Grade my essay please

<p>Grade on the following rubrics:
-Fine vocab
-Okay grammer
-Conveys thesis well
-Doesn't deviate from topic</p>

<p>Topic:
Is the world changing for the better?</p>

<p>Essay:
The world has definitely witnessed a huge progress over the past century. ill Gates once commented on the world's rapid change, saying,"The modern computer and the computer of 40 years ago are so different that they can almost be considered different devices. This, in it of itself, shows that the world of today is better than the world of 40 years ago." Making it easy for me are three examples that further exemplify my thesis.
A change for the better could be considered an improvement of morality. In 1961, Rosa Parks refused to sit at the back of the bus where blacks were forced to sit. Although she was later apprehended and jailed, her courageous and adamant character inspired the Montgomery Bus Boycott. A year later, a group of college freshmen entered a restaurant where they would receive no service at. Soon, the news spread of their non-violent sitting and thousands of students across the country participated in these sit-ins. Another prominent figure of the Civil Rights Movement was Martin Luther King. Getting his inspiration from Gandhi, he organized several non-violent protests and gave his famous speech,"I have a dream." These events helped inspire the Civil Rights Act of 1964. For the first time in American history, Black Americans had seen a change for the better.
The world of medicine, a field of constant change, attests to the improvement the world has seen. During the Medieval Age, the infamous "Black Plague" had taken the lives of million. Modern day pathologist Robert F. comments on how this incident would've been handled nowadays saying,"Medicine is an incredibly changing field. With the knowledge and technology we have today, something like the notorious Black Plague becomes as simple to handle as a mosquito bite. That is an amazing feat. of the human race." Once again, we see a change for the better.
During summer vacation, while I was on a plane to Dubai, I had that rare moment wherein you stop for a second and look around you. I was flying. My brother, sister, and several hundred other people suspended in midair speeding at-least 500 miles/hour. A couple of centuries ago, this would have been called witchcraft. Humanity has gone from horses as the primary form of transportation to cars, trains, and even planes. The impossible became possible. Once again, the world has changed for the better.
From the Civil Rights Movement, to medicine and transportation, it becomes very clear that the world has witnessed enormous progress ever since man first stepped on soil. As anthropologist Finn Bradly C. said,"The past century has seen more progress than the previous 10,000 years all together. How marvelous!"</p>

<p>I’d give you a 4. “Making it easy for me are three examples that further exemplify my thesis.” Never do this. You don’t want to explicitly tell the reader what you are going to write about. Saying, “I’m about to write an essay,” and anything similar isn’t good. I would also try to stay away from personal examples. They don’t really show that you have a lot of knowledge about the topic, and you want to make sure you can impress your reader as much as possible. Furthermore, you could take out MLK and talk more about Rosa Parks or vice versa. Again, I think it would show a greater breadth of knowledge about your examples. The quotes were really good, and I liked your second example a lot as well as your introduction(except for what I said earlier). Your conclusion was also good. The first example wasn’t bad except for what I told you earlier.</p>

<p>4/12 or 4/6? If it’s the former, then I think a bit more elaboration on what went wrong is in order. Though thanks for the comment. I do want people to criticize as much as possible so that I can really nail the essay.</p>

<p>4/6, my bad.</p>