Have a Look at my Essay

<p>Essay Prompt</p>

<p>Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.</p>

<p>For a variety of reasons, people often make choices that have negative results. Later, they regret these choices, finding out too late that bad choices can be costly. On the other hand, decisions that seem completely reasonable when they are made may also be the cause of later disappointment and suffering. What looks like a wonderful idea at one time can later seem like the worst decision that could have been made. Good choices, too, can be costly.</p>

<p>Assignment:
Are bad choices and good choices equally likely to have negative consequences? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>**My Response</p>

<p>The word choice and the meaning of human life are almost synonymous. Choices allow us to express ourselves and promote our motives. However, some choices, good or bad, can have unwarranted consequences. This can be exemplified in literary works such as the Great Gatsby and the Scarlet Letter and also through from former civilizations such as the Roman Empire.</p>

<p>In the Great Gatsby, after the main characters are introduced, a former relationship between Gatsby and Daisy is discovered. Gatsby tries to resume this relationship, and is successful for the time being. However, Tom, Daisy's husband, resentful of this relationship, when he discovers its existence seeks revenge. He falsely accuses Gatsby as the cause of Wilson's spouse's death, thus angering Wilson. Wilson then shoots Gatsby. Thus, Gatsby comes to regret his choice of following Daisy, even though she is married, with death.</p>

<p>Another example of the negative effect of bad choices is found in the literary classic Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne. In the novel, Dimmesdale forces himself to not reveal that he is the father of Hester's child. This truth later comes to haunt him and slowly eats away at his moral conscience. He is found to be engaging in nightly vigils, inflicting himself with physical harm. This later leads to his death. Even though his choice seemed to be an easy escape from societal harm at the time, it eventually leads to his death, thus demonstrating that it was a bad choice.</p>

<p>In addition to the literary works, examples of bad choices can be found in history. One can primarily see this in the fall of the Roman Empire. When it was in its premier times, the Roman Empire successfully imposed a policy of conquering lands and pilaging their riches. However, as time passed, and the Roman Empire's defenses weakened, the same people who the Romans had once conquered, unleashed their hatred upon the failing Empire. Thus, this led to its dramatic downfall.</p>

<p>Therefore, as it can be seen seemingly good choices, if not thought through carefully, can have disastrous consequences. The proverbial saying is true: the past can indeed come back to haunt you.**</p>

<p>It’s a decent essay. I’d give it a ten since it’s a good length and offers good explainations. To get that 12, I think that maybe some of your sentences could be a little more detailed and contain more sophisticated vocabulary.</p>

<p>Here are the main problems with your essay:</p>

<p>1) Are you really answering the prompt, which asks about whether good or bad choices are more likely to have negative consequences?
2) Your thesis is too simple and unspecific (Bad decisions lead to bad consequences), which undermines the rest of your essay.
3) Too much example description and not enough time spent connecting the example to your thesis, especially in the Gatsby paragraph</p>

<p>Right now, it’s probably at a 9-10</p>

<p>Holistically, your essay sounds very basic, rigid, and mechanical. Try to use better diction and syntax. I noticed it especially in the Gatsby paragraph that you used mostly short sentences, which created a very staccato style that seriously impacted the flow of your paper.</p>

<p>Ideas were also pretty basic, I would try to expand a little more. (And analyze, not just tell, esp in Gatsby paragraph)</p>