Help - daughter has COMPLETELY changed mind about college - what now???

New to these forums, although i’ve been reading them for a long time. DD is a senior and has been planning and preparing to go into Computer Engineering for the last few years. Has been active with comp sci summer camps, has taken a couple college level courses, and has applied to all tech/comp sci schools. Several acceptances already in, just waiting for the last few.

Last week she sat us down to say she is now unsure of her major and maybe wants to attend a school where she can explore other options, rather than just be dumped into an engineering program that is one track to a career.

I’m a little lost as to how to direct her - she is talking about drama or screenwriting, despite never having expressed an interest in these before! She is a very mature young lady, and always thinks things out, so i don’t want to dismiss this as cold feet.

When we first started the college process, we visited several liberal arts colleges (Dickinson, Franklin & Marshall, Gettysburg) all of which she hated!!! Now she wants to reconsider and possibly add other schools to her list…but it’s late December! Her guidance counselor just had a baby and will not return until February.

So: i’m in a panic. Any suggestions???

What are your financial constraints, are any of the acceptances at your state flagship where she could study anything she wanted, do you have a viable state U which you can afford where she could take classes for a year and explore all of her interests?

And what are her stats?

What are her top choices now? If she didn’t like LACs, she might already have an acceptance to a larger school that offers a variety of majors. I know my neighbor’s son is a freshman at Purdue doing an exploratory studies major for now - he gets to sample engineering, business and 2 other disciplines he picks before he has to declare. Look at the places she already applied - they may offer something similar. Good luck!

It’s easy to change from Engineering to Humanities major. The important thing is to go to a College which is good in both areas, not just engineering. Then find out whether a certain area is a fit for her by taking one or two courses. My kid is unsure of his major. I myself started as a physics major and graduated as English Lit major. That’s what College is about. I myself view College as an opportunity to broaden and deepen your views and find out what you want to do rather than a place you go to get a job. These days, you can teach yourself pretty much anything if you are disciplined, without going to college. Look at all High School kid’s taking APs in classes they never took and getting 5s.

@blossom thank you for your help. Her stats are very good- 1450 SAT, 3.9GPA, lots of terrific activities (though most of those center around coding and engineering!)

We are full pay and can afford up to $60K/year. She’s already received nice merit from Pitt, the University of Delaware and the University of Alabama…although when I think of schools where kids can explore, I think of liberal arts schools, not big state schools. A little merit money would be nice. We won’t qualify for need-based.

Our state flagship is University of Maryland and is a reach for pretty much any student - but she has applied there as they are tops in Engineering, decisions will come out in about 6 weeks. Unfortunately UMD doesn’t seem offer much in terms of exploratory stuff- their undecided program is “Letters and Sciences” and from what I can see, strives to get kids to declare a major ASAP. Also, kids who don’t get into their preferred programs, but are accepted, are dumped there. (Although I will research that more.)

@NJWrestlingmom her top choice WAS University of Maryland and the University of Delaware. Maryland seems to be directing kids to quickly choose a major.

You as the parent seem to like liberal arts college as a good option to explore while your student hates the ones you visited. Why did she not like them? With stats like that she should have a very good shot at schools like Vassar, Colgate, etc.
Don’t panic though. Your D will be fine and has some acceptances already, many students (like my son) don’t even have that yet…

How about Smith College?

She will be fine at any of those schools. Is she in the engineering school at Pitt and the others? She can start out there and likely be able to switch (it is usually harder to do the opposite). There are lots of possible majors at big schools and so she can explore. The only issue is that engineering is very tight in terms of course progression. She would need to make a decision on the general path to pursue fairly quickly, but no panic needed.

D was absolutely positive she was going to pursue Chemistry. Until accepted student’s day. That was when she told me she thought she wanted to study History, Political Science, or Economics. I struggled with that a bit - H and I are both STEM folks - but then remembered I’d always told the kids I would support them in earning a degree but would not dictate the degree.

She was looking mostly at smaller schools that didn’t require declaring a major right away, so she went in undecided and took a couple of different classes in disciplines like History and Political Science. She found her passion - ended up double majoring in Classical Civilizations and History, minoring in English, and is now in a graduate program for Classical Roman Archaeology with a goal of teaching and working digs in the summer. She’s been all over Europe as part of her studies.

This was something that none of us ever would have thought about in high school.

It is late to be adding schools, especially if she’s hoping for merit aid. She might want to research and apply to a few and visit between now and acceptance day? Or she might need to think about spring admissions or possibly a gap year.

@NLEPeeps you wrote this:

I just want to say…your thinking about these colleges is WAYYYYYYY off. Students enroll, and change majors often…and sometimes multiple times. Pitt, Delaware, Alabama and Maryland offer a HUGE number of majors…HUGE. Your daughter could enroll at any of them and major in any number of things.

If she really liked theses colleges, honestly…she should be able to find a major she likes at them. She doesn’t have to be a CE major at any of these schools. The vast majority of students attending these universities are NOT CE majors.

With regard to her GC being out…so what? Students continue to send applications after the first of the year. If your daughter wants to do so, there is someone assigned to the task of assisting the students. It’s not like the counselor on leave is the ONLY one who can do this. Ask at the high school.

FWIW, my D is a sophomore at Pitt. She applied as an English major, then decided she wanted to Politics and Philosophy, and has now settled on Economics. There was no school imposed pressure to select a major. I think she felt some internal pressure to figure out a direction and has now declared a major that she is happy with. There are many GenEd requirements that allow students to sample several different disciplines. I think most large universities allow this type of exploration.

This is a big, big decision and I suspect last second panic is normal. You’ve done due diligence, she has applied to a number of good schools which don’t just teach engineering. If you had given a school list of MIT, RPI and WPI then I might be worried about her being able to take humanities classes, but the schools you listed are perfectly fine.

Maybe some time during the holiday you might find a non-hectic moment and have a long talk with her about why she feels so disconnected so suddenly. Honestly, it’s good to question your life’s path when you’re young. And it’s good to do it before you make an expensive decision.

You’re so lucky to have raised a kid who feels comfortable enough with you to have this sort of discussion and trusts you to share this sort of inner emotional turmoil. You are doing a good job. She needs to take the next step.

Also, if you’re getting merit aid but can afford full pay, it wouldn’t be such a bad thing for her to take more than 4 years and explore courses rather than committing to a restrictive program day 1 freshman year.

I bet she turns out to be a fantastic adult.

@WilliamNYC did not like how small they were, also thought the kids all seemed homogenous.

@mom2and yes, she got into the engineering programs. I suggested just doing the first year and see how it goes - she did NOT like that idea at all.

@InigoMontoya thank you - good to hear! (Love your screen name!)

Delaware, Pitt and Maryland are terrific options for a kid who wants to explore. Wide and deep. So stop panicking. That’s the first message.

Second- agree that talking with your D about the change of heart is a valuable exercise. Not to change her mind- but to listen.

Third- there is NOTHING wrong with changing majors (I did, several times, my kids did, several times; Spouse did not but added a second degree and still graduated on time) and we’ve all had productive careers even though they weren’t what any of us could have predicted going in to college. One of my kids is in a field which didn’t exist when picking majors, at a company which didn’t exist (may go public this year), doing a job which we still don’t understand. A Liberal Arts/Humanities major leading a big team at a tech company, go figure.

Fourth- the important element is to gauge your D’s readiness for college AND having a choice of affordable options. If she wants a gap year to fully think through this new direction-- talk about that. If she wants to do a summer online course on screenwriting- how much would that cost and can she spend her days writing and evenings waitressing to help pay for it. Keep the options on the table.

And calm down- I’d send an undecided kid to Delaware, Pitt or Maryland in a heartbeat! You just can’t run out of interesting classes to take!

@NLEPeeps

My guess is it is EASY PEASY to switch OUT of engineering at any of these schools.

If she doesn’t want to take engineering courses her freshman year, and she is sure she doesn’t want to major in engineering…let her move on.

As an FYI. I have a kid who enrolled at her college as undecided. She the declared her major as engineering her sophomore year (she had taken all of the same courses first year engineering majors take…and her school allowed this major to be declared). But wait…halfway through her sophomore year, she decided that she did NOT ever wNt to be an engineer. So she picked up a second major in biology…which was not in the college of engineering and required some different core courses.

My point is…your daughter needs to make this major choice. Engineering is a tough major…and the field inset for everyone either. Let her choose…and sometime this break. Have her look at ALL the different majors these current colleges offer.

Is computer science a restricted admission at any of the schools she is considering? That is, if she forgoes it freshman year, but decides she wants it again sophomore year, will that even be possible? At some colleges it is not. I would focus on colleges where transfer is relatively easy; I’m not so sure about Maryland.

If she received merit for Pitt, I’m assuming that she also received an invitation for their Honors College. Take a look at the Pitt Honors College Facebook page. It’s full of students that are pursuing a wide range of studies and have received numerous competitive scholarships to study abroad and to continue their graduates studies. Pitt would probably be an excellent option for her.

I do agree that it is easy to switch out of engineering and typically very difficult to switch into engineering. I’d encourage her to start off in the engineering school and to take courses in her new areas of interest as well so she can get a better idea of if they are things she is truly interested in pursuing.

@happy1

At some schools, if the student is a freshman in engineering, there is precious little choice about the courses one can take…even as a freshman.