<p>In many cases, it’s not a question of an over-controlling parent, it’s a matter of knowing your own child’s comfort-level, and helping her develop new skills and abilities at her own pace.</p>
<p>Kids have strengths/interests/abilities in different areas. The same kid who’d be terrified at the thought of flying cross-country alone can perform a solo aria in French in front of a roomful of adult judges with aplomb that most adults can’t muster.</p>
<p>My kids have both noticed that I treat them differently. D’10 says, “Why won’t you let me do such-and-such? You let S do it!” Well, he’s older than you, and he’s a boy. The rules are different for boys and girls. They just are. Deal with it.</p>
<p>S’07 says, “How come you say you don’t trust our old car to drive D to her college, but it’s good enough for me to drive back to mine?” Because her college is 3 times as far away as yours, and she’ll have twice as much stuff as you, and the image of my 5’5", 115 lb, blonde, 18 year old trusting D standing beside the road is a heck of a lot scarier to me than my 6’, 200+ lb, 21 year old cynical S standing beside the road. And when I asked him which image would keep me up at night, he just nodded that he agreed I was right.</p>
<p>It was hard to let S go to Europe for a semester alone. It would be harder to let D go alone. In fact, I don’t think I’ll let her go unless she’s with a group, or at least with another friend. </p>
<p>I’m glad my S is older. He can tell his sister the safety guidelines and she’ll listen to him. But if <em>I</em> said, “When you go to a party, don’t drink from the punchbowl and keep your drink IN YOUR HAND at all times. Don’t leave a party with someone you just met. Sleep with your dorm room door locked… etc” she’d just roll her eyes at me and sigh.</p>
<p>It’s funny, my daughter is the adventurous one.</p>
<p>So is mine, that’s why I worry about her more. Her brother is more cautious, less likely to do something that “seemed like a good idea at the time…”</p>
<p>I had no choice about when I was going to learn to be independent. My parents were stationed in Africa and I learned to fly out alone at 15, including changing planes. I had my share of adventures which I am sure they are very glad they never heard about!</p>
<p>My older son learned to take the train into Manhattan and the bus to Columbia the summer after his sophomore year. My younger son learned during his sophomore year because groups of his friends in AP World history would go into town to use the New York Public Library. Both are pretty comfortable with getting around now.</p>
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<p>Same here. I did a lot of research for my son. Originally it was aimed toward just finding the best route to scholarships. As I read more of the CC parent insights, it really became a quest for the best combo of fit/finances. My son spent a lot of time on academics, EC, and college apps. I enjoyed helping on the research angle.</p>