Hi! I’m a freshman at a state university in Ohio well known for partying. However, despite the student friendly atmosphere in the college town where I am attending school, I haven’t actually made any friends. I’ve met people here and there, but there is no one who I could text or call if I was in bind. I have the phone numbers of two people who attend my university that I did not know in high school, one being my floormate and the other being my roommate. So, yeah, I haven’t really made a lot of friends. I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong. I’ve been for a month and half, going into my seventh week, and people seem to have found their groups and people. I’ve joined some clubs, but I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong. I’m pretty funny (I perform standup on a relatively regular basis), I’m outdoorsy, I’m naturally out-going. I’m a good friend and a great listener, I’m very nice. I’m a little bit of an introvert, and being alone calms me down, but I do want people. I want people to spend time with. I always had a close knit group of friends in high school and I miss having people to talk to and laugh with and rely on.
First off, I mentioned my school is well known for partying. That isn’t why I came, though. My school has an amazing journalism school, nationally ranked, and that’s what I am studying. That was the draw for me. I want to be a political journalist. I don’t party - I can’t actually. Back in high school, I was diagnosed with mild to severe clinical depression and bipolar disorder. I’m on meds, and I’m doing fine, but I can’t mix them with alcohol. It could tox my liver, decreases the effects of the anti-depressants, and leads to increased depression. All around, you can’t mix them. So I don’t drink. Depression is horrible and awful and I’ve been there, with no intentions of going back.
Originally, I went through formal recruitment with the intent of joining a sorority. I thought I would find my people there and I would make friends. I’m a girl, and I’ve always been involved in something - sports, student government, ect, so a sorority seemed like a good place to find friends. Anyway, I went through and found a house I loved with people I connected with - unfortunately, I couldn’t afford the chapter and had to drop after Bid Day. So that was a bust.
I then joined women’s rowing. I had never done it before, and I thought I was making friends, but the practice schedule was a bit too intense for me. I missed my first class that week because I was so tired from practice I overslept, fell asleep in another class because we had a morning practice and swim test that exhausted the hell out of me, got behind on reading and and was looking at being away from campus for 4 consecutive weekends for regattas. It’s my first year, and while I was meeting people and ultimately enjoying it, I haven’t full adjusted to how much work school is. I really do need to focus on doing well, since that’s why I’m here.
Other than that, the only club I’m involved in is a professional society for my major. I would join more, but the time of joining has past and since a lot of the clubs at my school are linked to national organizations, they can’t add members past a certain date.
My floor in the dorm is relatively unsocial. I’ve never seen two of my neighbors and most of the time, everyone has their door shut. People aren’t around, and it’s impossible to get people to attend things like RA run programs and whatnot, usually because people at this school go out to the bars and clubs every single night. I try not to isolate myself - I began the school year by just going out to the parties on the weekends, thinking I could meet people even though I was alone. It turns out it didnt work that way, because I was sober and everyone else was drunk, so everyone I met and then tried to talk to the next day didn’t remember me and would brush me off with a “oh, last night? I was drunk as hell, haha, sorry”. Now, house parties have become invite only, so it’s lots of bars and I don’t have a fake ID, and I’ve stopped going out at night. Plus, I didn’t have anyone to go with, so it seemed a little unsafe for a girl to go out by herself. I try to not isolate myself into the dorm. I study in the library or campus coffee shops, go to the gym and take long runs around campus. I smile and say hello to people when I walk to class and I try to be friendly to the people in my classes.
I’m a bit of a perfectionist and a planner, so not having friends is kind of throwing me for a loop. In my mind, I always thought I would go to college, meet my people, and then have the best four years of my life. We would go get brunch on Sundays after crazy Saturday nights and talk and laugh. We’d meet up in coffee shops and the library and just sit there and do homework together. We’d take little trips to go hiking or camping and we would visit over the summers. Maybe since it hasn’t happened that way, I’m just a little confused about what I’m doing wrong.
Do you have any advice on how to make friends? Or just meet people in general in school? I’m at a loss for what I could do next.