I am enrolled at a fairly selective institution. I attended a prestigious NYC high school and worked extremely hard my whole life to attend a top college in order to help create a stable life for myself. As a high school student, though, I dreaded college––I love my childhood apartment, love my parents, and was saddened by the prospect of leaving these things behind, with nothing to look forward to in college.
Now, in college, the sadness remains. I keep in touch with my parents––that is not the problem. Rather, I miss my home life, miss my neighborhood, miss the days and nights I spent in my apartment. While I’m not super outgoing, I’ve met people here at college who are friendly and interesting––they do not help me with how I feel. While I am a very strong academically, do well in my classes, etc., none of it holds any interest for me––I just put up with it. I also have several talents (serious pianist/composer for 14 years, writer of fiction, etc.), but I do not wish to pursue any of them professionally and, in any case, they do not really help with the sadness. I am still undecided in terms of my major––all classes I have seen or taken are “okay,” all tolerable and moderately interesting at times, but I have no ambition to pursue any of them in greater depth. Keep in mind, too, that I have tried MANY courses of my school’s massive course catalogue. Nothing calls out to me.
I speak to therapists, but they agree that much of how I feel is based in my day to day life, not in floating mental health issues like depression.
A gap year/transfer is not, however, an option for me because I still believe that this college is as good a choice for me as any. I have no particular complaints about the institution itself, and I don’t want to complicate my future life by making a bad choice.
Why not pursue fiction writing and music composition if they give you joy and you have talent for them? Perhaps you are sad because you are pursuing what you think you “should” do, and not what you truly want.
Thank you for the response! I really appreciate the help. I’m new to this forum so it’s nice to hear from someone right away
Unfortunately, they don’t really bring me “joy.” I have a natural ability for them, and I pursued them largely to bolster my resume for admission. I don’t enjoy either enough to warrant devoting more time.
I’m certainly not a trust fund kid! I know I’ll need o do something, which is why I worked to hard to get into the right school. However, I have no particular ambitions currently and nothing that interests me in any real way. It may just come to closing my eyes and picking one at random, but that’s a sad thought lol. College is giving me no new clarity about my life and none of my efforts to figure it out (trying out classes, etc) have helped at all. Plus being at college just makes me sad in general.
See a new therapist who has no history with you. Start from scratch. Do NOT get a referral from your existing therapists. Get a referral fro your college’s student health center.
My advice is different from the other posters. Why not look into transferring to a school that would allow you to commute from home? There is nothing wrong with that. I strongly suspect you have great schools close to your family’s apartment. Try to transfer to one of them. Why not? And, since you are already connected to that city, you will probably have entry to some opportunities others don’t. There is nothing wrong with living in your family home and going to school. The US is one of few places that stresses the need for 18 year olds to severe ties with the family and ship themselves across the country as a criteria for establishing that you are “growing up”. Unnecessary! Connections, as long as they are not pathologically dependent, are healthier than the ability to severe all ties. Of course, someplace in the middle is best. You show no signs of pathological dependence as far as I can detect from your post.
Of course I am assuming they have a few decent schools in your home city and you will probably enhance the chances of getting internships and jobs in your home city if you attend school there.
Thank you very much for the help. I will ask about it, although I am reluctant to sever ties with my current two therapists who k ow me very well. I do want to stress that this is a college related issue, not an issue of general mental health, according to all I’ve spoken to. Anyway, I can’t thank you enough for your advice.
@StevenForeman7 – I wonder if you have talked with your parents about how you feel? There are, as you know many great colleges in and around NYC - do not not know how often you get back home currently. Might be worth discussing some options - including adding some Skype sessions with family and planning to go on a family trip when possible. If there are “good things” to look forward you doing, you might feel better about using your day to day time at college to learn and enjoy yourself. It is not a permanent home there. You worked very hard to get where you are and you have options - as to your major and and other things as well. I would try to talk to an advisor at your college and others you trust as well. I hope you are able to get some help soon.
You imply in your post that you are from NYC. NYC has amazing private and public schools. I am suspecting that perhaps you are away at school due to a scholarship or parental pressure to pick the best school possible. It seems that the school is a very bad fit for you no matter how prestigious. My suggestion is explore options to transfer so you can live at home and present those to your parents. Some schools offer transfer students scholarships as well. In addition some prestigious schools are easier to transfer into than get in right out of high school. (I’m curious how you are seeing two therapists that have been seeing you for years, when you have actually moved away ?)
You’ve had 2 therapists for years, but nobody raised a red flag about a student who before they even went to college was saddened about having nothing to look forward to in college?
You were sad before you went. You are sad now. You had nothing to look forward to before you went. You have nothing to look forward to now. Nothing brings you joy.
And that’s not a mental health issue?
Unless there’s an elephant in the room you haven’t mentioned, at the least consider going to a completely different counselor. Show him/her these posts. Getting a second opinion can’t hurt, and might help. What have you got to lose?
While you figure out your major, could you start in the foundation courses in a good general major that can be applied to many settings, such as business/management? Those courses might also easily transfer should you decided to attend a school you can commute to from home.
Try to involve yourself in activities that are similar to “homey lifestyles”. Groups and clubs that feel like family should help. Do you volunteer? That’s where my dd found her friends and similar-thinking individuals.
I don’t think you’ve allowed yourself to consider your college as a second home. You’ve been too focused on home activities and appear to be doing, all you can, to focus on being homesick instead of actively seeking like-minded activities. Your parents have put a lot of time, costs and worry into hoping that you succeed in college. What was the point in doing that if you just want to go back home?
I think you need to see a counselor on a weekly basis just to talk about your thoughts and clear your head. If that is going to take another counselor or peer-counselor, then do it. It will help your “mental health” non-issues just by talking to someone, even if its just about academic issues, career choices. I agree with @TomSrOfBoston and @collegemom3717, you had prior issues that need to be addressed by someone other than your previous therapists who don’t appear to have helped.
I agree with @lostaccount. Some students are more ready to move out than others. I suggest you transfer and live at home if that makes you happier. Eventually you might get an apartment close to home. I’m glad your therapist isn’t labeling you - that happens too often and is too easy to do. It doesn’t sound like you have mental issues. It sounds like you want to be close to your family. Nothing wrong with that.
Also if you are feeling sad - get outside and exercise. Exercise raises the mood and helps release stress. Sorry I know that’s off topic but it’s true. When I went to college I made sure to take a trip to the gym as often as I could. Even today as a mom of 2 kids I try to get outside for a walk each day and if I can’t do that I go to the gym. Exercise clears the mind - even if it’s just for 20 minutes.
Thanks dyiu13. That’s a very good suggestion, and one I’ll probably take. All else aside, it’s probably a good idea to come out of the experience with a major with many different applications.
Thank you for your help. I will ask around to speak to someone other than my current two therapists, and maybe it will grow into a weekly arrangement. My concern is that because my unhappiness stems from actual circumstances, rather than free-floating depression, it cannot be helped much by talk therapy. Nonetheless, yours is a good suggestion and I will pursue your advice. Thank you.
and you will probably enhance the chances of getting internships and jobs in your home city if you attend school there.