<p>I have been hearing more and more about helicopter parents lately, and I wanted to share with you an interesting blog post that I found. It categorized the different levels of "hovering" parents and is definitely an informative (and funny) read. </p>
<p>I cannot believe that parents are hacking into their children's facebook accounts! Where do you fit in? </p>
<p>Yay - I'm a traffic Helicopter. I am so proud of me.</p>
<p>How about the one who put a nannycam in their kid's dorm room :eek:</p>
<p>Swimcatsmom- I could not believe that one, either! How is the kid supposed to develop independence if his parents are watching his every move? </p>
<p>I am hoping that 20 years from now kids aren't wandering around campus with a GPS device installed in their brains...I guess they should enjoy whatever independence they still have.</p>
<p>However, I also started thinking- is this necessarily a bad thing? Isn't there a healthy balance where parents can be involved without confining the student and compromising their college experience and the independence that comes out of it? I think that the increased parental involvement is very admirable...as long as the parents remember what it feels like to be in college and allow their kids to learn from challenges with a healthy level of guidance (i.e. if a student receives a poor grade, dont call the professor right away...let the child meet with the professor).</p>
<p>It is also interesting to note how the current generation of Millenials is comprised of baby boomer's children, the parents who want everything in the world for their children. Are today's youth going to grow up to be idealized, dependent adults? Or, can a child of a helicopter parent still develop these essential skills as they naturally mature? </p>
<p>Sorry for all of the questions, but this is something that I find really intriguing!</p>
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How is the kid supposed to develop independence if his parents are watching his every move?
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<p>I certainly don't want to see my kids every move. Especially in their bedrooms. I don't think I need to elaborate any further.</p>
<p>^^What happens in college, stays in college?</p>
<p>I am a traffic helicopter. I am pretty proud of myself, actually! I am darn good at being a sounding board rather than a fountain of advice. D is learning to advocate for herself, which is a big step toward independence. I think the measure of my success as the parent of an adult is seeing my kids learn to be responsible for their own health & happiness.</p>
<p>I do confess, though, to making her appointments (doctor, dentist, hairdresser) for her when she's home. However, she will eventually have to do these things herself, and I am confident she'll do it when she has no choice.</p>
<p>If my parents had ever thought of putting a nanny cam in my dorm room (not that they existed back then!), I'd probably have been a very bad girl on purpose! :) Geez, people. Let your kid grow up.</p>
<p>I would think it is actually illegal to put a nanny cam in a dorm room. Wonder if there was a room mate.</p>
<p>I hadn't thought of that! I was thinking about it in terms of my own dorm experience, and I had a single. I would HOPE there was no roommate!! If there was, that's a lawsuit waiting to happen.</p>
<p>Can you believe they pulled the kid out of school for driving to another town? Why did they let him take a car if they didn't trust him to use it according to their rules? Sounds like they were looking for a reason to deny him the opportunity to grow up.</p>
<p>Holy cow! A dormcam? What's next, electrodes in their brains and a remote control???
I'm a traffic chopper which flies an occasional rescue mission. If D does not call, all is good. If she calls, I get an immediate adrenaline spike: what happened? Because usually it means she needs help with something like this:</p>
<p>"Mom, I'm filling out this form. What is an HMO?".
"WHAT HAPPENED?"
"I need this form for team sports"
"Phew... OK, an HMO is... But you do not have to worry about it, since you have a PPO".
"What's a PPO?"</p>
<p>Traffic Helicopter...as a Mom of 3 sons, I couldn't even imagine being anything else. My sons do their own laundry, manage their own checkbooks and credit card accounts, navigate their way through airports alone...etc., etc. and they are 24, 19 and 17 and have been doing many of these things since they became teenagers at 13. I feel very sad for those kids out there that don't know what it is like in the "real world". Let's just hope for a turnaround with all of this publicity about "helicoper parents"!!</p>
<p>Traffic 'Copter here too. But isn't that how it should be? How can we be expected to be conscientious, concerned, involved parents for 18 years when our kids live at home, and then just because they have reached the age when they can go off on their own, how can we abdicate all parental involvement and responsibility? Is it assumed that we will dump them in the ocean and say, so long, Charlie, you're on your own now? That seems more irresponsible, no? It is all part of the process. I think Traffic is the best way to go, and then back off slowly as they continue to grow and change.</p>
<p>My 21 yo is home for a semester doing an internship with a local firm. He also has a part-time job, so I don't see him at all during the week. (I'm out of the house by 6, he's in at midnight and up around 8-9)</p>
<p>He had had some abnormal test results from a routine Dr. visit a few months ago. At the time, I helped coordinate the specialist visits (he was away at school and had to come home to see the specialist). </p>
<p>Yesterday I learned AFTER the fact that he had gone to the Dr. on Wed., had some more tests done, and that there were some abnormal results and he's going back next week. He's handling it! On his own. Wow.</p>
<p>It's a little bittersweet, and I'm concerned about the health issue. I've always been the medical person around here, and I always got all the details, options, etc., etc. Now I guess he's handling it, and I get the info he shares. Wow. This is an example of be careful what you wish for, I guess...</p>
<p>:-)</p>
<p>P.S. He's still on our insurance, so we're not entirely out of the picture yet!</p>
<p>My 18 yr old is sort of stuck between wanting to manage her own doctors appointments while making sure I take care of the details. She really wants to be independent, but isn't 100% there...has no idea the difference between a PPO and HMO and why her prescription wasn't ready when she left doc's and arrived at the pharmacy ten minutes later !!</p>
<p>Yes, admittedly, I am probably a traffic and Rescue parent and proud of it.</p>
<p>Who would admit that they are a blackhawk helicopter or toxic parent? I don't think the toxic parents realize that they are toxic. As for the blackhawk type, maybe some of these are in a bad mode due to the prior school experience they had. In some secondary schools, short of the principal or head of school, it is impossible to get anyone to pay attention.</p>
<p>I remember a number of years back, a family member's child needed to work out some detail regarding a stay abroad, and I was shocked to find that the parents were calling the college to arrange this. Back in my day, other than my phone number on campus, I doubt my own parents had a phone number for the college.</p>
<p>At some point, it will be time for all those blackhawks to stand down.</p>
<p>Traffic & Rescue here. Actually, a little less rescue with the college kid. I told him last summer that I had the credit card in my hand, if he wanted clothes he'd better come to the mall with me and his sister now. Because if he realized in October while at college that he needed another pair of jeans, it would be his problem to find a store and to find the money to pay for them. </p>
<p>I think a lot of CC parents are also Consumer Advocate 'copters. Not necessarily a bad thing in moderation, but not always realistic.</p>
<p>D needed NO hovering. She did her work, made her decisions, resented anything beyond the normal level of parental involvement. </p>
<p>Younger S REQUIRES hovering by the thousands: an entire squadron that includes his mom, his dad, his teachers, his coach, his school counselors all need to keep an eye on this charming but flaky and often unmotivated kid. The more helicopters the better in his case :/</p>
<p>Dickinson College has a great helicopter parent quiz on their website. Basically all the answers come down to 'let your kid handle it'. But it's well written and fun to take. The link is Dickinson</a> College - Helicopter Parents</p>
<p>Jude, Dickinson gave me a "you're doing well." Then I went to the College Board link that Dickinson gave me. After answering the questions, I thought it was going to cream me for hovering - but it gave me a "stay the course." Then I realized the College Board quiz is designed not only to determine if parents are over-involved, but also to see if they are under-involved.</p>
<p>I tend to hover over my D more than her older brother. I keep telling myself that's because she's younger, and I hovered over him more at this age as well. But I'm not sure that's true... he's always just been more independent. Gotta watch myself that I don't treat D like she's incompetent, and give her some chances to rise to the occasion!</p>
<p>Traffic copter here, and sometimes Rescue, as it says, in a crisis. Heck, in a crisis, I'd appreciate a Rescue Copter, too!</p>