Have a peek at my essay please?

<p>Hi, was wondering if I could get some people familiar with college essays to have a look at this international student' one because I don't really have a major idea of what to write about. In saying that I just tried to come off as unique and special as I could by changing aspects of the writing so I was wondering if someone could tell me whether I went too far with it or not?</p>

<p>I’ll read :]</p>