<p>Quote pri430:
"Also, although it may be tempting, DO NOT GET IN A RELATIONSHIP."</p>
<p>Why do you say that?
I haven't gone to college yet. Why do you think it's a bad idea?</p>
<p>you'd miss a lot of the "college experience" if you're in a relationship...</p>
<p>Diesel, by college experience, do you just mean getting wasted and hooking up with 3249 different people?</p>
<p>being in a relationship is an experience in itself.</p>
<p>i was thinking 3253, but you were close...</p>
<p>part of the "college experience" imo is making random decesions without having to check with anyone. we left to go on roadtrips at 3 in the morning for a few days, or when we go out during the week or whatever, and people in relationships more often that not wouldn't go for the sole reason they're in a relationship.</p>
<p>i guess it depends on what you want out of college. if you truely want to be in a relationship, do it.</p>
<p>hey, another Duke freshman here:</p>
<p>I was antisocial to a certain extent during highschool, especially during summer-school programs, so I was surprised to find myself making all sorts of friends during the first month or so. The problem with my social life was that I basically floated between a few different groups/networks of people (primarily in my dorm) and ended up stranding myself as some groups solidified into cliques (especially once basketball season started). I didn't find (and still haven't) very many people with interests and mindsets compatible enough for intelligent, meaningful conversation, and those that were became unaccountably distant.</p>
<p>That said, I think transferring because of a ****ty social life is a mistake unless that's the extent of your college goals. Think about what sorts of experiences you're looking for - I try to divide my time between coursework, doing things with people, and introverted things like reading, watching movies from Lilly, etc., for example. From what you've said, you might not mesh well with the more rabidly social members of our class, so don't feel like you have to go to parties or join a SLG. Writing for the Chronicle is a great suggestion as long as you're not just doing it because you didn't have any other ideas; it's really helped me get a better feel for the campus (not to mention improved people skills). Take a small class or two next semester and bond with the kids in it, join an IM team, go to fora or discussions on topics that interest you, spend some time at the Coffeehouse. Use the same energy you've put into your academic work and apply it outside the classroom - Duke has so many opportunities that are overlooked. As flawed as the freshman social scene is, it's not impossible to find value in it. Good luck.</p>
<p>I go to Duke. I'll be your friend.</p>
<p>I'm a senior at a nearby school, and I either met most of my really good friends or really got to know them after my freshman year. I still know most of the people I was friends with freshman year, but almost none of them are among my closest friends. I don't think that peoples' situations socially really solidify until at least sophomore year. After the first year, when people start to feel more comfortable and able to be themselves, is when friendships really form, at least in my experience.</p>
<p>don't transfer! honestly, i find that no matter what school i go to (i moved about 3x during my hs career) i always have the same social life/hang out with the same social group... it's just naturally what i gravitate to. so if you're thinking of transferring because u don't think u can make friends, it's probably you, not the school.</p>
<p>that being said, just kind of do your own thing and more likely than not, you'll meet a group of friends? my lab partner and i became really good friends toward the end of the semester, and we're almost like best friends now. so i guess be patient, smile to people, initiate conversations, etc.</p>
<p>also, i find going to dinner alone helps in making new friends. when you're looking for a place to sit, find someone you know (but not necessarily well) and sit with them. it's great to chat with them more and build a new/stronger friendship</p>
<p>I totally feel for you, I felt this way my first few weeks as well, but it gets better (I had two threads just like this posted when I was so depressed it hurt). Are you normally shy and awkward back home or in HS? I know I was to a certian degree (I was a bit shy, but I had my friends and I didnt complain about being relatively unknown).</p>
<p>College taught me to ignore those insecurities and just go with it. I don't feel loved or worshipped by my firneds at college, but they accept me and thats cool...we have 4 whole years.</p>
<p>Now I'm more depressed that I'm home for break and realized that I should've been more assertive in high school. My breaks are incredibly boring and lonely as I have only two or three true friends that hang out with me. </p>
<p>About guidance...it depends on your school. I did go to guidance and it sucks at my school...the counselor was a grad student that was trying to get her degree (and taped all her sessions so a board could review her))and basically we the students were her ticket to success. I would've preferred an actual counselor. Just know u might be wasting ur time.</p>
<p>I also thought alcohol and pot would help me be more social...it sorta does, but no one remembers shYt about the people they meet when hammered. I enjoy it, but it wont really help u in ur situation.</p>
<p>Go to parties and meet people.</p>
<p>You meet a lot of people at parties, but it's really unlikely that you're going to make an actual friend at one. At Duke I've met all my best friends in my classes, clubs/sports/teams, and in special programs (pre-orientation, Focus). A lot of people n dorm are really good friends, though I mostly socialize outside of mine. Greek life is a good resource too--there are a lot of different frats and sororities that aren't necessarily for the traditional "types." Basically, you should get involved and put yourself out there to find and build friendships. It won't just happen to you, but if you make an effort, friends are everywhere. I liked the suggestion of going to eat by yourself. This way you're forced to find someone to sit with: someone new or someone you are barely acquainted with. Sometimes it's awkward at first, and it might not work out, but it's worth a try. Start now. People are still meeting each other and making new friends, but as time passes friend groups will only get more solidified. So give it a try after break. There's thousands of people here to get to know, so if a friendship doesn't materialize with someone, you can afford to just pack up and move on to the next person without thinking or worrying too much.</p>
<p>Sorry I haven't posted for awhile, but I just wanted to say thanks for all the advice and reply to some of the posts.</p>
<p>"Do you normally make friends easily?"
Not really. I only had a couple people that I would actually say are friends (the rest I would consider acquaintances) in high school because I'm not really the best conversationalist. I also get the feeling sometimes that I'm annoying when I talk, but I'm not sure.</p>
<p>Regarding partying: I don't drink so that isn't really my type of thing.</p>
<p>"Also, although it may be tempting, DO NOT GET IN A RELATIONSHIP."
Haha...guys aren't particularly interested in me so that's not an issue for me at this point. Oh well.</p>
<p>"so if you're thinking of transferring because u don't think u can make friends, it's probably you, not the school."
I agree that it isn't the school. I just thought it might be better to go to a public where some of my high school friends go.</p>
<p>Over the break I've learned that some of my friends haven't been adjusting that well to college either, so I do feel a little better (not in a schadenfreude type of way, but like I'm not so odd). I'm definitely going to try to join more stuff after the break. Also, I'm going to sleep more because I think only getting four hours of sleep a day was making me feel kind of low. </p>
<p>Thanks and sorry for rambling.</p>
<p>I felt nearly exactly like you describe yourself, after my first semester at college too, and I just wanted to let you know that it DOES get better, but you have to let it. I personally feel that there are people out there for almost everyone (99.5% of people are not so annoying that no one will like them). </p>
<p>One thing I did do is branch out of my comfort zone. An acquaintance from class invited me to go to swing dance lessons and I thought, "Oh my god I am going to suck so bad at this, I have two left feet, there's no way I'm going to like it" blah blah etc. But, I went anyway, and I found out that it was actually ALOT of fun, and I've been doing it for almost two years now. Not to say that you should do exactly what I did, but find something to branch out with, even if you don't think you'll enjoy it. Something completely off the wall, out there, whatever. Painting even if you think you can't draw, or yoga club even if you can barely sit still for a minute, whatever. </p>
<p>PS you can go to parties without drinking. You can also drink without being an alkie. </p>
<p>Also, it seems to me like you are kind of low on self-esteem from your statement about boys. Trust me, even if you never had a boyfriend in high school (like me), there is someone out there for you. Just because you may not look like Scarlett Johanssen or Keira Knightley doesn't mean you're unattractive or undesirable. I used to feel the same way. It just takes being more confident in yourself and someone will eventually notice you for you. It takes a little while, but it will happen. </p>
<p>I hope your spring semester turns out well. (that is when it turned around for me)</p>
<p>and please get enough sleep...you can become depressed through lack of adequate or regular sleep.</p>
<p>Do something about it. Get out of your Dorm and go to a party and just talk to random people. Things will improve.</p>
<p>Buy a Xbox 360 and play Halo like mad. Guarantee you will find friends. </p>
<p>lol.</p>
<p>I actually have made friends through Halo 3 matches/tournaments. Mostly drunken sausage fests, but friendship nonetheless, lol.</p>
<p>Do any of the service clubs appeal to you at all? These are the easiest clubs to join because if you show up, the members are genuinely glad to have you there. The more people they have, the more work they can accomplish, whether it is building a house for Habitat or feeding the hungry.</p>
<p>Community</a> Service Center :: Students Home :: Programs/Services :: Student Service Clubs</p>
<p>This type of groups' members will welcome you.</p>
<p>Also, if you can, try to have a positive outlook. Stand up straight and have a pleasant or at least a neutral expression on your face. Look out at people and the world around you. If you do this, you will actually feel better.
(If your posture looks like you are miserable and you walk around looking at the ground, people are not going to be as likely to want to get to know you.)</p>