GRADE MY SAT ESSAY- FIRST TRY

Test Preparation
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<p>Hey everyone (: Today I completed my first ever SAT essay. I used up every line except the last 2 so it's pretty long. Please grade this out of 12 and tell me what I can improve on or what I did well! Thank you!</p>

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<p>Value is frequently understood as a synonym for low price, but it more accurately describes the relationship between the benefits the customer receives from a product and its price: the greater the value, the higher the price. Therefore, an expensive product should yield proportional benefits. It is too often the case, however that an expensive product is also the least beneficial, while a beneficial product may be too expensive to be useful to the majority of customers.</p>

<p>Therefore, is price necessarily the reflection of value?</p>

<p>My response:</p>

<pre><code> The question "Is price necessarily a reflection of value?" suggests that price may not be analogous to worth. In other words, a costly commodity may be the least advantageous, while a valuable article may be too high-priced to be useful. In my opinion, expensive does not always correspond with usefulness. Throughout society, humanity, and in life, the evidence to support my viewpoint is pervasive.
Consider the case of Hollingsworth v. Perry, a Supreme Court case decided on June 25, 2013. An unlikely bipartisanship, made up of Theodore Olsen and David Boies, worked diligently and without pay to overrule Proposition 8, a Californian amendment banning same-sex marriage. They believed that the right for homosexual couples to marry trumped a paycheck. Their pro bono (literally "for good" in Latin) work has changed the lives of tens of thousands, for 18,000 same-sex marriages took place after the ruling. The price the lawyers were paid was $0, but the value of allowing a monumental amount of couples to wed is priceless.
Another example is provided by the 1903 Louisiana Purchase; an acquisition by the United States of America of 828,000 square miles from France's Emperor, Napoleon Bonaparte. Thomas Jefferson accepted Napoleon's asking price of a mere $15 million. For only 3 cents an acre, the Louisiana Purchase doubled the size of the nation and today makes up 15 of our phenomenal states. The United States would not be the superpower they are today if it wasn't for this inexpensive procurement.
</code></pre>

<p>As a final vivid example, consider Jay Gatsby's ostentatious parties in F. Scott Fitzgerald's novel "The Great Gatsby", written in Long Island in 1925. Gatsby is famed for his ornate, extravagant parties in his West Egg mansion. He spends an inordinate amount of time and money preparing these parties, but when the party actually commences, he hides in his room and feels lonely. He does not enjoy his own lavish affairs, even though the attendees speculate that Gatsby lives an idyllic life because of his wealth.
Clearly the above examples show that the monetary cost is not a manifestation of importance. The accession of the Louisiana Purchase was low-cost, and without it, the United States would be an irrelevant, small country, instead of the vast and formidable nation it is today. Without the pro bono work of Theodore Olsen and David Boies, infatuated same-sex couples across the state of California would not be able to wed. Only by realizing that high price is not parallel to quality can humanity begin to thrive. </p>

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<p>I would give it a 12. </p>

<p>Do you go to Excel test prep? If not, where did you get this essay structure from?</p>

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<p>@dubnation‌
oh my god thank you!!! that just made my day haha and yes I use Excel! </p>

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<p>I’ll first give you your score, then your mistakes, and then some tips.</p>

<p>I recommend you read the whole thing, even if it’s long; especially read the tips.</p>

<p>Score: I would give it a 5 (or maybe 6) out of 12.</p>

<p>Some of your mistakes (not all):
-Right off the bat, you made a mistake: You should never restate the prompt.
-You need to introduce your examples. “society, humanity, and in life” are not examples because they are too vague. You need to introduce the examples you used in your body paragraphs
-You give a lot of trivial information in your bodies, but those pieces of info, don’t prove anything. I see tad bits of evidence why your viewpoint is correct, but not much. If you had just proved your point in some parts in each of your bodies, then I would give it an 8.</p>

<p>Tips:
Here’s how I do it (I got an 11 on my essay once, but 10s consistently):
I’m going to use the prompt “What is the most important quality of a leader?”
Introduction: (YOUR MOST VITAL PARAGRAPH)
Sentence 1: Give a broad response to the topic. For example, don’t write "“The most important quality of a leader is perseverance”. It’s so dull. Write something more creative. Fancy it up, such as “Of all the traits a leader might possess, the most essential is perseverance”.
Sentence 2: Mention an abstract, nonspecific case. For example, “Any person can come up with a way to get past an obstacle; to keep others from moving forward despite being thwarted is far more of an admirable trait any person can possess”.
Sentence 3: Give the reason WHY this is true (aka, your thesis). This is the most important sentence of your entire essay; your essay hinges on it. Write “Leaders not only pose ideas, but model behavior for the rest of us to follow and nothing is more comforting than a leader whom we can always rely on”.
Sentence 4. Write “This can be shown through the cases of ____ and ____” to introduce your examples. </p>

<p>First and Second Body Paragraphs
Sentence 1: Topic sentence.
Sentence 2-4: Discuss the examples.
Sentence 5: Tie back to thesis </p>

<p>Conclusion:
Sentence 1: Restate your thesis
Sentenced 2-3: Conclude </p>

<p>Some other important stuff:
You’re given two pages to write. FILL ALL THE PAGES. A study by an MIT professor shows that essays that fill all the pages received better scores and those that didn’t. If your handwriting is small, make it bigger. If it’s big, make it stay big. Don’t plan out a lot. I know this goes against Essay Writing 101, but quantity is better than quality in this case. </p>

<p>According to this one book, punctuation is also a good addition. Add semicolons and dashes. Essay graders look for indications of a good essay since they’re cranky because they’re underpaid and they have to grade the essays on the same exact topic. By chance, they may be watching Jerry Springer while grading your essays, you would want to appeal to them more. Make it good; add those punctuation marks. </p>

<p>And obviously, make it original. Only worry about this if you’re gunning for a top score. You can get a four or even a five from each grader by writing a bland and unambitious essay. But to get a 6, don’t write something your grader read 22 times. So try to imagine what the typical student would say, and claim something radically different. Just don’t go offensive and start praising Hitler.
What I do a lot is make up a personal experience and then write about it. One of my friends made up a nation that was in Africa called Mamatimba. He actually got a 12 on his essay. I don’t recommend this; he just happened to be a fascinating liar.
You want to make it as original as possible to impress your
Say your essay is “What is the most important quality of a leader?”. If you want to make the topic very original, you might say “carelessness” and expand on that. If you write it well enough, you will pretty much be guaranteed at least a 10. However, say you decide to go with a more trite answer and say ‘perseverance’ Don’ t choose typical leaders like, Martin Luther King Jr. and Gandhi. Those are banal; choose like an obscure saint and a president in Thailand. Go ahead and make it up. The College Board won’t go to your house and ask you if this is true. Use two personal (or “personal”) examples if you really can’t think of a universal example in a minute. As you’re writing your first body paragraph, and you come across a prime example that a lot of people know about, use it.</p>

<p>On the side note:
Don’t sweat facts and figures. If you’re writing about drafting the US Constitution and aren’t sure whether it was written in 1777 or 1767, just pick one and go with it. Your grader probably isn’t sure and it’s officially not permitted to count off for factual inaccuracy. Better to state facts boldly, even if you’re unsure.
Just don’t say that the USSR broke up two months ago, or that Justin Timberlake is Abraham Lincoln’s cousin, or that you say Jesus walking on water. As long as it’s feasible, it’s safe. Just don’t be like my friend and his Mamatimba example.</p>

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<p>@swaqqy</p>

<p>Well, thats exactly the opposite of what excel tells you to do
@soccerforlife I go to excel too haha. Which center do you go to?</p>

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<p>@dubnation i’m doing the online course! it’s pretty chill haha wbu?</p>

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<p>Oh i go to the fremont center</p>

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<p>@dubnation cool, i live in the bay as well </p>

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<p>@dubnation‌ Excel is not always the best choice.</p>

<p>I’ve taken classes at a famous SAT place, which has a famous tutor who has raised her students’ scores by, in some cases, 300 points in the ENGLISH sections alone. She told me to write it like this. And guess what, for my SAT, I ended up getting an 11. (2240 for my SAT)
For all these years, all these SAT prep places and books (Princeton Review, Guide Paradise, Excel) have studied and attempted to hone their skills to make their tests look like the College Board tests, but have failed.</p>

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<p>And @dubnation‌ … How would you even give this a 12? It is obviously poorly written!</p>

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<p>Excel would give it a 12</p>

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<p>Avoid controversial topic like gay marriage…you never know what your reader’s views are</p>

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<p>@swaqqy how exactly is this poorly written? please give constructive criticism… </p>

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<p>@dubnation‌ My friend took Excel classes and for all his essays, he got 12s. However, when he took the SAT both times, he got 8s. It’s not accurate, clearly. If you’re trying to make this person feel good, you’re only doing a disservice. If you say he/she does well, this person will walk into the SAT and write the essay this way, and receive a generally low score.</p>

<p>@soccerforlife‌ -Just before I point out your mistakes, I just want to say I don’t think this us a legit SAT prompt. An SAT prompt will never say “therefore”. So many companies try to hone their skills to match the College Board, but all fail. Get the College Board SAT prep book instead for REAL SAT prompts</p>

<p>And before you say, “That’s not how Excel does it” I wouldn’t follow Excel’s outline. Read my reply to dubnation.
See, I went to a famous SAT tutor in the Bay Area who has raised her students’ scores, in many cases, by 300 points in the ENGLISH sections alone. I used to get 6s, and now I get 10s and 11s.</p>

<p>Here we go:
-Use two body paragraphs, not three. The essays with the highest grades have used ONE example and explained that example very well. If you have three, you don’t have the opportunity to explain why your examples prove your point. If you use one, then you may not have enough to write. Using two is perfect.
-You never want to directly restate the prompt. Your grader is going to think right away,“Oh this is going to be lame.”
-When introducing your examples, you want to say which examples you’re going to use, instead of generalizing it. Instead of saying “society, humanity, and in life”, write “Hollingsworth v. Perry, the Louisiana Purchase, and F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby”. (But remember to use TWO examples.)
-For your body paragraphs, you put so much trivial information. “[C]ase decided on June 25, 2013” is pointless. How does that prove your argument? You want to repeat your argument over and over; never put in trivial info.
-As Matt848 says, you probably want to avoid a confrontational topic like gay marriage. For all you know, your grader might be the president of some anti-gay organization and just give you nothing.
-On the side note, vocab does not matter a lot. It’s a persuasive essay, not a using-pretentious-words essay. Use it to impress your grader, but I doubt it’ll help boost your score.
-You have grammar mistakes. For instance, you write “The United States would not be the superpower they are today…”, when it should be “The United States would not be the superpower IT IS today…” (A side note: Jefferson actually never accepted the deal with Napoleon. He wanted a portion of the granted land for $10 million and he sent out representatives, but Napoleon offered a lot more for just $15 million and the representatives agreed, not Jefferson. However, don’t sweat factual inaccuracy. I’ll tell you why later. I actually already wrote it, but I’ll paste it here again later.)
-For your Gatsby paragraph: I don’t see what you’re trying to prove. First you fixate on his garish parties, then you focus on his life. Focus on his life or his parties. You could talk about the relationship between the parties and his life, but make it specific.
-In your concluding paragraph, you always want to restate your your examples- you left out Gatsby</p>

<p>Well, those are the major ones. I saw some minor ones, but those probably won’t affect your grade.</p>

<p>Those are some of the major ones. However, the most important thing is this (If you already read my previous comment, you don’t need to read this):
You’re given two pages to write. FILL ALL THE PAGES. A study by an MIT professor shows that essays that fill all the pages received better scores and those that didn’t. At a conference, another dude held up papers 20 feet away so that the professor could only see how much the person wrote, and not see what the person wrote. He graded them from that distance. Guess what? He correctly guessed the given grade every time. My tutor says that if you could write 500-600 words, you’re good. If your handwriting is small, make it bigger. If it’s big, make it stay big. Don’t plan out a lot. I know this goes against Essay Writing 101, but quantity is better than quality in this case.</p>

<p>Don’t sweat facts and figures. If you’re writing about drafting the US Constitution and aren’t sure whether it was written in 1777 or 1767, just pick one and go with it. Your grader probably isn’t sure and it’s officially not permitted to count off for factual inaccuracy. Better to state facts boldly, even if you’re unsure.
Just don’t say that the USSR broke up two months ago, or that Justin Timberlake is Abraham Lincoln’s cousin, or that you say Jesus walking on water. As long as it’s feasible, it’s safe.
This is actually better, for me at least. For my SAT, I made up a book and got an 11. My friend wrote about the Realism art period, put two artists in from different time periods, incorrectly identified the paintings she used with the correct artists and time period, and still got a 12. My friend made up a COUNTRY- he wrote about a nation called Mamatimba, which is off the coast of Madagascar, and got a 12.</p>