Blue Book Essay #2

<p>If you have clicked this thread, you are obligated to read my essay and grade it! Please? Pretty please? Pretty please with a cherry on top? :P</p>

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Technology promises to make our lives easier, freeing up time for leisure pursuits. But the rapid pace of technological innovation and the split second processing capabilities of computers that can work virtually nonstop have made all of us feel rushed. We have adopted the relentless pace of the very machines that were supposed to simplify our lives, with the result that, whether at work or play, people do not feel like their lives have changed for the better.</p>

<p>Assignment: Do changes that make our lives easier not necessarily make them better?

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</p>

<p>Society often regards technological and industrial change as boons to quality of life. This is indeed often true. However, changes that make our lives easier do not necessarily make them better. This can be clearly seen in the Industrial Revolution, the advent of the computer age, and the material affluence of many Western countries.</p>

<p>The Industrial Revolution, characterized primarily by a shift in the means of production towards machines, brought unprecedented progress and growth to the world. As the rate of production soared, the price of commodities plunged, thus increasing the quality of life. With this, however, came considerable disadvantages. Young women worked long hours with dangerous machinery in unventilated factories. The development of slums resulted in filthy living conditions for the laboring class. Pollution from the factories sullied the air. Children as young as five or six were sent to work with dangerous machinery. While the Industrial Revolution made life easier, it did not necessarily make life better.</p>

<p>The advent of the computer age is another prime example that proves that what makes our lives easier does not necessarily make our lives better. The computer has brought myriad positive changes that have undisputably made lives easier. However, computer and internet addiction runs rampant in modern society. Children are now stagnating in front of their computers daily rather than playing outside, contributing the national obesity epidemic. Lastly, the computer has sped up the pace of life so much that many are unable to fully enjoy life at such a frenzied pace. We see in computers more proof that changes that make life easier do not necessarily make it better.</p>

<p>In addition to the Industrial Revolution and advent of computers, the material affluence in Western countries today is another change that makes life easier but not better. People in such countries today have so many choices today that the availability of choice does not result in improvement but rather paralysis. When one goes to buy jeans, there are so many choices of styles that it takes hours to even make a decision. This paradox of choice results in unrealistic expectations and ultimately in less happy lives.</p>

<p>It is therefore apparent that changes that make lives easier do not necessarily make them better. Perhaps the simplest approach is that events like the Industrial Revolution, advent of computers, and availability of choice have disadvantages as well as advantages.</p>

<p>For the record: yes, I know that my conclusion sucked like nothing else.</p>

<p>Thanks for taking the time to read and grade!</p>

<p>Please, someone?</p>

<p>An 8.</p>

<p>10chars</p>

<p>Any constructive criticism, shiomi? :) Thanks for your response, btw.</p>

<p>Lol no, I'm an 8 essay writer too, but I guess you could have had a stronger intro and stronger examples. Also, the phrase "makes our lives easier does not make our lives better" is repeated a lot. Eh, I dunno - I only got an 8 on my SAT...</p>

<p>But I know, from viewing essays of my friends that it doesn't take that much more to get a 10. Just a textbook introduction, examples and diction that show a degree of sophistication in addition to structure and length.</p>

<ol>
<li>The first two examples are pretty good but the third one isn't. I can't see the relation between technology and availability of choices. You may want to explain that. The conclusion is weak too.</li>
</ol>

<p>I'd give you a 8. pretty good</p>

<p>@SkyHigh, the last example doesn't have to do with technology. The prompt is just asking if changes that make life easier necessarily makes it better. Affluence and availability of commodities makes life easier, but not necessarily better.</p>

<p>I know that I repeated that phrase a lot, but I guess I was trying to hammer away at the point? Must still be stuck in AP US essay writing mode. Any advice on how I could do it differently?</p>