Please grade my SAT Prep Essay!!

Test Preparation
1

<p>Please grade my SAT Prep Essay! I realize there are tons of grammar mistakes (and other things), so I ask that you please give me two scores:
1. On the essay (grammar and all)
2. On the essay (if we pretended the grammar was a lot better)
I'm pretty new to writing these, so tips on improving are appreciated.
Thank you!!</p>

<p>"No one is contented in this world, I believe. There is always something left to desire, and the last thing longed for always seem the most necessary to happiness." - Marie Corelli, A romance of Two Worlds</p>

<p>Assignment: Do you think that people are capable of finding happiness, or are they always seraching for something beyond what they have?</p>

<p>Happiness is a state of mind that complies satiety of the soul. for people to ever reach this state they compete with the wholeness and goals that they've put upon themselves.
Although this seems a simple task in words, it's more of a complex chase to redeem oneself, which results to being impossible due to human nature's thirst.</p>

<p>By thirst, it can be applied to the daily part of people lives. Things people require bring people acceptance although things such as food bring the feeling of warm happiness. This is limited, making the happiness a passing state. As one reaches for another potato chip, this shows the need to bring about this once happiness. It can be similar to waiting in line at a ride for an amusement park. When my friends waited in line, they had exhileration to reach this happiness, although when the ride was over after its limited amount of time, they wanted more. </p>

<p>This wanting more aspect works in the way people train their minds when they try to achieve something. People working toward fitness have to focus their willpower on improving to their best, their potential. Although nobody knows whatexactly their potential is, it's something their looking for. Due to the emphais at determination, there really is no end. They'll always get better. When people say they want to work for something to the best of their ability, it parallels with the meaning of this situation. In this way, it's examplifies as to how reaching something is literally impossible, as the quote goes, "there's always more to improve".</p>

<p>The room to imporve is refelct even in nature. This is scene moreso int he scientific term evolusion. The environment is constantly changing to abide wit the differing of the world. It alternates in the way that many or may not be suitable to hits people. Since humans dominate the world, it is helpful to them which connects them in a way of constant variation, never reaching the end's society, happiness.</p>

<p>Fulfilling goals rings throughout the owrld in its different metaphorical sense. It's monster like wants mroe amore like the finess child the environment, the hungry child. People want have as much as they can shows that the reach for happiness can never be whole.</p>

2

<p>First, I think it’s clear you are not a native English speaker. I’ll deal more with that later. Let’s first look at the ideas in your essay.</p>

<p>As I understand it, you are saying people will never reach a final state of satisfaction with what they have or who they are. Their efforts toward satisfaction are always competing with their constant desire for more things and for greater personal improvement. Your first paragraph gives the examples of the transient satisfactions of appetite for potato chips and enjoyment of the rides at an amusement park. Your next paragraph gives the example of people continuously striving to improve themselves and constantly setting their goal higher as their abilities improve. Your next point deals with the constant change of evolution, which never stops. (I’m afraid I wasn’t able to understand your additional point about humans at the top of the evolutionary chain.) Your final paragraph speaks of the worldwide hunger for more as illustrated by the metaphors of a insatiable monster and a hungry child. </p>

<p>In general, the ideas contained in the essay are adequate for a score of 4 out of 6. However, the actual writing of the essay has many problems and if I were to score the essay for an actual test, I’d have to score it a 2 of 6. This gets us back to your proficiency with English.</p>

<p>SAT essay readers will know you are not a native English speaker, but that doesn’t matter when they score your essay. They are not permitted to take that into consideration. If your grammar, vocabulary or sentence structures are not clear and precise, your score will suffer for it.</p>

<p>Your score on the SAT, both Verbal and Math will depend heavily on your ability to use English. (Remember that many of the math questions are presented in written form rather than as equations.) So for you, learning English as spoken by Americans has to be a high priority.</p>

<p>Do you know an English-speaking person with whom you can read and discuss English texts, novels, magazine articles on all subjects, newspapers? If you highlight any words and phrases you don’t understand and find out what they mean and learn other ways the words may be used, you will improve your vocabulary as quickly as possible. Keep a list and study it at night just before you go to sleep. That is the best time for memorization. (That is a scientifically-proven fact.) Remember that English words have many different meanings and they also suggest different emotional attitudes than other words that have the same literal meaning. We speak of denotation (literal meaning) and connotation (implied and emotional coloration of the meaning). Many SAT questions stress these second or third definitions of the word and the reading comprehension tests often base inference questions on the connotations of words.</p>

<p>There is one final point. When you ask others to read your essays, you are asking them to take their time to help you. As a matter of courtesy and respect for their willingness to help, you should make the effort to make your essay as clear and error-free as you can. Don’t add to the reader’s workload by sending a carelessly prepared essay. If you know your essay is full of typographical errors, correct them before you ask someone else to read it.</p>

3

<p>@Woods.</p>

<p>I’m sure she/he would correct them if he/she could but like you said he/she is probably not a native English-speaker. Also writing a super clear, error-free essay would probably require more time. Perhaps the OP wrote this under the 25 minute time limit and typed the essay as how it was written. </p>

<p>@OP.</p>

<p>I would probably give the essay a 5/12. You didn’t use any specific examples(ALWAYS use specific examples, books, history, current events) and the grammar was pretty bad,</p>

4

<p>Thank you for pointing out an idea in my post that wasn’t as clear as it should be. I should have said that the post should be free of typos. Otherwise, the essay should be either written as well as the writer can manage or written under test conditions, and then the writer should state which is the case.
Since the actual SAT essay will not be typewritten, typos won’t be an issue and so they shouldn’t be an issue in a posted CC essay. If the typos aren’t corrected, the reader won’t know whether errors that appear are simply typos or actually errors, not to mention that many essays are hard enough to understand without obscuring them even further.</p>

5

<p>@Woods</p>

<p>Thank you for your analysis! I apologize for my not correcting the typos, I was rushing, and I didn’t consider the fact that it would be difficult for readers to read. I’m really sorry!</p>

<p>See, the thing is, English is my dominant language. I only moved to America at a few months of age. I just have very, very terrible writing skills (on rough drafts). Thank you for the tips about studying and reviewing vocabulary at night! </p>

<p>I’m going to be a sophmore next year, so I decided to prepare this summer. I’ve always taken the accelerated path for my classes. My essays always had high marks, but I made multiple drafts to achieve their final copies. Although, during timed essays, I still got high marks. Is 10th grade English a lot more difficult than 9th grade English? </p>

<p>Personally, I thought the insatiable monster idea was a pretty good one, apparently not. Do you guys have any tips on bringing the essay’s ideas from a 4/6 to possibly a 6/6? Any tips on developing ideas, or is that just practice?</p>

<p>@Niceboat</p>

<p>Thank you!! I’m sorry again about the typos!</p>

<p>Bringing in specific examples was always another of my weakpoints. Tips for that? I guess reading diversely will help?</p>

6

<p>I think you might be trying a bit too hard to use complicated words. In some parts it seems to lose focus since you are not some words correctly. Maybe if you used some simpler/basic words it would be a bit easier to read</p>

7

<p>Hm. I definitely agree with Peppino that you have to be genuine. Don’t compromise your writing to use complicated words; it makes the flow a little awkward. I cannot speak for what the markers would think, but that is the advice I would give. Best of luck! You have a while before you actually have to write the essay.</p>

8

<p>@Peppino</p>

<p>I always considered that wording was a problem. I never actually did anything about it, because no one mentioned it. Thanks for the advice!</p>

<p>@ReesesPieces</p>

<p>Thank you! I’ll practice more on flowing my sentences.
I realize that I have a long time, but I’ve been raised to prepare ahead to avoid cramming. For all the tests I’ll end up cramming for, I definitely don’t want the SAT to be part of them.</p>