<p>Assignment: Do you think people are capable of finding happiness or are they always searching for something beyond what they already have?</p>
<p>How would you define happines? Happiness can mean many different things to many different people. Reading makes me happy, but my brother loathes it. He's happy when he plays his guiter. But neither of us limit ourselves to that one book, or that one sheet of music. In the same way, people are always on the lookout for something more, but this does not mean they are never happy.
A scene from The Peaceful Warrior can clearly illustrate my point. Dan, a college student, is climbing a hill with his philosophical mentor, an old man he calls Socrates. He has promised to show Dan something special on top of that hill, and Dan is extremely excited. At the end of the long, ardous trek, he asks if it was the view that Socrates had spoken about. The old man says no, it was the rok at his foot, Dan is hysterical with anger, and the old man quietly apologizes for causing dissappointment, saying that he had no idea what they would find either. Realization dawns on Dan, and he says, "The journey is what brings us happiness, not the destination."
As a child, I was always fascianted by the dances I would see on TV. After much persuation, I convinced my parents to enroll me into a free-style dance course. I thoroughly enjoyed those three hours every week, and never regretted my decision. But after some time, when I couldn't learn anymore there, I moved on to Bharatnatyam classes, an Indian classical dance form. My earlier classes were immensely enjoyable, and they gave me courage to try on a new activity, which has made me happier.
One cannot separate the pursuit of happiness from happiness itself. The sense of accomplishment for a completed work of art is fleeting; it is working on that peice that brings joy to the artist.</p>
<p>Please grade my essay. Comments/advice would be appreciated :)</p>
<p>Also, I would like to know if it’s too small… I can’t write more without writing faster, which makes my handwriting illegible.</p>
<p>How many pages did it fill?</p>
<p>One side, and about a third of the next.</p>
<p>You need to understand how the SAT essays are graded. Just think about it, there are hundreds upon thousands of essays for graders to grade and only so little time to do it. A LA Times reporter worked as a grader for a day, and she said that they will literally read your essay for 2 minutes at most. That being said, you’ve gotta start off well. Very often, your grade is determined in the first few sentences, so make them count. Your essay doesn’t have to be philosophical, in fact, the more insightful, the less likely the grader will understand and the lower your grade. In short, keep it simple-stupid. The questions are very biased to begin with, so just cater to their beck and call</p>
<p>I have helped students to score 10-12 on the real SAT, so please consider below comments.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>First example is strong while second one isn’t. I’m not saying this because second example is personal while the first one is literary. The discussion about the new Indian dance class is a bit prematurely formed. If you had mentioned that the new Indian dance class wasn’t as enjoyable but still worthwhile (e.g. you can do something that you learn as a character but you wouldn’t necessarily call it “fun”) because of your pursuit of dances based on the first class, then it would be coherent with the first example. It seems to me that you knew what you wanted to say, but it is not clearly conveyed in the writing.</p></li>
<li><p>The Introduction can be better written. The transition between your brother/you to pursuit of happiness could use a sentence in between. It seems a bit abrupt.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>As a side note, I tend to grade essays extremely harshly so other people may not view it this essay. But, take it for what it’s worth 
PM me if you have any other question.</p>
<p>Thanks, both of you! This was my first essay, by the way. I’ve done some research since, so I can understand what you’re trying to say. Nonetheless, more insights would be great!</p>
<p>I agree with grayfalcon’s specific criticisms. I think I can add another. While you find a strong example to support your idea, and summarize that idea very nicely in your concluding paragraph, it is still only a single idea. If one counts the final sentence of your introductory paragraph as a major supporting idea, which I would do, your total is now two ideas. If you could have gone further with more ideas related to your major thesis, I think you should have.</p>
<p>If your handwriting is such a problem, practice writing faster and ask others to read what you have written. Don’t let the physical act of handwriting overshadow the much more important illumination of your ideas.</p>
<p>Finally, remember that there is a difference between expressing several ideas to develop and support your theme and expressing the same idea several times. Three related ideas with an example supporting each is superior to one idea supported by three examples.</p>