Grade my SAT essay please? (Score 2-12)

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>We are often reminded that acquiring and owning material possessions—money, property, jewelry, even clothing—will not lead to true happiness. While it is certainly true that material possessions alone cannot bring happiness or provide us with genuine meaning in life, there is something to be said for having material possessions. Not only can they make us comfortable, but the happiness they can provide, while it may be momentary, is still happiness.</p>

<p>Assignment: Do material possessions make us truly happy? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>Essay:
We often stumble upon the question on whether material possessions truly makes us happy.
My answer is no, material possessions wont grant us true happiness. We can witness it from the examples given in the following paragraphs.</p>

<p>We often watch the television which shows how happy and free celebrities are. Amy Winehouse was a young and successful singer, she had every material resources she wanted and needed. But sadly, she did not have happiness. She was addicted to drugs and committed suicide at the age of 27. If she really had true happiness, she would not have committed suicide. Although at some point in her life she might have felt a sense of happiness, but she certainly did not experience the true meaning of life - happiness.</p>

<p>I have a friend who is brought up in a rich family, she often boasted to me on how freely she spends her money. Throughout the years, she had a free and easy life. Recently, she called me up on and told me how empty she felt within her because she lacks her parents' love. She told me that she is willing to give up all her material possessions just to spend some quality time with her parents. This appealed to me that money cannot buy us happiness.</p>

<p>In life, many of the times we think that we would be happy and problem-free as long as we have all the material possessions we need and want. Yes, having money can help solve many problems, but will there be any meaning as to pertaining life if you have all the money in the world but without having any family or friends? The answer is no. Material possessions is not the key to true happiness.</p>

2

<p>5-6/12</p>

<p>Didn’t even read first paragraph but here are your problems

  1. Too short. With that length, even the “BEST” works that could win the nobel peace prize (lol?) will get at most a 9.
  2. Don’t even expect a 10 with that length
  3. Your vocab are crap.
  4. Intro and Final paragraph is like half the essay. They should not be doing so</p>

<p>Rule of thumb for 12:

  1. write 2 FULL PAGES. With a pretty smallish font (you should be writing ALL 25 minutes WITHOUT even a 1 minute break)
  2. Make a formula for writing
  3. Get some “historical figure” examples. SAT hates personal experience. They won’t give you as high a score
  4. Go get your “SAT VOCABULARY” book out. It’s time to work on your vocab usage
  5. You need some “high level” grammar throughout essay. A NECESSARY one every essay is “Not only…but also”
  6. MINIMUM 5 paragraph essay
  7. Introduction and conclusion should usually be like 2-3 sentences. Nothing more, nothing less. Usually, I would write 2 EXTREMELY long sentences by rewording the prompt.
  8. Please go to google and type “how to get a 12 sat essay college confidential”</p>

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<p>wtvr. U get point. Currently with that essay, you will score lower than average. If u really want to go to college, get your lazy butt to work.
Word of encouragement: I got 1600/1600 and 2320/2400 after working morning to night every day for a couple of month straight. I started from 1400. It’s possible. It’s just
ARE YOU GONNA BE LAZY? OR ARE YOU GONNA STUDY EVERY SINGLE SECOND?
Choice is yours. You hold your future.</p>

3

<p>Thanks for your help :slight_smile: I will try to improve myself.</p>

4

<p>This essay is around 8~9. Essay graders tend to give double digits for using SAT words.</p>

5

<p>Hi again. I remember reading a previous essay on flexibility so its interesting to see how your writing has changed recently. </p>

<p>Anyways here are some points I noted:

  1. Grammar: I have to say your grammar improved a lot from the previous essay, there ares still a few mistakes. E.g. “My answer is no” should be placed after a rhetorical question like this “Is chicken pie nice? My answer is no”. However, in the essay, you placed it directly after a statement which made it sound slightly awkward. Can you imagine hearing someone say, “Some people think chicken pie is nice. My answer is no…” Not only does it sound jarring to the ear but also it does not make much sense. If you want to use this approach, start off with a rhetorical question and then state “my answer is yes/my answer is no”. Otherwise I think it would be best to use a rephrased version of the statement as a thesis. (this gives a better impression if used well). </p>

<p>Furthermore, there were also some issues with the usage of conjunctions. Look at the following extract and tell me if you can spot the error:
“Although at some point in her life she might have felt a sense of happiness, but she certainly did not experience the true meaning of life - happiness.”</p>

<p>The error here is that you should not use ‘but’ in a sentence when you already used ‘although’. It is just overkill if you do that. Instead, your sentence could be “Although at some point in her life she might have felt a sense of happiness, she certainly did not experience the true meaning of life - happiness.” </p>

<p>Moreover, I also noticed that the grammar level tended to be simplistic. Therefore, I urge that you try to be more ambitious with the grammar to do much better. Nevertheless, great improvement on grammar :).</p>

<ol>
<li><p>:( Vocabulary is not very varied. I recommend you take the advice I gave in my previous reply on your other essay and build up your vocabulary because it plays a significant role in leaving a good impression. However, that being said, make sure you use your vocabulary wisely and do not be too eager to use it (as I tend to do) as it can make your writing appear to be ostentatious.</p></li>
<li><p>Regarding your examples, I think the examples had some correlation to the question and though you are allowed to use personal examples, I think that the examples did not serve well in portraying the knowledge you gained as a 14-18 year old. They are satisfactory but not insightful enough for the big marks. Nevertheless, once again they did show relation to the question and thus, you can gain credit for them. However, I recommend using at least 1 literature or historical evidence to back up your essay in future. </p></li>
<li><p>As for the conclusion, I think you waffled quite a bit on it. I recommend that you abridge your writing and state a rephrased thesis within the conclusion (instead of reusing the same words that you used in your introduction).</p></li>
</ol>

<p>I must say though, overall, your essay shows great improvement compared to your other essay but at the same time, it’s points became more rudimentary. This means that your essay would neither impress nor disappoint the examiner, allowing you to earn an average grade. Thus, I think this essay would yield a mid 3/6 to a high 3/6 which means that you could get either a 6/12 or 7/12. However, with some complexity and insight added to the essay, you will be able to score much better (perhaps nearing or even hitting the double digits). Hope to see further improvement :)</p>

6

<p>Your style is too self-conscious. “‘No’. I am responding ‘No’ to this prompt”. “I am going to be telling you things in paragraphs”. “I have just answered ‘No’ to the prompt”.</p>

<p>The big problem is there is no reasoning in this essay. “Money doesnt buy happiness and here are two examples”- thats not convincing. What if I give you three examples of happy rich people- who wins then? You need to have “Material possessions dont buy happiness BECAUSE _______”.</p>

<p>Having two examples where one is a pop star and the other is a fishy sounding phone call isnt great. For an easy prompt like this you should have had at least one academic example. </p>

<p>Its a 3.</p>

7

<p>Thank you guys for taking your time to read it and to leave comments. I will use your advises and try my best to improve. Thank you :)</p>

8

<p>can u please score my essay i really need as much help as possible when it comes to the sat essay section
ESSAY PROMPT
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment:</p>

<p>Too often, people–especially young people, who may not have settled on a firm identity yet–try to imitate others, because it is easier to do so than to develop their own unique individuality. They focus on trying to imitate what seems attractive or desirable in others. But imitating others is never a good idea: when we imitate others, all we do is harm our ability to develop our own individuality.
ASSIGNMENT: Is imitation of others always harmful? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
my essay
The pressuppostion that imitating others is a vice is a categorical falsehood. Although advocates of imitating other people is a vice might argue and claim that imitating other people makes one lose his own individuality and creativity. These romantic critics are too dogmatic in their provincial idealogy. Imitating others helps one excel in his personality and make it flawless. Two prominent archetypes that prominently exemplify that imitating others is a virtue are: the leaves of time, and America’s founding fathers when drafting the rules of the government.
A paradigm that illustrates that imitating others might be a virtue is Thomas duggen’s leaves of time. Leaves of time is a story of a young teenage that imitates other people because , he thinks that this will make him more affable and social.the story takes place in 21st century America . the young keeps on imitating other people that he eventually devolopes one of the best and eclecting personality. Imitating others gave him the creativity to make his own personality from aglamating all of the personalities of the people he used to imitate. In this story the imitation of others was a vice because it gave the young teen a sense of creativity that he devoided.
Another archetype that prominently exemplifies that imitating other people might be a virtue is the founding of independent United States of America in the late 18th century. When the founding fathers came to found the government of the united states , they imitated many other governments in numerous ways ; they studied all the governments of the world and chose the best aspects of the governments and merged them together to make one of the best and strongest governments around now, so in this case imitation was a virtue not a vice.
The notion that imitation of others is a vice is a fallacy that will often end in fallure. It is only by imitating others that we devolop a sense of individuality that will mak our society achieve hapiness and excel</p>

9

<p>out of 12 don’t expect anything more than 6-7. I have cut one mark for not filling both the pages (Yes, they do cut marks for it)</p>

10

<p>I actually wrote my ap essay on that I believe. lol</p>