Thank you. I appreciate that you see that my closeness with my family is one of the main issues at play. I will say that exercise has always made me feel terrible, since I’ve always hated strenuous exercise/sports/etc. Nonetheless, thank you for your kind words.
@“aunt bea”
Thank you. It is scary to consider starting fresh with a new counselor, who knows nothing about me. Catching them up to speed is quite difficult! That being said, it may help.
I do feel quite lost, but hopefully they’ll have heard similar stories from other students.
Well, I chose to go to my current college not for financial reasons, nor due to parental pressure. I did not have strong positive or negative feelings about any of the 15 schools I visited. This one was about as good as all of the others.
I like its prestige because it gives me the sense that my years of hard work are recognized. My fear with transferring is that it would be such an enormous hassle, and I have no indication that it would help. I agree that being back in NYC might help, but the college experience itself will not likely change. It would, though, allow me to see my therapists in person, as opposed to phone/skype sessions. That would be a plus.
Going away from home to college is a hard transition. Lot’s of people chafe under the yoke of their parents and can’t wait to get away. I wasn’t one of them, and neither are you. It gets better over time. My advice coming from personal experience would be to stick with it. Don’t transfer.
I don’t know if you are living on or off campus, but I would HIGHLY recommend moving off campus if you haven’t. Look for a really nice place with all the comforts of home, that will help a bit. Live someplace luxurious, it will give you something to look forward to. Also consider upgrading your car. A new car is exciting, especially a fancy one and is bound to take your mind off your troubles.
Thanks for the advice. The tip about living off campus seems smart to me…it might provide me some of the domestic comfort that I miss. It will be lonely without my family, but may be an improvement nonetheless.
ALSO: I do not have a driver’s license. Being from NYC, there was never any need for one. So I can’t drive!
Reading between some of the lines here, it seems that what you’re sad about (missing family, etc.) is very real whereas the things that you think should make happy are far more fleeting. You thought that accomplishing certain things (such as admission to your current prestigious college) would make you feel better than they have. So there’s lots of going through the motions and striving for the ends (which for all their work, are achieved in a moment), but not a lot of mindfulness around the means. You’ve gotten a lot of good advice here, but I especially like @auntbea’s about volunteering. It might help you get out of your own head for while, make some connections where your talents will have real meaning (and maybe allow you to have some of the feelings that you get from family), and give you a sense of purpose. And while it seems contradictory, coupling this some kind of practice that will help you reflect on your life – meditation, journaling, yoga, attending a quaker meeting – anything where you can really be present for yourself, could help. Not to say that any of this is a replacement for good professional help, but it worries me that for all your gifts, you feel so empty. I’m not really so new age as this post might suggest, just want to be helpful.