Grade my SAT essay?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>I'm trying to get a feel for how to write these essays since they're different than school essays....any feedback would really help. </p>

<p>Prompt: Do you think that ease does not challenge us and that we need adversity to help us discover who we are?</p>

<p>My Response:</p>

<p>Throughout history, society has grown and evolved through overcoming hardships and learning lessons after getting around these obstacles. Without adversity, society is stagnant and lethargic; true identities are revealed when a problem must be resolved. Classic pieces of literature and historical figures prove that some measure of adversity is needed to progress as people and tackle structural problems.</p>

<p>Utopian novels are pervasive pieces of evidence that prove a world devoid of hardship often results in the horrors it tries to eliminate; particularly, the book 1984 by George Orwell shows how quickly a "utopia" can turn into a morbidly gruesome dystopia. The protagonist, Winston Smith, quickly comes to realize the authoritarian ways of the government. He tries to rebel, but the totalitarian regime regarded as "Big Brother" has taken every measure to suppress society's problems, and this included dissenters. There's no war, but there's no capacity to think as well. Propaganda and doublespeak confuse the public into believing everything the higher order says. there's no creativity, for without hardship, there's no purpose for innovative solutions, thus no potential for individuals to progress or allow society to evolve.</p>

<p>Historical figures prove that people who overcome obstacles emerge as influential individuals for they are able to discover their true identities. Specifically, Malala Yousafzai is an adolescent in our contemporary society who realized her ambitions as a result of her upbringing in Pakistan and having to bypass the oppression of the Taliban. As barely a teenager, she quickly realized that as a woman in her Muslim culture, she was not given equal rights because of the surrounding patriarchy. This ostensibly impossible problem led to her becoming an outspoken feminist and touching the hearts of millions. Her autobiography and slogan "I Am Malala" not only helped her realize who she was, but also help the rest of society progress by recognizing the injustices in the Middle East and Southern Asia.</p>

<p>Essentially, a culture remiss of hardship and adversity just blinds individuals from realizing their true potential. Propaganda pushing dystopias would have certainly prevented people like Malala from recognizing their individuality and changing the world. Its evident that without any structural problems to overcome, our society would not be where it is today.</p>

2

<p>Great response to the prompt. Great thesis as well as structure and organization.
Another paragraph restating the opposite point as stated by the prompt, and counteracting that on the same paragraph would show a stronger essay. Also the conclusion could have use your topic sentences from your essay in summary to provide a stronger conclusion.
Overall, good job.
Score (8/12). All things being equal.</p>

3

<p>Very nice essay coupled with apt wording and coherency. Good job. I would give it a 10/12. But please, I would like to add one thing. By saying that Malala was born into “Muslim” culture and thus did not have equal rights is representative of gross ignorance and misconception. Islam grants women full rights that it grants men. Women of early Islamic society where the first to be literate and active in academic circles as the Quran and Hadith promoted the pursuit of knowledge. Malala was raised in an environment that was under the subjugation of the Taliban who simply claim to follow religious principles in order to justify their own twisted political agenda. In reality, they couldn’t be farther than what Islam preaches. Care should be taken to avoid such major misconceptions that only cause further misunderstanding in our world today. Once again, wonderful essay. I myself have recently gotten accepted to Harvard under the Early Action program. If you ever would like to message me any essays, I’ll be more than happy to look them over. Asalam Alaikum. (Peace Be Upon You).</p>

4

<p>Thanks so much for the feedback @ccco2018 and @SultanFJ . Sorry for any misconceptions. I guess this is a good lesson to make sure there’s nothing offensive on my real SAT essay! Quick question though— @ccco2018 How I would bring in an opposite point with sounding contradictory? Also @SultanFJ do you think there’s any way for me to bump my score up to an 11-12? I really need to hammer the WR section because the CR is too unpredictable</p>

5

<p>“do you think at ease does not challenge us and that we need adversity to help us discover who we are?”</p>

<p>Words cannot describe the extent to which people are unaware and oblivious to the notion that adversities trigger self-discovery and knowledge. One should not, however, fall prey to this misconception that people can achieve self-analysis without adversities and misfortunes in their lives and is thereby acceptable or excusable. All people should acknowledge this truth. Hence, it could be said with utmost confidence that ease does not challenge us, and adversities help us achieve unparalleled heights of self-understanding. Several social and historical examples verify this claim.</p>

<p>We need look no further than the play “Pygmalion” in which Bernard Shaw meticulously constructs an archetypal “gutter-snipe”, Eliza: she lives on the streets of London, sells flower for a living, and speaks with an unrecognizably foul accent. Her life was plagued with adversities and the rigid class system shunned her to rot on her own. When professor Higgins offers Eliza free lessons to speak standard English, Eliza accepts. Little did she know that she would be demeaned and belittled. Despite the hardship, Eliza eventually elevated her status and became a garden-lady. This microcosm is significant and is germane to the topic because Eliza’s *life was teemed with unfortunate events, which were derived from class segregation; Eliza defied the norms and strived for the pinnacle of success. This marked the blue prints of British class equality; in the 1930’s, the low-class realized and unearthed self-understanding and discovered that they ought to be entitled to equal rights and opportunities.</p>

<p>Take as another example, Martin Luthar who was a Black activist during the 1960’s racist America. In 1959, King initiated thousands of non violent protest that marked the letters of “equality” in the history of the United States by eradicating racial prejudice, animosity, and inequality. MLK’s motivation was born out of discrimination and deprived opportunities given to the African American community. His life revolved around the trite maxim: “a journey of a thousand miles start with the first step”, and so his never-say-die spirit to open doors to the Black community started with the inundation of the country with protests. As a result of this, not only did MLK and the Black community see and experience enfranchisement, but also self-discovery - that every man is Nobel regardless the color of their skin.</p>

<p>Finally, Steve Job’s revealed in his biography that his hardship during his career, allowed him to discover his weakness and eventually unearthed his business personality.</p>

<p>An indisputable reality of life is that adversities, indeed, help us unearth our true selves. In final analysis, the hardships are the sparks that will ignite the engines of human development, understanding and ripen the knowledge of ourselves.</p>

6

<p>I think your response to you question was EXCELLENT! The only problem I think is that it’s too short. It’s all about quality and not quantity (which is evident in your essay), but high scorers tend to fill both pages.</p>

<p>That being said, I think you essay answers the question better and is greater dept than mine.</p>

<p>I would give 10-11. </p>

<p>Awesome :)</p>

7

<p>Hey Americandream I can’t seem to private message you (I need at least 15 posts it says) but I’d definitely be willing to grade essays/return the favor. That being said I think this is a good essay-- vocab is above average and length is astounding (you really wrote this in 25 min?). That being said I’ve heard it’s better not to include MLK in SAT essays because so many people write about him. The same goes for Hitler. I would try to think of some more unorthodox examples— “Pygmalion” is great. Steve Jobs is good, but I feel like it’s better left out in this essay because its not developed enough. Definitely at least a 10/12</p>

8

<p>Thanks for the reply! Btw, the thing is I don’t have a lot of examples as I haven’t read a lot do books in my life lol.</p>

<p>The only clear ones that I can articulate and mould my essay with are Death of a Salesman and Pygmalion?</p>

<p>Would you be kind enough to give me some “examples” of examples :slight_smile: lol</p>

9

<p>I always seem to write about books I’ve read in school-- The Scarlet Letter, 1984, To Kill a Mockingbird, or Othello have been in all my essays and seem to fit every topic. Something in US history would work too- Reconstruction and the Civil War are good.</p>

10

<p>Haha thanks! Time for sparks note!</p>

<p>I go to a British School, to know close to nothing about US history :slight_smile: </p>

<p>Thanks! </p>

<p>Cheers to Jan 25.</p>