detrimental)? I thought that it doesnt really matter either way and i usually try to paraphrase it instead. Also, why are 3 body paragraphs better? I had 2 and that completely filled up both pages, so there wouldnt be any space, let alone time for another one.</p>
<p>Write smaller then. Your essay is only 324 words. You need to be over 400 to have a good chance of getting a 12. Research has shown that 90% of essays over 400 words get a score of 6.</p>
<p>Your essay is pushing on a 5… I think it may be closer to that than a 6.</p>
<p>Two paragraphs is fine. It simply is not true that you have to have three paragraphs. Two good, deep paragraphs is just as good as three paragraphs that are not as deep. With three paragraphs, you express more ideas but with less depth, but with two, you express fewer ideas with more depth per idea. The graders are looking for evidence of strong critical thinking. If you can demonstrate that in two paragraphs, you’re fine. More paragraphs doesn’t automatically mean higher scores. </p>
<p>Perhaps those with three paragraphs were able to get in the depth required without going over the time limit. For sure, if you can demonstrate sound, deep critical thinking on three ideas instead of two, that’s preferable. But if I had to make a trade-off due to time, I would go for fewer ideas and more depth per idea.</p>
<p>I agree with CalcTech. However, if you had more time it wouldn’t have hurt to write a third paragraph, given that you want to try to get >400 words.</p>