Grade my essay please?

<p>I'm still working on my essays for the SAT, so if anyone would be willing to share their thoughts, it would be greatly appreciated. </p>

<p>Topic: Do changes that make our lives easier not necessarily make them better? </p>

<p>Changes in our life, whether by technology or social change, will often make our lives easier, more efficient, and more productive. On the other hand, others then begin to expect more work to be done, higher quality products to be made, and greater output per hour. Thus in a sense, changes that make our lives better because we become more rushed, more stressed, and more preoccupied with work.</p>

<p>Back in the good old days when people travelled by horse and there were no real big cities, life was lived at a very slow pace. In the 1700s, most people living in the modern-day U.S> were farmers. Each family could cultivate a few hundred acres at most without additional help, thus slave labor was often employed to cultivate thousands of acres. Then, the industrial revolution spread to the U.S. and suddenly, one person was able to cultivate as much as ten people. The cotton gin, made by Eli Whitney, greatly increased productivity of each worker putting more and more small farmers out of business because they could not compete. The increase in cultivation capabilities greatly benefitted the large landowners who were already rich, but the change hurt hundreds of small farmers who could not afford the new technology and thus could not compete and went bankrupt. The salves too were not helped by the advent of the cotton gin, Their masters now expected more crop to be produced per slave on a greater area of land. When unable to meet the new expectations, they would be punished either by whipping or beating.</p>

<p>Then came the 2nd Industrial Revolution. New technologies such as the tractor were being employed throughout the country. This allowed one farmer to do the work of 30 farmers easily. This increased the profits of the one farmer who could afford the tractor, but it also caused the other 29 farmers to lose their farms. This is exactly what happened during the Great Depression. Millions of farmers, now unemployed due to the increased efficiency of tractors, moved to California in search of work which was not found. The tractor made the life of one farmer much easier and much more profitable, but created misery for the farmers he had displaced. The unemployed farmers are now more stressed and under pressure to support their family even though he cannot. </p>

<p>IN the end, new technologies did help the people who could get them, but it often hurt those around them, be it competitors aor workers. Farmers show the great transition technology has caused. In the 100s, over 90% of the population were farmers, but now only 3% of the population are farmers. </p>

<p>changes that make our lives better because we become more rushed, more stressed, and more preoccupied with work.
^ This makes life BETTER??</p>

<p>no real big cities,
^ too casual</p>

<p>of each worker putting more
^ worker, putting</p>

<p>The salves too were not helped
^ Did you mean slaves?</p>

<p>The salves too were not helped by the advent of the cotton gin, Their masters now expected more crop to be produced per slave on a greater area of land.
^ Comma splice.</p>

<p>Then came the 2nd Industrial Revolution
^ spell out “second”</p>

<p>This allowed one farmer to do the work of 30 farmers easily.
^ Is this an actual statistic, or did you make this up?</p>

<p>The unemployed farmers are now more stressed and under pressure to support their family even though he cannot.

  1. Present tense? Why present tense?
  2. Farmers = plural. Their = plural. Family = singular. He = singular. These should all match.
    their families, even though they cannot</p>

<p>IN the end,
^ A little overenthusiastic on the “in”</p>

<p>be it competitors aor workers.
^ You should really proofread before you post your writing somewhere</p>

<p>In the 100s, over 90% of the population were farmers, but now only 3% of the population are farmers.

  1. How are the 100s relevant to today? That was a long, long, LONG time ago.
  2. Random statistic thrown in at the end with no segue.
  3. This is not a good last sentence. Reader says, “So what?” You didn’t tell us why this matters.</p>

<p>Sorry about all the misspellings. I was trying to type everything quickly from what I had written.</p>

<p>-changes that make our lives better because we become more rushed, more stressed, and more preoccupied with work was actually changes that make our lives easier do not always make our lives better because we become more rushed, more stressed, and more preoccupied with work.</p>

<p>-salves was supposed to be slaves. </p>

<p>-The comma was actually a period when I wrote it. </p>

<ul>
<li>I made up the statistic. </li>
</ul>

<p>-It was supposed to be in the 1700s, not 100s. Sorry about that. </p>

<ol>
<li><p>Okay, that makes more sense.</p></li>
<li><p>Gotcha.</p></li>
<li><p>Okay.</p></li>
<li><p>Probably shouldn’t use it then.</p></li>
<li><p>No problem.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>Good luck!</p>