Grade this Essay!

<p>**Prompt</p>

<p>Technology promises to make our lives easier, freeing up time for leisure pursuits. But the rapid pace of technological innovation and the spilt second processing capabilities of computers that can work virtually nonstop have made all of us feel rushed. We have adopted the relentless pace of the very machines that were supposed to simplify our lives, with the result that, whether at work or play, people do not feel like their lives have changed for the better. Do changes that make our lives easier not necessarily make them better?**</p>

<p>The question "Do changes make our lives easier not necessarily better" suggests that changes do not contribute toward the improvement of a person's mental well-being. In other words, alterations only serve to improve the material quality of our lives. In my opinion, changes indeed make our lives both better and easier. Throughout society and in life, the evidence to support my viewpoint is pervasive.</p>

<p>Consider the case of the Green Revolution, a movement to spread genetically altered crop seeds which yielded huge surpluses to third world countries such as Sudan and Ethiopia. The Green Revolution helped the populations of these countries live easier lives by providing them with food at cheaper prices. Hunger and starvation, which were very prevalent in these countries before, vanished completely. Not only were the lives of the citizens of these countries made easier because of a smaller economic burden, but they were made better because families had a higher chance of survival and morality rates were dramatically reduced.</p>

<p>Another example is provided by the hundred dollar laptop, introduced by the company Redhat in 2006. The laptop was made available to "technology-deficient" and poor countries such as Vietnam and Laos. It soon became a widespread phenomenon throughout government agencies, hospitals, small business ventures, and most importantly, schools. The laptop made the lives of citizens of these countries much easier because previously mentally demanding tasks were now performed in a matter of minutes. However, the laptop bettered lives as well, by providing children of these countries with two essentials of a quality life, knowledge and education.</p>

<pre><code>As a final vivid example, consider the introduction of the MMR vaccine in Eastern Europe in the 1970s. The vaccine helped save millions of lives by preventing diseases such as mumps, measles and chicken pox. Citizens could now go about their everyday lives without the fear of being affected by an epidemic. Not only did the lives of many become easier by preventing the burden on hospitals and health insurance companies, but they were bettered because the vaccine prevented many deaths.

Clearly the above examples show that chances not only make lives easier, but better them as well. The Green Revolution saved countless families by allowing them to survive droughts through crop surpluses. The laptop introduced by Redhat helped school children have greater access to a wealth of knowledge and information. Only by realizing the true power of change can we together facilitate and better the lives of our world's citizens.
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<p>most of it is factually inaccurate, but facts don't matter for the SAT essay</p>

<p>8,
10 char</p>

<p>any justification why?</p>

<p>I give it a 10</p>

<p>It has a good intro</p>

<p>3-revelant, proper, well related examples</p>

<p>It has a good conclusion</p>

<p>It's definitely a 10.</p>

<p>any advice on how to better it?</p>

<p>I'd say about a 7-8. Your information about the Green Revolution is way off (WAY off). But since you've probably never found a good source (like GlobalResearch.ca</a> - Centre for Research on Globalization) to research the cause-effect structure of the IMF and World Bank making debt-servicing loans on a condition of forced export economies, I don't blame you. The overall structure of the essay was very general, and didn't leave me feeling like I gained anything substantial, even for a short essay.</p>

<p>I noticed grammar errors.</p>

<p>rofl I am aware of how the Green Revolution screwed up countries' economies</p>

<p>but seriously a 7 or 8?</p>

<p>bump (10 char)</p>

<p>I'd give this a 9. The main concern I had about the essay was that it was kind of superficial and didn't reveal too much personal thought or analysis. This is understandable because it is a rough draft, after all, but I would have liked to see you discuss the prompt more in depth.</p>

<p>The question asked whether changes that make our lives easier necessarily make them better. It didn't ask whether changes made our lives easier and better. When I read your essay, I didn't care so much about how much you said about whether the changes were easier. I cared mostly about how much thought you put into assessing whether these changes that you mentioned made people's lives better. </p>

<p>Your thesis statement was, "In my opinion, changes indeed make our lives both better and easier." But that suggests that you haven't read the prompt carefully enough, because it asked whether the changes that make life easier necessarily make them better. That made me wonder whether the rest of your essay would address the prompt better.</p>

<p>In the first body paragraph, the only support you had that suggested that the Green Revolution made life better was, "Hunger and starvation, which were very prevalent in these countries before, vanished completely." That one sentence isn't enough. I mean, the Green Revolution is controversial. One sentence isn't enough to cover the general issues of whether life was made better. This is what I mean when I said that you gave the essay kind of a superficial feel--only one sentence of your personal thought about whether life was made easier. If you are going to use the Green Revolution, you should read up on it and then mention some instances where it arguably made life worse, and then counter that argument. That shows more of your own personal thought. You might say, well, I also said for support that "they were made better because families had a higher chance of survival and morality rates were dramatically reduced," but that's really just restating the hunger statement.</p>

<p>The second body paragraph about the laptop is similar. The only backup you have to show that life was made better is "However, the laptop bettered lives as well, by providing children of these countries with two essentials of a quality life, knowledge and education." That's also just one sentence. I would have liked it if you had discussed that statement further. How did the laptop further knowledge and education? How did further education affect the people of Vietnam and Laos? As you can see, what I really care about is how much personal thought and depth you put into explaining your point, which should be that changes that make lives easier do indeed make lives better, as a whole.</p>

<p>The last example was so-so. Basically you said that life was made better because there were fewer deaths. But that doesn't necessarily mean that my life was made better, because there are more people on the planet. Explain that for a few more sentences.</p>

<p>Conclusion: Get rid of the word "clearly," because if it wasn't clear to the reader, you'll sound arrogant and presumptuous.</p>

<p>I second a 9.</p>

<p>Setting aside factual inaccuracies, I thought your examples were good. Without these examples, your score could drop 1-2 points. Only problem was with writing style. Try to write more formal...doing without "consider the case" and "as a final vivid example" will make your essay more focused on content instead of empty phrases. As previously said, you could have done better on your thesis. Conclusion was a bit weak too. You just restated your examples, which is good, but try to write one very insightful sentence that really pulls your thesis/examples right back to the topic and the impact your essay has on it.</p>

<p>Did you write this essay for the May SAT? What was your score?</p>

<p>i wrote this essay as practice</p>