I think there are two separate themes in @Xystus OP. The first has to do with forming a new group of friends around the BS parents. On that, I’d say, maybe you can establish some friendly acquaintances, but probably not real friends unless you’re really lucky. Parents at our local HS have a history with each other that generally dates back to kindergarten, and they continue to face logistical issues (pick-ups, scheduling issues, school politics) that are different for BS parents. The CC folks (as always!) have already given a bunch of good ways to connect with other BS parents, especially through events that allow contact with the same parents on a repeated or extended basis – attending games, volunteering to help with day long events, serving on an event or issues committee. And I have used @soxmom’s e-mail method as well, especially if I’ve taken a camera with me, to send a photo of someone’s child.
If you’re asking, though, how do you get the “inside scoop” (i.e., you’re allowed to take a course over the summer, avoid Mr. XYZ’s class, etc.), the established channels may work for most of that. Our experience is that the school would rather have you take up these issues with them than wonder about or game them. (I’ve also been amazed at how often I’ve talked to someone at school about something and seen that my input is reflected in a new policy or program – I think that schools genuinely are interested in feedback if it’s not confrontational.) Teachers, coaches, dorm parents, advisors, deans – they’re all accessible.
If I had one thing to do over, I’d have been bolder about finding out what the expectations were around parental communication – with whom, how often, for what. We were very hands off, and while the expectation at BS is that your kids will be independent, I think that the schools also know that these are quite young people, and that you know your child best. We pretty much accepted the communications we got, met teachers on visiting weekends, etc. Some parents were checking in with teachers or dorm parents quite regularly – this never crossed our minds! When I’ve felt like we needed to talk to someone, most exchanges have begun with “I wish you’d come to me with this earlier” and people have been REALLY helpful with whatever it is. Chatting with other parents on visiting days, at events, or whatever has always been eye-opening, whether I knew them or not, so I’d suggest that you take advantage of these situations as much as possible. These generally pointed us toward the right channels for info rather than providing it directly. You don’t need to know people first (or maintain a relationship afterwards); remember that most parents don’t know many other parents either. Lastly, if your school has both day and boarding students, you may find that each is tapped into a different channels (for whatever reason), so don’t assume that only a parent whose kid share the same status as yours can be helpful.