<p>I go to a top 15 university, that is around 19 hours away from my home state. Freshman year, I lived in a dorm and I was able to make 5 really close friends who lived on my floor. We would do everything together, from eating, going into the city, hanging out in our dorm rooms. Since I had a couple of really close friends, I didn't feel a need to join clubs and really reach out to other people. </p>
<p>Sophomore year came around, and most of my close friends went to live in other buildings--a few even went off campus-- so I barely see them. Now I realize that I have no friends, because I didn't meet very many people freshman year. How do I find a close group of friends to hang out with? Is my situation common or am I just screwed? I have been on campus for 2 days, and the only person I talked to is my new roommate. My new floor seems to avoid me, because most of the kids on my new floor know each other from last year. I really need your help, I don't want to spend sophomore year alone and depressed. If I do become depressed because of my lack of friends, my grades will suffer. I can't allow my grades to suffer because tuition at my school is so expensive. </p>
<p>The reason not having any friends anymore is bothering me is because I live 19 hours away from home. If I lived near home, my parents and relatives would have been a support system. Living out-of-state I no longer have any support system.</p>
<p>I am also having trouble finding clubs to join. I tried a couple of organizations, but I didn't really like them. Most of the kids at my school become friends by meeting people at parties. I don't party, because I don't drink, so my social life is completely screwed.</p>
<p>Your social life isn’t completely screwed. That’s cool that you don’t party and drink. And don’t feel bad that you don’t do either (and don’t let anyone make you feel guilty – I say this because I expect some posters to comment on that on this thread soon -_-)</p>
<p>But, you can’t find even one club to join? How about a club or intramural sport? Something! If not, how about a job on campus?</p>
<p>If not, then maybe you need to transfer to be closer to home =</p>
<p>Freshman year I made friends with the kids on my floor. My floor freshman year was open to making new friends, because we were freshman and no one knew anyone. This year, my new floor already knows everyone from last year. I have a couple of clubs in mind that I can join, but they only have meetings like twice a semester. You can’t make friends if you only see them twice a semester.</p>
<p>^ I guess I can try these out. I am going to try and meet a couple of people on my floor, we have a couple of hall events planned. I just get really worried when I think about the prospect of spending sophomore year all alone and without friends.</p>
<p>^You sound like me last year. I didn’t have any great friends for the first half of my freshman year. The trick is to just keep being open and meeting new people. I met one of my best friends last year going to a housing info session/ice cream social. It was for people looking for roommates for the next year. There were two guys there looking for roommates and one of them now turned out to be one of my best friends. At first, it seemed kind of like a dumb and random thing to go to since I didn’t expect anybody to show up to it, but I got a best friend out of it. I make some other really great friends when I joined the pepband. At first, it didn’t seem like there were any people in there who would be my friends but once I started talking to people, I made some great friends. I’m totally not an anti-social person and you don’t sound like you are either, but I don’t drink as well so it took the “finding friends at a party” aspect out of it since I just wouldn’t go to parties. So just keep being and open person and meeting new people because you’ll never know when you’ll meet your best friends.</p>
<p>Why can’t you still be friends with the 5 people? If it’s just because they live in different buildings, that is just silly. No, it’s not as easy because they don’t live on your floor, but if they are close friends, it’s worth going a little out of your way to stay in touch.</p>
<p>^I hang out with them once a week, but other than that, the rest of the week its boring and depressing because I don’t know anyone else. And since I see them like once a week, I am sure they will move on, make new friends, and I will probably see them only like once every 2-3 weeks.</p>
<p>Be outgoing and confident, and don’t worry about anyone criticizing you. TRUST me on this. I used to be one of the shiest ducks out there. Now, I’m much different. When you’re confident and naturally outgoing, no one is going to mess with you. They’ll only mess with you when they see you’re weak. CAUTION though, don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. I see people like this all the time and it’s extremely embarrassing to watch. It’s all in your head buddy. You can figure it out.</p>
<p>I had to start over sophomore year, too (for other reasons), and what helped me was activities/campus jobs that were in some way up my alley (e.g. I became an ITA because I enjoyed computers, and went to clubs that involved language/foreign culture/etc). This way I was able to meet people with likeminded interests, and I was able to meet new people and make friends that I still talk to even after graduation. </p>
<p>The worst thing you can do is sit in your room and sulk or wait around for your other 5 friends. Strike out and just talk to people. Don’t even do it with the intention of necessarily making friends – just be friendly and meet everyone that you can and it’ll happen naturally. Hang out in public places like lounges, etc. Just because certain friend groups have formed in your hall doesn’t mean it’ll stay that way… people are constantly making new friends.</p>
<p>Just don’t let it get you down. Whenever you hear about some activity your dorm may be hosting, go to it if you have nothing else to do! Another thing I realized is that I rarely invited anyone to do things (a bad habit of mine). I always waited around for others to invite me. One helpful thing is to take initiative and invite people to go have lunch/dinner. I remember one early sophomore night of mine I was in a public lounge talking with a bunch of people I had just met, and as night came, I said I was hungry and was going to go check out the new restaurant downstairs, asking if they wanted to tag along. Made a lot of good friends that way. :)</p>
<p>I mean, if a simple thing like distance can break apart a friendship that you considered tight, then obviously it wasn’t as close. Real friends would do anything to be with each other. </p>
<p>I really think you are jumping to too many conclusions way to fast. 2 days? Come on. Everyone is still moving in. Some people are finishing up last minute scheduling. Others are spending their last few days with their family before school picks up. Chill out - you will be fine.</p>
<p>Join a club, talk to those random people in your floor, and recontact your 5 friends. I think you will find that you were just being over anxious about being back in college.</p>
<p>^ Its been 4 days since I have been here, 3 days since classes have started, and more of the same thing. I tried meeting some kids on my floor, but since they all know each other from last year–all the kids lived on the same floor last year, and they requested the same rooms again—its hard for me to get to know anyone. I guess I can go to a hall program this weekend and see how it goes.</p>
<p>There is also something you guys should know about me. I really, really, really care about my grades. Part of the reason why I didn’t really meet people outside of my floor freshman year is because I spent a lot of time in the library, trying to achieve good grades.</p>
<p>So I went to a hall event today, and only 4/20 kids (including me and the RA) on my floor showed up. Everyone on my floor has their own little groups, and don’t really want to hang out.</p>
<p>I am feeling this overwhelming lonely feeling that I am going to be a loser with only 2 friends for the rest of college. I am already making plans to study abroad and maybe even graduate early because I am really nervous about being known as a loser throughout college.</p>
<p>More of the same thing…(11 days since I have been on campus)I talk to a couple of kids on my floor but its just “Hey are you are”, I just miss having a solid group of friends that I can hang out with. I don’t know how I will make it a whole year. I am also considering transferring out.</p>
<p>As a sophomore, you probably know other kids in your major? Do you ever make plans to study with kids in your classes? Maybe you can build friendships with your peers in your major.</p>
<p>Can you sign up for an intramural team? </p>
<p>Let your RA know that you could use some help meeting people. Maybe he knows some other people who are in the same predicament as you.</p>
<p>Friendships begin with communication. Talk with the people in your classes. Ask the kid next to you if he or she would like to join you to get somewhere to eat or drink after class.
You have to reach out to people in order to get the ball rolling. Start going to the fitness center to work out. Join a fitness class there. </p>
<p>Why didn’t you make plans last Spring to live with your friend? Have you considered checking with housing to see if you can transfer into the dorm where your friends are living? </p>
<p>You might want to talk to someone in the counseling center about your difficult transition.</p>
<p>My very best friends all live in different parts of the country and we still manage to get together at least once a year. Just because they live across or even off campus doesn’t mean you can’t still be friends.</p>