Grade my SAT essay from 1-6 please?

<p>It hasn't been too long since I've started writing SAT Essays, but I would like to know how to improve. I know it lacks a lot since English isn't my strongest subject. Plus, I'd like to receive a lot of tips on how to make a great Introduction and Conclusion because I never know how to make them stronger. </p>

<p>Thanks!</p>

<p>Prompt: Since the invention of television, the medium has had its ups and downs. At first, television watching was a communal affair; the first television set owners in a neighborhood would proudly invite the neighbors in to view the marvelous box. In time, however, television came to have an isolating effect on viewers; as the painter Andy Warhol once said, "When I got my first television set, I stopped caring so much about having close relationships."</p>

<p>Assignment: What are your thoughts on the idea that television has turned out to isolate people instead of bringing them together?</p>

<p>My Essay: </p>

<pre><code> Television is a popular technology that is used normally, especially on a mundane morning. However, it is well known for people to communicate through television. Although television may isolate onself from reality, television brings a community together.
As demonstrated by the Truman Show, it brought many people closer. The main character, Truman Burbank, has been watched over by millions of people through television. The people in his life were all actors and the whole life of Truman's was scripted since he was born. With Truman's life being filmed all over the world, many people would gather their ideas together based on what would happen next. Since the show was so popular, most of the people would only be talking about the enigma of the story; how Truman would be able to solve the whole mystery of his lief. Television has not only brought the audience together, but it also brought the cast closer as well. Since the actors were starred in Truman's life, they would have to develop the stories for the next episode along with the director. This shows that teleision brings the contentment of people.
Thus, 1984 by George Orwell also clearly describes the teamwork between two characters, Winston and Julia. Winston, the protagonist, and his partner, Julia, have decided to take down the government of Oceania, the city they live in, The Party, which is the government, is controlled by Big Brother and demanded that telescreens must be attached everywhere in the city to film each and everyone else's actions. Having that the telescreens' or televisions' actions were recording everyone's life, Winston and Julia shared their thoughts based on Big Brother's order. The televisions brought Winston and Julia together, causing them to rebel against The Party. Winston and Julia agreed that they felt subordinate to the party and demanded freedom. The purpose of having televisions across the whole city led Winston and Julia to cooperate with each other.
In conclusion, the invention of televisions may separate people, but it most likely brings unity to many people. The invention of television will only augment socialism and society as shown in the Truman Show and George Orwell's 1984.
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<p>“augment socialism” lol what are you even talking about</p>

<p>Yours,</p>

<p>ckoepp127</p>

<p>I think your examples need to be topics that everyone can relate to. Some of the phrases you say don’t really make sense… Keep the writing simple and focus on your examples and make sure they relate to the prompt. Your body paragraphs were confusing… I feel like you couldn’t think of any examples so you decided to write about stories that mentioned television which were ineffective. </p>

<p>Television is a bit hard to write about because it is so specific, but why don’t you talk about the news? It’s a way we spread and share information which connects our society. Then maybe you could talk about National Geographic programs and how they educate the youth in our society and expand their skills and allow them to relate to other people.</p>

<p>I’d give this a 3-4… so if two people were to grade this it would be a 7. Hope that was helpful!</p>