Grade my practice essay about apathy?

<p>Prompt: "An entertainment-driven culture runs the risk of encouraging passivity among its citizens. If they can experience something vicariously through a movie, television show, or video game, why should they get involved with the activity itself? It's safer, after all, to watch someone scale a mountain than to do it yourself. The effect of this passivity, of course, is an apathetic frame of mind. We cease to care deeply about so many things because they are experienced, at best, second-hand."</p>

<p>Is apathy a problem in today's society?</p>

<p>Without a doubt, apathy is among one of the biggest issues in our society today. While not on the same scale as global warming, overpopulation, or nuclear war, apathy is an issue not to be taken lightly. Someone dealing with apathy might decide against beginning the experiment that could help cure cancer or put an end to world hunger. Apathy can be seen in many different aspects of our culture.</p>

<p>Many people are aware of the increasing obesity rate in America. Interestingly, although our obesity rate is climbing, our interest in sports and athleticism is still solid - millions of Americans make a point to watch the Olympics every year (note: lol I know they're not every year... oops!) or even just Monday night football. It is possible that the fact that so many sports events are televised is contributing to the growing obesity rates - after all, why go outside and play basketball with your friends when you could all sit inside and watch someone else play?</p>

<p>Apathy can also be seen in many young people today, especially when discussing the upcoming presidential elections. Every election season, thousands of people decide against voting because they believe their vote does not count for anything and cannot make a difference. People tend to believe that they know everything about politics just from watching the news on TV, and what they see can certainly be discouraging. This ensures that many votes go uncounted every election, all of which could have drastically changed the election's outcome.</p>

<p>Although apathy is a problem that our society faces, as evidenced by these examples, it is not a hopeless situation. A simple change in television programming or tone in a novel could encourage people to stop feeling hopeless and try to make a difference. Whether we will ever truly overcome this issue, however, is unknown - ultimately, the choice is up to us, although we mustn't be too apathetic to take control.</p>

<p>This is probably one of my worst essays... I gave it a 3, but what do you guys think? This was a hard topic and I felt like I didn't have enough time to come up with any real point to make. I get so stressed with the time limit that any logical reasoning just flies out the window. Does anyone have any advice for this? How do I calm myself down and come up with a good standpoint and examples for an essay within the time allowed?</p>

<p>Thanks for any advice :D</p>

<p>bump… could really use some help here!</p>

<p>It gets a 4 from me. It could use a bookish example, there are plenty out there. Needs a better ending and has a few errors.</p>

<p>Thanks! I was trying to think of a book to use as an example but I got so stressed out by the time ticking away and I just couldn’t think :frowning: Of course now that it’s done, I keep thinking of new ones every couple minutes!</p>