<p>So there's only about two more weeks in the semester and I haven't made any new friends at all. Sure, I've made acquaintances but not anyone I would consider a friend. The thing is, I'm pretty sure it's my own fault. Earlier in the year, I tried to be outgoing and put myself out there. I've talked to people and that's how I made my acquaintances. However, nothing has come out of it. So I've stopped trying and now I'm just lonely. I've joined clubs and met people but no one who I could spend time with outside of the club. I can truly say that I've given up.</p>
<p>However, my dilemma is that I'm stuck on how I want to feel. There are times when I want to be alone and I'm glad I don't have friends. However, there are times when I'm so depressed because everyone seems to be making friends while I'm here being lonely in my room. I know it is my fault though as I have my dorm door closed all the time and I decline to go eat out or do activities with my floormates. I have a reason behind this, though! Every time I go out, I always feel like the odd one out. My floormates all seem to click together so well and I'm just not part of it. Because of that, I've stopped trying and stopped going out. It also doesn't help that my roommate is a sophomore and we don't really click. We rarely talk to each other and I don't even feel like putting in the effort anymore. We just co-exist which I guess is better than arguing.</p>
<p>What can I do? I don't know whether I really want to be lonely or whether I want to try that hard to make friends. It's just really difficult and making my life more difficult than it has to be.</p>
<p>Don't blame yourself that'll only make things worse. Join Greek life if your school offers it. Go to more social events. It can be tough! Just be yourself and put yourself out there again. No one will know you're reaching out because you haven't met anyone else. I meet new people ALL the time. There is no cutoff to when friends stop being made.</p>
<p>You don't need to join Greek life. How about just ask your floormates if you could join them when they do go to eat. They probably thought not to bother to invite you since you look like you don't want to be bothered.</p>
<p>I'm in a pretty similar situation, aerials. I'd say I've made ~5 good friends at college thus far but I still feel sometimes like there's times where I want to be alone and do my own thing. I think I'm just a bit more introverted than most people. In your case, if that's what you enjoy doing I would say do it. All the advice I've seen has said that you can't force friend making to a certain point. Putting yourself out there is great and if you do that you'll eventually meet people you connect with but I still think it's also important to be able to be comfortable with yourself alone/doing your own thing. </p>
<p>I really think that if you just do what you like to do you'll meet people. It takes longer for some people (I should know, I'm one of them). Just learn to be comfortable with yourself and let everything happen.</p>
<p>yup i feel the same way you do aerials!! Its two weeks till the end of my quarter and all I have are acquaintances and no real friends. I see everyone else in the dorm clicking and hanging out/ going out but I have no one to do this with. It sucks and I always think about it. The thing is eating and making small talk with people doesn't translate into friendship. I talk to all kinds of people everyday but none of them have become friends. The way I'm thinking about it is that I'm going home after this quarter and I will think about it over christmas and come back winter quarter and hopefully things might change next quarter. But who knows... All I know is I can't take 4 years of this ****. Good luck to you I hope we can get through this... This has been literally the toughest and worst 2 and a half months of my life.</p>
<p>My son had a similar experience with his floormates freshman year so Sophomore year he moved to a different dorm....it wasn't until the second semester Sophomore year that he really began finding his group of friends. Sometimes it takes a while to connect with your type of person. There are lots of people that you are around in college but that doesn't mean you will like them all. Keep joining activities you enjoy to put yourself in contact with those who have the same interests as you. If by Sophomore year you haven't found some folks you enjoy hanging out with you may be at the wrong school and might consider transferring.</p>
<p>Thank you all for your replies!
I'm glad to hear that I'm not alone in this. I guess I'll just have to keep trying. Maybe, like cosa, I'll just wait til the next semester and see how it goes. I really like oddball's response as I shouldn't force myself to try too hard. Makes me feel a little bit better. :] I guess I'll just have to wait and see.</p>
<p>I find yourfire's link to the other post rather depressing. In that situation, the OP tried really hard but didn't get anywhere. I haven't tried as hard so it really makes me question whether effort is really enough. That's so sad. :[</p>
<p>I think the big question that comes to mind is: how do you turn acquaintances into friends? Like cosa mentioned, eating and small talk really aren't enough. Where does it start? Suggestions?</p>
<p>Hey OP don't get down, Im sure everybody has been in your situation at least once. The first thing you can ask yourself is, Why do you feel that your in an odd place? IF you think your somewhat socially awkward, maybe you should figure out why and try to fix it. One of the best ways to meet is people is joining a fraternity or sorority, they can also help you develop social skills (and much more). You sound like you're doing the right approach to things. One thing I can add. Ask people that you meet if they ever want to go do something, and maybe get their number before they become an acquaintance. </p>
<p>Oh and BTW, just because the people in your dorm don't click well with you doesn't mean your odd or anything. If thats the case then I'm odd as well, and I'm certainly not. </p>
<p>hi aerial
the best way to make acquaintances into friends is to DO things with them, better and more productive than talking. this is why ECs, sports and societies are so good for making friends. perhaps suggest joining a club together or playing a sport? actually, idk if you're sporty, but if you are consider intramurals as a friend-making thing. another thing to try would be joining/starting a study group w/ people from your class.
in general, the more you put yourself out there and do things with people the more likely it is you'll find ones you like.
good luck!</p>
<p>I think you just need to worrying and let things unfold organically. I think everyone has been in this predicament, but worrying makes you self-conscious. Self-consciousness is not exactly the skill set you need to be more social. Just be yourself, be patient, and let everything unfold. I promise you, that everything will be okay.</p>
<p>Show them your Wii! Seriously, do something with some people. Activism or academic competitions might help you. Math nerds, for example, can huddle over Putnam work, occasional discussions and filthy jokes. Find something to do. Try taking an extremely hard class next semester - the kind where the first day the room is crowded, and the instructor says "next time there will be empty seats." The survivors tend to "bond".</p>
<p>You say you don't know if you want to be lonely. It appears that you don't want to be lonely. But would you rather feel like an actor, just so they will like you? If you feel like there's a glass wall between you and the rest of them, or they have some secret language cues you don't pick up, then don't attempt to take on the whole group at once. They may move quickly to each other, rather than give you the time needed to learn them.</p>
<p>Maybe the groups are too large - did you tend to go for an intimate relationship with just one person in the past? If you did, now is probably not the time to change that. So try talking to just one person (be bold about this; approach the person with an admiring question).</p>
<p>You could get a job on campus, and working with other people might lead to some potential friendships. If things don't work out this year, there is always next year. Or try changing rooms after winter break for a different atmosphere.</p>
<p>I'm in the exact same predicament, you are certainly not alone! I also tried going to clubs to interact with other students and was very outgoing my first two months here but never made any friends. Unfortunately my dorm is super unsocial so we've never had any floor activities or anything like that so I really felt lonely. It may seem like a quick fix but I recommend transferring. I'm transferring next semester (as is my room-mate, my only friend here). Sometimes you just don't fit in with the people there. If the college is also not what you want there's no reason not to transfer. I guess I can't really recommend it until I begin attending my new college, but knowing I get to leave where I am now has made me hopeful and makes the loneliness seem more bearable. </p>
<p>I also wanted to say I don't think you should blame yourself (I try not to blame myself for the same situation) sometimes you try and it just doesn't work, you may find you just don't click with the people there and it's not your fault, it's just the way the cards fell.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Just make sure to yell surprise.
And theres always WoW.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>haha, idk id try to stay away from wow.</p>
<p>to op..im in same situation..no friends. i even had a good friend come from high school whom ive drifted away from. i guess it doesnt help that i dont go to class at all and stay in my dorm all day though...hopefully thins will be better next semester. gl</p>
<p>There was a guy who lived on my floor freshman year who matched your predicament...he didn't seem to have any friends, never opened his door, never said hi to anyone in the bathroom. We (the rest of the guys from my end of the hall) invited him to pregame with us a few times but he just kind of ignored us. Eventually he became a bit of an inside joke among the rest of us...others aren't exactly going to reach out to you if you make it appear that you have no interest in making friends.</p>
<p>As for alone time...I've always liked to have a place on campus where I can go for downtime that's not my room. My room has always been a let-yourself-in, sports always on TV, beer in the fridge kind of place, so privacy in the dorm is kind of non-existent.</p>
<p>I kind of felt like this first semester. I was around certain people a lot, but didn't consider them to be true "friends." I found second semester that I started to feel like I knew people better and eventually formed my own group of friends. It's hard to enter a new life for a couple months and put kids you've met at college on the same level as your high school friends who you've known for years. It just takes time. Just surround yourself with different people and it will work itself out.</p>
<p>QFT.
but on the subject, i realize that next semester(im a sophomore btw) my buddy that ive been best friends with since pre-school is moving off campus across town because he's having a kid, and i know that we wont get to chill that much anymore. there are a few guys on my floor that i used to chill with alot last semester and the beginning of this semester (we were all on the same floor the previous year), so i guess i'll just chill with them more. i realize that at some point this semester i became a total introvert, staying in my room and playing WoW(80 prot pally ftw).
i think i can attribute my lack of socialization to a few things:
1)my lack of a vehicle. it's really hard to hang out with people that live off campus, seeing as how i dont have that much time between my studies and WoW to go out.
2) the lame dorm building check-in system. anyone else have a dorm building like this? there are desk attendants manning the doors from like 7pm onward each night, and you have to sign guests in and out of your dorm building, even if they live on campus. it's really discouraging, as the whole process can sometimes be a hassle, and having to go check my buddies in and out really sucks.</p>