Grade my second essay?

<p>Prompt: Can a group of people function effectively without someone being in charge?</p>

<p>Forming a group is in the human nature; humans tend to select exemplary leaders to take care of them and to make important decisions. Without those leaders, individuals often can not be audacious or inspired enough to achieve their goals. Several examples from historical events and the movie, Avatar, clearly demonstrate that success comes with a leader in charge of a group of people.</p>

<p>In the movie, Avatar, Jake Sully comes to a planet away from the Earth. He receives a mission to befriend the Naviis and to convince them so that the humans can attain the valuable resources. However, Jake soon falls in love with the leader of the Naviis' daughter and decides to protect the natives. Overpowered by the technological development of the humans, the natives were about to give up and hide. Jake Sully, then, made a speech that inspires the Naviis and the other Navii tribes to fight for their planet. With the lead of Jake, the Naviis gathered up all of their military arms, and defeated the humans. Thus, Jake stood up to lead the naviis, who were about to give in, and lead them to victory.</p>

<p>Similarly, Martin Luther King Jr. lead the African Americans to fight for their rights. While they were subjects of segregation and racial prejudice, no one had yet attempted to question the authority. However, when Martin Luther King rose up to right for the Civil Rights, the African Americans succeeded in witnessing the repealing of the segregation of the bus by boycotting for 15 months with the lead of MLK and Rosa Parks. The African Americans would have disseminated during the Civil Rights Movement(if they had even started one) without a prominent leader like MLK. Luther, therefore, united the African Americans and succeeded in achieving their goal.</p>

<p>Likewise, Hitler, the infamous dictator of Germany, was successful in uniting the people effectively to proceed their "project." Whether his action was justified or not, it is incontrovertible that he was an effective leader. Without him, the Holocaust probably would not have happened; the people of Germany were powerful because of the leadership of Hitler. Thus, Hitler's outstanding leadership led the Germans and effectively achieved their goal to a certain extent.</p>

<p>In conclusion, Jake Sully from Avatar, Martin Luther King Jr., and Hitler allowed the people, or the naviis, to achieve their goals by inspiring and leading them. Any of the successes mentioned above might not have happened if the people did not have such leader like Jake, MLK, and Hitler.</p>

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<p>I always have trouble thinking of examples to use. I ran out of time and the essay got sloppy.</p>

<p>I'm desperate to improve my essay score but it is so hard.</p>

<p>for my examples, i have:
MLK
FDR
Rosa Parks
Helen Keller
Warren Buffet
Avatar
Pursuit of Happiness
The Great Gatsby
Streetcar Named Desire</p>

<p>I do not think my examples cover many of the prompts. What more should i have!?!?!?
PLEASE GRADE MY ESSAY AND GIVE ME ADVICES!!
and some examples as well.</p>

<p>I am desperate. I have less than a month.</p>

<p>Anyone???</p>

<p>I really like your writing style. The paragraph bodies are introduced nicely. Evidence are perfect. Length is appropriate. Well structured. However, I think you could work more on the conclusion.</p>