<p>Many times people are afraid of change; however, they are motivated to change because of their goals. Martin Luther King Jr. was a prominent leader of the civil rights movement in the 1960’s and he fought for equal rights during a time of segregation. Jay Gatsby, the affluent protagonist of F.Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby, implemented a drastic change in his lifestyle to acquire the companionship of his love, Daisy. Almost anywhere in history and literature, change has been prevalent and the simple reason for this trend is that change is needed for people to accomplish their goals.</p>
<p>First, Martin Luther King Jr. engaged in nonviolent protests against the whites, who prohibited colored people from doing many things, and he also rose up against the norm to fight for what he believed in. His prompt and courageous actions are prime examples of how goals can motivate people to make a change.</p>
<p>Next, Jay Gatsby changed not only his way of life, but also his morals and ethics. Once a disciplined man in the army, Gatsby changed his way and turned to the dark realm of law breaking and crime. What was his purpose for this abrupt change? It was his quintessential dream of connecting with his love, Daisy. </p>
<p>Ultimately, what motivates humans to change and take a risk is their inner desires and the goals they wish to achieve. All people see is the finish line and change is the path toward reaching that goal.</p>
<p>Okay, so my tutor gave this example essay to me but I'm not buying it. What grade would you give this, and please be cruel.</p>
<p>i will say a 6 or 7. The intro is interesting, it captures attention but does not address the topic. The body paragraphs (if they can be called "paragraphs") clearly lack evidence and analysis. The conclusion is not enough to claim your voice. Besides, using "first, second..." is not a good structure to write the essay, especially if it is a persuasive essay.</p>
<p>I'm assuming the question is "What motivates people to change?"</p>
<p>"Almost anywhere in history and literature, change has been prevalent "
--Don't mention this in your essay because you don't back it up.</p>
<p>Body paragraph 1: you need to talk about the change. What was the situation before he changed? What was going through his mind when making the decision to change? How was the change effective/not effective?</p>
<p>Body paragraph 2: Wow, there are an unbelievable number of Great Gatsbies lately! You say that his purpose was to connect with his love, Daisy. You need to support that more. What was he like before? What were his thoughts in his decision to change? </p>
<p>Conclusion: "All people see is the finish line..." Not supported. Don't say anything that you don't support.</p>
<p>More analysis and personal thoughts are needed; please see my thread "Read this before you post your SAT essay."</p>
<p>^^ I dont have to say much. Dchow and dixonxu said it all. </p>
<p>But heres a quick suggestion. These days, everyone uses MLK and Great Gatsby as universal examples. Imagine reading essays with the same examples over and over again.
Try to use really different examples, that aren't common. This way, it engages the reader into your essay. Plus remember that the readers read the first paragraph in about 20 secs, and the whole thing in less than 5 mins (prob 2-3 mins). So making an impression is crucial.</p>
<p>^ I agree. Try thinking on your own two feet! Some people try to adapt "universal examples" into their essays, and sometimes it just doesn't work. I would argue that universal examples really aren't universal. You should go with your real thoughts, rather than try to squeeze pre-established examples to fit an essay.</p>
<p>^^ That's not good advice. There is nothing wrong with picking common examples like Civil Rights, the Declaration of Independence, To Kill a Mockingbird, or Great Gatsby. There is absolutely no need to make an attempt to find interesting examples to engage your grader. You need to find examples that answer the prompt and support your thesis. If you use examples you've prepared for ahead of time, that's even better for you. </p>
<p>Universal examples like the four I just listed can often be adapted to a variety of prompts, and if you're good enough at adapting them, it will not seem to a grader like you prepared those examples ahead of time. I used Rosa Parks, Great Gatsby, and Thomas Edison (all boring, typical examples) on my last SAT and got a 12. The time before, I used Gatsby, World War II, and another less popular book and also got a 12. Clearly nobody is biased against commonly used examples. The main issue isn't how obscure or fascinating your examples are, but how well you actually analyze the examples and tie them into your thesis. You can choose three perfectly "dull" SAT examples and get a 12. On the other hand, choosing unusual examples gives you no automatic scoring advantage and may sometimes be risky, if the grader is unfamiliar with what you are talking about. Remember that each essay is only read for a minute or so, which is not enough time for you to explain very complex and unfamiliar situations to a tired grader.</p>
<p>In summary, if you want a good essay score and are not naturally an avid or quick writer, it is to your advantage to prepare universal examples and choose from your "bank" on test day.</p>
<p>Yes, but sometimes universal examples just don't work. Well, maybe they do, but you cannot say that any example works well with any essay. For example, you might not want to use Great Gatsby on an essay that asks if the world is getting better. Even if you do use it, I think that you'd have to stretch it a bit and/or include much more support. It's more obvious to use examples like advancing technology, global warming, and world hunger issues, or the increasing access and spread of information. Those examples would be more appropriate.</p>
<p>No, not every universal example fits every prompt, but if you have prepared a list of >15 universal examples and know them thoroughly, you'll be able to choose 3 of them that fit 95% of the prompts you might receive. If you only prepare three universal examples, most of the time, it'll be obvious that you are forcing an ill-suited universal example into a more narrow prompt. Also, there are oddball prompts that must be answered with general examples like "the internet," but these are pretty rare if you look through old SAT essay prompts.</p>
<p>Yes, 15! Okay, if you want to remember 15 examples, go ahead. The main problem is when you know 3 or 4, and you try to squeeze those 3 or 4 into an SAT prompt. Those 3/4 may work, but they might not.</p>
<p>But preparing 15 possible examples, choosing 3, and only fitting 95%? It might be easier to just think on your own and write what you really think. To use those 15 examples as background knowledge (so that you can actually support your essay with evidence) is fine, but trying to fit topics that just don't work (which I see, trust me) is not. There's a distinction.</p>
<p>It's really not hard to be familiar with 15 universal examples. Gatsby, Scarlet letter, to kill a mockingbird, romeo/juliet or another shakespeare play --> 4 books. WW1, WW2, Civil rights, Watergate Scandal, Great Depression, Renaissance, Declaration of Independence and Founding Fathers --> 7 historical. Toss in a few more current events or famous people and you've already got 15 topics that most people have plenty of background knowledge on. Of course, if you're not willing to spend the time to do this, you can take the test cold and if you blank out or panic, you're out of luck. I told the kids I tutor SAT for to come up with 15 examples, and to think about overarching themes for each, and ever since, they've never had trouble coming up with relevant and detailed examples for essay prompts.</p>
<p>What do you mean "only 95%"? If I could come up with an essay that's a '12' on content 95% of the time, I'd say I'd pretty much nailed that component of the assignment. Very few people can think of a handful of brilliant examples for a general and often times vague life question in two or three panic-filled minutes.</p>
<p>It's not a big deal, but I think that, considering how much time and money some kids and parents are willing to devote to the SAT, it can only be advantageous to spend an hour or so to come up with a universal examples list.</p>
<p>This is a great example of what not to do when writing an essay. Very poorly thought out, poorly organized & poorly executed. With respect to grading this essay, it is a "D+" or a "C-".</p>
<p>Is this from the prompt asking whether change comes from within? If so, it's not really on point.
On examples: I agree that your examples don't have to be unusual--but they do have to support your thesis. My suggestion to develop examples is to think about how you would answer a lot of different prompts, and think what you would do if you had to take each side of the question. The truth is that you already know enough about lots of things to serve as good examples--you just need practice in bringing them to the surface of your mind. You might think of categories of people (Presidents, authors, composers, inventors) to help you do this. What are the four of five books you've read that you really remember well?
I would also add that you can often use the same example to "prove" either side of an argument. For example, if the question was whether original thinking is possible, you could say either:
"Einstein's theories were a quantum leap in the understanding of the universe, and they could only have come from a truly original thinker."
or
"Even Einstein's brilliant insights were built upon the structure built by those who came before him, including Newton."</p>
<p>Okay, so my tutor gave this example essay to me but I'm not buying it. What grade would you give this, and please be cruel.</p>
<p>sorry...I posted her outline no wonder I thought it was weird. When should I start practicing my essay writing (I'm taking the test in June)?</p>
<p>Sorry for wasting your time, but maybe you guys just didn't know what I meant. This essay is not mine! My tutor gave this to me as an example and I thought that maybe it is not what a SAT essay should be like. However, I found out that this was just the outline...so just forget this post! Sorry for the trouble. Plus, I haven't written a SAT essay yet so when should I start practicing (or is it never too early to start) writing the essay, and are there any particular ways to write an excellent essay even if you have a writing block on the test date? .....just wondering!</p>