Grade My Essay?

Please grade out of 12! If you have any suggestions, I’d like to hear them!
Prompt: Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority?

    Children throughout the world have always been taught to listen to people in authority. However, the person with authority does not always do what is morally correct and society should be able to question their decisions. Examples of this include Macbeth in the play Macbeth and Adolf Hitler in Nazi Germany. 
     In the play Macbeth, Macbeth becomes king by killing the previous king. He then goes on to kill many people who he considers a threat to himself or who disagree with him in any way. It is clear that the laypeople are unhappy about this, but they do nothing to stop his tyranny out of fear of being killed or outcast from society. It is only when Macduff questions Macbeth's authority, and later kills him, that all of the problems are solved. Without someone like Macduff questioning Macbeth, his tyranny would have gone on a very long time. 
     In 1930 Germany, Adolf Hitler rose to power. Many Germans believed that Hitler was there to help them recover from the Great War and to make Germany strong again. However, he just wanted to be in command of the whole world. He began invading country after country. He also killed thousands of Jewish people, blaming them for the loss of WWI. The Allied powers knew that this was unfair, and tried to fight it. They eventually won; however without them Hitler could have easily taken over the world.
    It is important for society to be able to question a person in authority. Without this privilege, people could be treated unfairly and die because of their beliefs.

I’d give it a 7 or 8 mainly because of the following points

  1. Short: I'm sure with practice, you can lengthen this, but there is simply not enough content in here to justify a 9+
  2. Lack of varied sentence structure: I cannot stress this enough, look in your second paragraph, you start three clauses about Hitler with the word "He" back to back to back. Try looking up techniques for this, they can really help.
  3. Lacking a strong conclusion: Doesn't tie everything up in a nice little bow. Though difficult to pull off, it is crucial to getting a good score

Thanks NotIvyYet