Have A Laugh...

Pre-College Issues High School Life
1

<p>This was passed to me via a chain letter:</p>

<p>"Why did the chicken cross the road?</p>

<p>Finally, some authoritative answers to this age-old question!</p>

<p>BARACK OBAMA:</p>

<pre><code>The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!
</code></pre>

<p>JOHN MC CAIN:</p>

<pre><code>My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
</code></pre>

<p>HILLARY CLINTON:</p>

<pre><code>When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......
</code></pre>

<p>OPRAH:</p>

<pre><code>Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
</code></pre>

<p>GEORGE W. BUSH:</p>

<pre><code>We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
</code></pre>

<p>COLIN POWELL:</p>

<pre><code>Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...
</code></pre>

<p>ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:</p>

<pre><code>We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
</code></pre>

<p>JOHN KERRY:</p>

<p>Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.</p>

<p>NANCY GRACE:</p>

<pre><code>That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
</code></pre>

<p>PAT BUCHANAN:</p>

<pre><code>To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
</code></pre>

<p>MARTHA STEWART:</p>

<pre><code>No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
</code></pre>

<p>DR SEUSS:</p>

<pre><code>Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
</code></pre>

<p>ERNEST HEMINGWAY:</p>

<pre><code>To die in the rain. Alone.
</code></pre>

<p>GRANDPA:</p>

<p>In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.</p>

<p>BARBARA WALTERS:</p>

<pre><code>Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.
</code></pre>

<p>ARISTOTLE:</p>

<pre><code>It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
</code></pre>

<p>JOHN LENNON:</p>

<pre><code>Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
</code></pre>

<p>BILL GATES:</p>

<pre><code>I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% .......... reboot.
</code></pre>

<p>ALBERT EINSTEIN:</p>

<p>Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?</p>

<p>BILL CLINTON:</p>

<pre><code>I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
</code></pre>

<p>COLONEL SANDERS:</p>

<pre><code>Did I miss one?
</code></pre>

<p>DICK CHENEY:</p>

<pre><code>Where's my gun?
</code></pre>

<p>AL SHARPTON:</p>

<pre><code>Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens!"
</code></pre>

<p>XD</p>

2

<p>XD</p>

<p>that just brightened my day!</p>

3

<p>Lol, I liked the Bill Clinton one and Albert Einstein one. But they were all funny. :)</p>

4

<p>Those were really clever. I liked them!</p>

5

<p>You missed one:</p>

<p>BILL COSBY:
You see the kids...and the pokemon...and the chicken goin' cluck cluck cluck...and now he's on the other side of the road...you see...</p>

6

<p>The Nancy Grace one made me laugh really hard, and the Seuss one sounded really genuine.</p>

7

<p>Cute :).<br>
Hemingway's made me laugh, because my very right-wing World History teacher hated him (Faulkner fan). Although I suppose Faulkner's could have been right up there:</p>

<p>The chicken crossed the road, leisurely Southern dust kicking up behind his claws as he plodded along. There was a car coming, emerging from the Southern horizon, the hot Southern sun bouncing off the metallic doors as it is apt to do in the South. The chicken would probably die an obscure, lonely death in the road, left to lie in the gutter alongside a typical Southern main street, never to see his Lady Chicken again, until some small town character--the only barber, or the florist, or the boardinghouse owner--swept him into a bag to feed him to his very Southern hunting dogs.</p>

<p>lol</p>

8

<p>lol those were great. i liked the einstein and the al sharpton one the best...</p>

9

<p>The Hemingway one was great. </p>

<p>smart.cookie, the Bill Cosby one made me laugh for like 5 minutes.</p>

10

<p>lol I got this forwarded to me a while back</p>

11

<p>I have my own.</p>

<p>Why DIDNT the skeleton cross the road?</p>

<p>Because he didn't have any GUTS.</p>

12

<p>lol...some of those were pretty funny.</p>

<p>thanks</p>

13

<p>i loved the transition from Dr.Seuss to Ernest Hemingway. lold</p>

14

<p>Lmao. Nice.</p>

15

<p>That was hilarous it made my day.</p>

16

<p>I'd like to add a additional detail, please!
*just to make it complete</p>

<p>Dr. Phil:
Welcome to another another episode. Today on the show, we have the chicken, telling his thoughts that went through his mind when he made the final decision to cross the road. So tell me chicken, what was going on at the time?....</p>

<p>xDD</p>

17

<p>I found a page with lots more (Bored.com</a> - The Chicken Joke) Here are some of my favorites from there:</p>

<p>Malcolm X's Answer:
The chicken didn't cross that road, the road crossed that chicken</p>

<p>Mythbusters's Answer:
If you fire a frozen chicken out of a cannon; not only will it cross a road, it could be a lethal projectile.</p>

<p>The Cast of House's Answer:
Cameron: We should watch the chicken, but not force it or manipulate it. Find out what that tells us about its past actions, but not do anything dishonest.
Chase: It's just a chicken. It was probably running away from some fat American kid.
Foreman: You're both wrong it's a neurological reaction to stimuli. Come on people.
House: Actually you're all wrong. The real question is why should we care? The answer is we shouldn't. Next case. Oh and give me my damn pills!</p>

<p>Jules Verne's Answer:
Under a 125 F.At 36 degree North and 115 degree East, and at 03:00 GMT, Professor Chicken entered history as his Cannon propelled him through the road.</p>

<p>Sherlock Holmes's Answer:
I deduce this was a Rock Island hen, eleven months old, and that it was kept in a mesh cage composed of galvanized iron. Surely Watson, you can see this is a festive Sunday afternoon, and the chicken is but one step ahead of the family stew pot.</p>

<p>NIETZSCHE's Answer:
The chicken who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run across the road; one cannot fly into flying.</p>

<p>EMILY BRONTE's Answer:
The warm spring breeze was light in its touch upon the moors, and the stony brook babbled past the kirk yard as Chickerine approached the road. Though a sheltered young lady, contact with the handsome usurper Heathcluck had excited her womanish passions. Come what may, in foolish defiance of my seasoned advice, she would cross it, and meet her fate upon the Heights.</p>

<p>WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE's Answer:
Beware of entrance to the freeway; but being in,
Bear't that the opposed side may be obtained by thee,
Noble heart.</p>

<p>Jessica Simpson 's Answer:
Why would he be one a road, I thought chickens lived in the ocean?</p>

<p>Homer Simpson 's Answer:
There was free beer on the other side of the road.</p>

<p>Snoop Dogg 's Answer:
This (censored) fool of a chicken didn't (censored) know
what the (censored) he was doin crossin a (censored) alley in (censored) Harlem at 1:00 in the (censored) mornin'.</p>

<p>Isaac Newton 's Answer:
The duck suggested to the chicken that they play
follow the leader then the duck crossed the road causing the chicken to cross after it, but at the same time holding up traffic, thus proving that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction .</p>

<p>Colonel Sanders' Answer:
I missed one?</p>

18

<p>Homer Simpson:</p>

<p>mmmmmm...chicken</p>

19

<p>Some of these are really great :)</p>

20

<p>
[quote]
JOHN LENNON:</p>

<p>Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>XD 10 char</p>