<p>TaraMom, cyber hug to you for being the mom of the year. I have been thinking about you and your family so thanks for updating us.</p>
<p>Silver lining.... no school is perfect. No major is perfect. No campus is perfect. No dorm is perfect. No job is perfect. You get to turn off your hearing aid the first time any of the above becomes a subject of discussion between you and your daughter. She has chosen the path she wants to take, and she'll now have to cope with the ups and downs that will come her way. You have the benefit of age and experience to let you know that even the best college experience has bad days or weeks or months.... this is what she chose, you support her decision, but it's not your problem to fix, whatever the crises du jour!</p>
<p>Hats off to hubby too. Sounds like he's come a long way and deserves some credit for supporting a decision that he doesn't agree with.</p>
<p>TaraMom, you are the most amazing mother. I mean, i love my mother to death but you are just WOW. All the best to your family and I'm so glad you and your husband will continue counseling. I am sending positive thoughts to your D, who I hope will be happy and successful. :)</p>
<p>Tara, best wishes to your daughter. You should be very proud of her confidence in her identity and insight into her choices. And you deserve sainthood. I just read your saga for the first time today and felt the emotional roller coaster. This was bviously, for whatever reason, a very personal thing for your hubby. He'll need some pampering over the next several weeks to make him feel better about this decision. I must say that I wonder if he would have felt or acted differently if this had been a son rather than a daughter. Something tells me he might.</p>
<p>Taramom - she made the right choice. My son and I looked at UCLA theater. I was more impressed by UCLA than he was. He immediately did not want to go there but I made him apply. Your take on their program is right on, only I couldn't see it. These dedicated kids know where they fit better than we do.</p>
<p>Hooray for the ladies who hold their ground!!! Your D has learned a valuable lesson. Congrats to your and your husband for teaching her to stand firm. PSU is a great school.....BFA or not!</p>
<p>TaraMom, I already knew the outcome from the MT forum but am glad you recounted the final "climax" story here where you so openly shared it. I am proud of your daughter for knowing what she wants and going after it. I am proud of you as a mother for supporting your daughter and being the voice of reason when there was a rift within the house over this issue. You were in a bit of a difficult position. I'm proud of your husband for backing down in the end but most of all, I hope he realizes that he'll be happiest when he sees how happy his daughter is....that is what matters, way more than what school he felt was right. She's happy, so he will most likely be happy. </p>
<p>I feel your daughter made the right choice given her focus. Sorry my D won't be joining your D but we liked what we saw in the BFA program at PSU and she even got admitted but alas, she can only go to one program. Perhaps their paths will cross in the theater world. </p>
<p>Fathers Day is coming up. I might not try out the Penn State sweatshirt on him yet, but I'l bet you can think of something to smooth all this over.</p>
<p>Well, er yes we've already...I mean I've already...<cough> thought of...something</cough></p>
<p>Right now I'm just reveling in being back to having normal dinner table conversation again and that we can even have "happy talk" about college and graduation day and move-in plans like every other family is doing right now.</p>
<p>Thank you again everyone for expressing your thoughts and good wishes.</p>
<p>Taramom, I'm glad that everything is resolved, at least, for the moment. Good job staying sane, btw! ;)</p>
<p>From what you've said, I don't think that you were caught in the middle. You really were advocating for your daughter. Although I agree with your husband's original pov on UCLA, he was the more experienced adult, as opposed to an 18-year old high school senior, and he had his chance to express his concerns when your daughter was in the process of applying. That was the time to sit down with her and discuss his concerns about Penn State. To pull rank once she was accepted to both programs was really a betrayal. If he allowed the Penn State app to be submitted with the clear understanding that he would provide financial support, he was basically giving his permission for her to attend either college. </p>
<p>So, why wasn't he happy with her final decision? It's whatever her differentiation, her separation from you guys and her autonomy as a young adult, signified to him when the prospect of actually going to college hit home. Your husband may have felt powerless because she went against his more experienced judgment. He may have felt that UCLA represented his success as a parent, i.e. if she chose UCLA, the superior program in his mind, it would validate his success in raising her. It might have had something to do with a sense of abandonment if she moved so far away from home. The parenting templates that he was bringing to the table were influencing his responses and creating a struggle, mostly between father and daughter.</p>
<p>It sounds like you did a great job of listening to both sides. The next time they try to pull you into the middle, tell them to go talk to each other, and then, get back to you! There needs to be more direct communication between the two of them. </p>
<p>Believe me, we've all been there! This is what makes it soooooo tough to be the parent of an adolescent and why nothing really prepares us for the adjustments we have to make just when we think it's going to get easier. Have fun picking out X-Long sheets! :)</p>
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He'll need some pampering over the next several weeks to make him feel better about this decision
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<p>I wanted to emphasize this point. I know a couple that almost got divorced over their son's college choice (mom sent in deposit for Williams behind dad's back, when practical dad wanted state school). </p>
<p>I think you did the best thing for your daughter to potentially avoid a life of regret for her-- BUT I also feel you and your daughter need to thank your hubby over and over for this to keep family harmony.</p>
<p>I haven't read the whole thread but TaraMom's D has made her choice very thoughtfully. It's not a case of "she'll get over it," it's a case of PSU has the better program <em>for her</em>. </p>
<p>This is a case where getting hung up with prestige or arbitrary rankings is detrimental to a student taking the program that is the best fit.</p>
<p>Bluntly, the dad/husband is being unreasonable.</p>
<p>I've gone and read more of this thread. TaraMom, three cheers for you. A clear vision, sensitivity, and well done. I've seen fewer paired choices where the "right" one was more obvious than this.</p>
<p>(Btw, my better half has worked at UCLA for a quarter of a century...it's a great school...but not the one for your D.)</p>
<p>Bravo to all three of you. I've also been wondering how this worked out. I think the ending will only get happier as time passes and H sees what a good choice your daughter made.</p>
<p>*If he allowed the Penn State app to be submitted with the clear understanding that he would provide financial support, he was basically giving his permission for her to attend either college. *</p>
<p>Yes we clearly didn't discuss all the possible outcomes I guess because we just couldn't imagine them. Remember, she had a 1030 SAT and a 3.33 GPA--not a recipe for success at too many places let alone UCLA. So yes we did approve her college apps with the implicit understanding that if she got into only one, we would just have to pay the price no matter what it was. If she got into more than one, we would go with whichever gave the best value (as I recall it)--not just arbitrarily pick the cheapest (as my H recalls it). So we were resigned in advance to paying hefty tuition as we didn't believe she would have many choices. No question, we didn't compare as many potential scenarios as we should have.</p>
<p>He may have felt that UCLA represented his success as a parent, i.e. if she chose UCLA, the superior program in his mind, it would validate his success in raising her.</p>
<p>Boy this sounds right on target. What are your rates? Do you see couples? ;)</p>
<p>TaraMom, all I can say is that I so admire your patience and understanding. I'm not at all sure I would not have shipped DH (not so sure term is approproate right now) off way earlier in the process. You are mature and patient and your daughter is lucky!</p>