Guys!! Help College Essay~

<p>I'm a new memeber, and this is very confusing...
I have a essay for Rutgers College and I will also write more essays soon( in a month). PLEASE HELP!!</p>

<p>Essay: Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences. Only personal essays submitted via our website will be considered. You may enter a maximum of 4000 characters including spaces.</p>

<pre><code> Volunteer service is one of the greatest accomplishments in my life. I help many people in positive ways and I also learn significant lessons. I started to volunteer when I was a sophomore in high school. My English skill was not as proficient as my American friend, but I knew that I always wanted to assist the people. Then, I saw a place called, 'Sunrise.'

Initially, Sunrise was a place offered the best in care and comforts for Senior citizens.Happiness, excitement, and tenderness could be found in this community place. Many workers worked diligently to take care of Senior citizens like their grandparents. I began to volunteer by playing game called, “Bingo.” I called the numbers and whoever got a Bingo, I gave them presents, such as candies, chocolates, and bathrooom supplies. Senior citizens were laughing, talking, and enjoying the game and they always treated me nicely like their grandchildren. As a first year of community service, I already knew most of the Senior citizens and they always welcomed me when I went there to volunteer. Then, I wanted to do more, such as playing scrabble, talking and listening their past lives or stories. Sometimes, they told exactly same stories over and over, but I gladly listened every minute and responded with happy and enthusiastic emotions. There was a one lady from Mexico and she couldn't comprehend English. She was lonely, depressed all the time, and I came to her with big smile and tried to use my Spanish skill from high school. She began to weep in gasping, choking sobs. Her face felt raw with weeping because she finally found a person who has a skill to communicate with her. We talked with each other every week and built a strong friendship. On my last day at the Sunrise, most of the Senior citizens cried sad with tears. They gave mild hugs and presents and I left there with better personality than before. In addition, I gained my confidence and changed my personality.
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<p>The East Brunswick Public Library is a second place where I volunteer. I was responsible for the Biography and Science Fiction sections. First couple weeks, it was very hard because some of people constantly used the books and put them on other place. However, I tried to shelve as accurately as possible. This experience has given me better concentration. When some of adults were looking for the books I used my Korean and Spanish skills to translate what they wanted to find and to assist them. I found this experience helpful and began to decide my major in college. </p>

<pre><code>Lastly, The East Brunswick Youth Council was one of the most important volunteer services in my life. East Brunswick Youth Council gave variety of opportunities for students to volunteer in so many events. I believe that Walking To Cure Diabetes was the best community service I have ever done in my life. This event was sponsored by Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation and people worked together in a healthy activity for a worthy cause, raising money to find a cure for diabetes. I learned valuable lessons in this event, such as facing the problem as much as possible, not giving up and trusting yourself. Most of the people were sick, but they never gave up finishing the walk. I felt like it was graceful and amazing to watch the people's efforts. End of my junior year, I finally decided to take an executive board position and became an environmental chair. I was so content and excited because I always wanted to give more opportunities to students by add more events and they could take something valuable principles from this experience.

I strongly believe that Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of background and experiences. I also believe that I can use my volunteer experiences, new knowledge and important lessons that I learned to other people who need my help. I hope that I will be part of Rutgers University and will assist the community as much as possible.
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<p>In addition ,I do not have a AIM MESSENGER or other thing,so e-mail would be great!!</p>

<p><a href="mailto:NYUETH89@hotmail.com">NYUETH89@hotmail.com</a></p>

<p>Please do not post your essay like that for all to see.</p>

<p>Oh, I thought we could write it!! sorry
HOw Do I delete this thread?</p>

<p>You are allowed to post an essay up if you want. Just remember this advice.</p>

<p><a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=258179%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=258179&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>I don't know about deleting it. Can you still edit it?</p>

<p>Alright if you are a high school student i highly suggest going to an English teacher and asking to review the various grammatical issues your essay has. Also the structure of the essay is very poor, its very list-y. You should 1. Change a lot of your essay as now people see it they can steal it and get you in trouble for plagiarism 2. Fix all the grammatical errors and get intelligent friends and English teachers to correct it 3. Change the structure you just mention volunteer experiences, you should have worldly travel experiences too and cultures you’ve observed, and even other successes 4. Take it to a guidance counselor and get them to check if this would be an optimal essay to submit they have seen countless essays and know what colleges want.</p>