heartbroken mom

<p>The link to Bill's thread "Unsure Appointee: Parents Please" is [thread=37263]here[/thread]</p>

<p>its really interesting to see how many parents of prospective and appointed candidates are posting in these forums...it almost seems that the parents care more about the service academies than their kids do</p>

<p>dang, thats exactly what i have been saying since like October when i joined this forum! It seems like the parents are appyling to the service academies rather then the candidates.</p>

<p>USMMA and AT,</p>

<p>There have already been a lot of discussions about parents posting on these threads. All the comments are in other threads and you can easily find them. These are supportive and inquisitive parents looking to find and share information - and getting to know each other's stories while we get to know some of the candidates.</p>

<p>Having a child apply/attend one of the service academies is an effort that seems to take the entire family's support most of the time. The catty remarks about parents applying rather than the children are silly in light of the seriousness of the decision that the young men and women are making. Am I involved in my children's education? You bet. Is it their decision on where they attend? Of course. I have a whole closet full of Purdue apparel (since I thought DD was going to go there until a last minute change to NAPS). There is controlling and being supportive. Two very different things.
NAPS05mom</p>

<p>Sigh. Here we go again.</p>

<p>I don't suppose, USMMA2009 and Admiral Thomas, that you have anything constructive to offer the OP?</p>

<p>If not, perhaps you could start a separate thread about too much parental participation on this forum. That would allow you to express your concern (misplaced as I believe it to be; see my other posts on the subject).</p>

<p>I agree with Napsmom and Kate. Let's stick with the original subject of this thread, which is a serious enough issue and one that I have not seen discussed - at least during this recruiting cycle. Doglover and her family are dealing with one of those life decision points that we all face at some time or another.</p>

<p>"What do you think we should do? Despite our reservations about the academy, we really do feel like it is the right place for him."</p>

<p>Here's the answer:</p>

<p>Son: "Yeah, the whole Midshipman falling out the window thing has made me pause and reconsider whether USNA is really for me."</p>

<p>Doglover(s): "Gasp!"</p>

<p>Son: "Oh, and I think I won't be able to hang academically, either. Therefore, I don't think I want to go to the Academy."</p>

<p>Doglover(s): "Well son, we respect your opinion. We really do. We feel like you're making the wrong decision, and that your reasons aren't very well thought out. Nevertheless, it is your life."</p>

<p>Son: "Gee mom and dad, you guys are the greatest. So, I guess I'll be going to State U. on your nickel now. Man, I can't wait . . . the parties, the babes . . . civilian college is going to rock."</p>

<p>Doglover(s): "Sorry son. If you turn down a chance a free school, we're not going be able to help you out. Your college money is already earmarked for the addition on the house and our trip to Europe . . . You'll just have to work at Burger King to make ends meet at State U. Don't worry though, at least the academics will be easy and you won't have to worry about falling out a window."</p>

<p>Son: "Uh, well, uh . . . maybe USNA won't be so bad after all. I guess if I'm REALLY terrified of falling out a window, I can always transfer out before my Junior year . . . and I will have gotten two free years of school. </p>

<p>Doglover(s): "Hmmm, good thinking. Then, if you REALLY don't like it, I guess we can scrap up a few dollars to help you make ends meet at State U." </p>

<p>Son: "You're the greatest parents in the world!"</p>

<p>Doglover(s): "Thanks son! (And thank you DeepThroat!)"</p>

<p>DeepThroat</p>

<p>Your post made me laugh. Really did have some good points. One thing, though is I don't think I would pull the money card yet if I were Doglover. I guess I'd be in more of a stealth mode on that one. LOL I think that all the plebes at one time or another question what the heck they are doing: some before I-Day, some during it. The parents can listen and try to redirect their son to the path HE has wanted for so long. But, in the end, if his heart isn't into it, it would be almost cruel to yank the money away as a last ditch attempt to make him "see the light". Of course, those student loans are a pain to pay back as well as that part time job he may need to help contribute to the costs. LOL<br>
NAPS05mom
P.S. This "free" year at NAPS has cost me probably about the same (if not a little more) than DD attending Purdue and me just paying room and board. Visiting Newport has been VERY expensive!!! LOL</p>

<p>I would really resent my parents if they were to swing the money purse over my head... but that's just me.
I suspect the death of a midshipman was more of a catalyst for your son's doubts to unfold, because surely he knows that accidental deaths can occur at any college. Maybe the workload scares him, maybe the lifestyle scares him, or maybe the committment scares him. One way you could suggest he get his thoughts in order is to just write down everything that comes to his head for about 15 minutes. Have him re-read it an hour or so later, and things will probably seem a lot clearer to him. Just because he may have doubts about his abilities, doesn't mean he shouldn't go to usna. Obviously the admissions board thinks he can succeed there. The only reason he shouldn't go is if he decides he just doesn't want to go.</p>

<p>ROFLMAO!! </p>

<p>I doubt that last senario is true to life and I am sure you are about to get flamed big time. It was very sarcastic and on the verge of being rude. BUT it was hillarious! (Thanks for the laugh DeepThroat)</p>

<p>It feels like when you laugh at someone when they fall out of a chair. You know its going to hurt, but its still funny. I appologize in advance DogLover. Seriously I know this isn't funny to you.</p>

<p>Thanks to (almost all of you) for your sympathy, advice and counsel both on this page and privately. We have been able to have a few brief conversations with our son about his decision but mostly he has been seeking the advice of others. Fortunately he has a lot of time to consider what is best for him. Money is not really an issue as we had always assumed we would be paying for college for him and have saved accordingly. He has been speaking with his Young Life leader and his youth pastor and plans to talk with the Blue and Gold officer. I hope we can convince him to take a trip to the Academy and talk with some mids. In the interim he will turn in an application to a civilian college as recommended and finish out his senior year. Thanks again.</p>

<p>One more thing to think about. You need to get him to talk to a respected adult (guidance counselor, scout leader, pastor, youth leader) about what is really bothering him. Sounds to me like he is afraid of the unknown, a natural response, but one with greater implications considering his new environment. Tell him that if he really can't hack the stress and the academics at the academy, then he can separate from the academy.
He will always regret having come this far, and then turning down an opportunity because of the unknown. You should tell him to experience the year. Live the life, and then decide whether or not he can hack it. He needs to know that there is extreme stress in all walks of life; businessmen who face deadlines and goals missed as well as students in ordinary colleges balancing academics, finances, girlfriends and personal dilemmas.</p>

<p>Unfortunately accidents happen, oftentimes to good people. My dorm-mate was in a car accident and suffered a spinal chord injury (and the resulting paralysis) returning to campus. College students die from accidents and illnesses each year. Some from hazing accidents or stupidity. These incidents are rarely reported in the paper. </p>

<p>See if you can convince him to go for the year, and make his decision with full knowledge of what the Academy really is rather than through the eyes and voices of others.</p>

<p>If you can make it to Herndon, he would see the comraderie of the class and understand the support network that is there for the mids.
My heart and prayers go out to the midshipman's family. </p>

<p>Good Luck with the decision-making.</p>

<p>PS: DT I loved your tongue-in cheek (maybe) message.
CM.</p>

<p>well, lets just hope the deceased mid's mom doesn't have an internet connection, because i'm not sure she'd share in our . someone once told me to be careful what i said on here because i don't know who my audience is. the comment i made to warrant said reaction was a generalized off hand statement about my service in the Marine corps and the war in iraq as a whole. making fun of a single, now dead, person is a step or two higher. i make light of war due to its lingering innevitability, and because i myself serve in the war on terrorism. however, i don't think that mocking the situation of a single service members death is needed, especially by soon-to-be and current midshipmen. i'm sure i will receive a barrage of hate mail for this post, but i'm ready to hear what you have to say.</p>

<p>stay free,</p>

<p>Marine</p>

<p>Sure we can stay on topic....but it would be nice to hear what your children say once in awhile. But i respect all parents on this forum.</p>

<p>I also agree that it would be best not to play the money card. If he goes because you did that, he is going to resent the hell out of you when he is at the academy.<br>
I think you basically just need to be there to talk with him. Don't try to push him too hard. If it's not 100% his decision to go there he's going to hate you for it later.</p>

<p>Doglover,
I would imagine that all of the candidates preparing for I-day experience a mixture of emotions ranging from excitement to apprehension. It is a major commitment filled with unique challenges and rewards for those who successfully meet the challenges. Perhaps it’s a little easier for candidates coming from the fleet, NAPS, college, or high school students who are somewhat independent and/or have already spent time away from home. </p>

<p>The essential question is: DOES YOUR SON WANT TO BE A NAVAL OFFICER?</p>

<p>Megs up above has hit it on the head. To anyone who's lived with the constant debate of going to this military institution they've wanted so long vs. the alternatives probably knows what I'm talking about. It's the "do I want to take 4 years of hell...or enjoy my life in college" choice that weighs down on them constantly. From personal experiance, I would be 99 percent sure that your sons been highly doubting his desires to go, and has finally found a form he's been comfortable in conveying it to you with. Let him think through it, and if that's his choice...good for him. It's an amazingly hard decision for any high-schooler to make.</p>

<p>"I also agree that it would be best not to play the money card. If he goes because you did that, he is going to resent the hell out of you when he is at the academy."</p>

<p>Until he realizes that his parents were right all along.</p>

<p>DeepThroat</p>

<p>"well, lets just hope the deceased mid's mom doesn't have an internet connection, because i'm not sure she'd share in our ."</p>

<p>What are you talking about?</p>

<p>DeepThroat</p>