Grammar question - please help must submit essay tonight!

College Confidential Community
1

<p>Which is better. Below is my original and a suggested revised version.</p>

<p>
[quote]
In two years I have evolved from a mediocre high school student who lacked direction into an avid learner, holding the future in his hands.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>
[quote]
In two years I have evolved from a mediocre high school student who lacked direction into an avid learner, holding the future in my hands.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Thanks for the help.</p>

2

<p>It's more a question of style rather than grammar. </p>

<p>I would go with the second one.</p>

3

<p>Ditto the style comment. Personally, I'd use the 1st.</p>

4

<p>I agree with coureur.</p>

5

<p>Haha so neither is right? That's not good! I'm indecisive.</p>

<p>Well, thanks to you three for at least replying very quickly. I'll let it keep going and use whichever one is more popular.</p>

<p>EDIT: Actually, I guess to keep my 'voice' in the essay, I guess I'll use the one I initially came up with (1st one), unless enough people say the 2nd one.</p>

6

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<p>No, BOTH are right, grammatically that is. It just to comes down to which one sounds better - more polished. IMO it's #2.</p>

<h1>2 is better because the use of "my" directs the reader to think in terms of You, rather than some abstract third person that is sugested by the use of "his."</h1>

7

<p>um, actually, since the sentence isnt in 1st person, its definately the first sentence.</p>

8

<p>I agree...the first one sounds better. The second one sounds kind of awkward, and if in doubt, you always use sound.</p>

9

<p>
[quote]
um, actually, since the sentence isnt in 1st person, its definately the first sentence.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>That's what I thought! Thanks y'all. I'm going with the original.</p>

10

<p>yeah, it was actually first person, until you said avid learner. The "his" is meant to describe the learner, which in essence, is yourself. :p</p>

11

<p>I would use the first one.</p>

12

<p>Take out the comma before "holding" and use the first one.</p>

<p>If you want to keep the comma then use "my" but it's correct to use the first one</p>

13

<p>okie dokie no more comma.</p>

14

<p>I disagree that both are correct. I suspect that 'he' is grammatically correct because it refers to the 'high school student.' However, that sounds really, really awkward, imo. And, I am not certain of this, so don't blame me if I'm wrong. But I would use 'my' as it sounds much better.</p>

15

<p>It's the comma that's the problem..."holding the future in his hands" is an adjectival phrase modifying "avid learner" so there is no need to put a comma before it. The comma makes it a kind of ambiguous add-on to the sentence. Its function in the sentence becomes vague because once you add the comma you forget what it modifies. That is why everyone is confused. Once you take out the unnecessary comma it becomes clear that it's modifying "avid learner" so you need to use "his." (You can't use "my" because you're talking about a general thing--"an" avid learner.)</p>

16

<p>Yeah, the first one. I'm late to the party, I know. Third person, first person. Can't switch in the same sentence.</p>