Grade my essay please?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
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<p>I used academic hackerz guide. But I did type this on the computer so I probably couldn't have written so much in the given time. Thanks!</p>

<p>Assignment:
Do people have to be highly competitive in order to succeed?
Competitiveness is not vital for success. This is prominent in A Long Way To Go, Jeremy Collins and in a Chinese book “Happiness”.
As shown in A Long Way To Go, Karl, an amateur politician, strives to be the best in the business. He pits himself against other major politicians, reaching for his ultimate goal, a recognized politician. However, through his struggles and hardship endured in his campaigns, his wife and children grew ever more distant from him, resulting in a divorce. Karl realizes his competitiveness has taken away his most loved, and with his career and life in balance, he scraps his political career for a reunited family. Hence, when one is overly competitive, one often overlooks other aspects of one’s life, aspects that may be too late to save.
Jeremy Collins, winner of Hong Kong’s “Best singer award” in 2007, was once one of the most coveted singers in Hong Kong. His lifetime goal was to become the best in the world. He would often bury himself in his studio for weeks on end, denying himself access to his friends, fans and media alike. Although he produced much loved music, his isolation soon led to his downfall. Fans bled away as messages were not returned, emails not read. Slowly the media stopped interviewing him, and his popularity fell several notches. During one of his weeklong isolations, the media simply lost interest in Jeremy, and his stardom disintegrated. Shown through Jeremy’s actions, one should not ever be consumed by competitiveness.
The Chinese book, “Happiness”, depicts a man whose life is in shambles after challenging one of his archenemies to a bet. However, this doesn’t deter him from the virtues of life. He gradually develops a sense of self-esteem through celebrating every small victory, such as making a new friend, or nurturing a new interest. He was certainly not the richest of people, nowhere close, and probably not the smarter of people either, but he was most definitely the happiest of people. His success is not the type of success in many people’s views, becoming billionaires or celebrities; his success was to be the happiest of people. He did not compare himself with others, as competitive people tend to do, he compared him with himself. This way, he achieved the paramount success, happiness. Therefore, competitiveness is not only path to success, as shown by the book “Happiness”, there are a myriad of ways to achieve success.
After a careful analysis of A Long Way To Go, Jeremy Collins and Happiness, one can see that competitiveness is, indeed, not pivotal in the quest for success. With competitiveness, one’s life can fall in shambles.</p>

<p>Edit: I forgot to mention that I made up the examples, if thats ok in the real exam.</p>

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<p>5/6</p>

<p>You have good examples; your grammar, vocabulary, and transitions are good, etc. The one thing that your essay lacks is insight. I don’t see it anywhere. </p>

<p>“Competitiveness is not vital for success” ELABORATE on that if you want a 6/6. That is a very bland and low-level thinking thesis.</p>

<p>Also remember that literature is generally not a good guide to what occurs in the real world. It can’t really be used to “prove” anything as citing real facts can, so be careful that you don’t give that impression. You would write The Novel suggests that competitiveness is not the only way to success.</p>

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<p>Hi, thanks for the reply!
Can you give me an example of insight?</p>

4

<p>Hi I wrote another essay can someone grade it?
Thanks!
The examples are made up again</p>

<p>Do the demands of others tend to make people more productive than they would be without such pressure?</p>

<p>Pressure is key to increasing productivity. This is clear through the observation of children, the life of Darren Williams and a book dedicated to relieving pressure.
Children are at the stage of life where one is immune to many influences such as peer pressure, conflicts and the need to improve. Thus, observing children is the best way to analyze certain problems. Children live happily, without any stress, without any substantial thought for maintaining their own lives. They spend their days playing. It is without doubt that although they are at a learning stage, they are not nearly productive. Possibly, it can be concluded that without pressure, as human beings, we choose to stay carefree and therefore low in productivity.
Darren Williams was an acclaimed scientist who devoted his life to neuroscience. He was born to a rich family and lived his early years in a mansion. Needless to say, their lives were lavish, and under no circumstance had they ever suffered the feeling of an empty stomach or anything anywhere near that. Living in such opulence, Darren Williams wasn’t compelled to do anything for a career, in fact, his sons and grand-sons could do so and still live the lives of kings. However, his father passed away in an accident, and with no one to support the family they soon fell into poverty. Such tragedy awakened Darren from his dreamland, and from then on, with the family on his back, he strove to reach the pinnacle of science. And reach it he did. Without the tragedy of his father and the pressure that followed, Darren would never have unearthed his talent for science. And without the urgency to provide money, Darren would not have increased his productivity.
A Finnish book “Relieving pressure” briefly touched on the relationship about pressure and productivity. It loosely stated that to relieve pressure, one would have to let go of the productivity at the workplace. To achieve ultimate relief, one could not be buried in increasing one’s productivity. Although pressure is not a good thing, as the book describes later on as a catalyst for low spirits, it does, through deduction, increase productivity.
After carefully analyzing the behavior of children, the life of Darren Williams and “Relieving pressure” it is unambiguous that pressure can, indeed, be crucial to increased productivity. Although pressure does have many unwanted side-effects, without it one would experience a decrease in productivity.</p>