HELP: Disciplinary Action with Excellent Grades and Scores

Parent Cafe
21

I’m sorry this happened and that your son and family are facing criminal consequences as well as the expulsion. I have experience both in elite school admissions with a disciplinary record (although 10 years ago now) as well as issues involving prescription medication abuse (totally separate matters in my family).

I, unfortunately, agree that this was almost certainly not your son’s first encounter with drugs and it could be the sign of a serious problem. The abuse of prescription pain meds is rampant and very, very serious. The users will lie, lie, lie and deny, deny, deny. Very high functioning students and professional workers have fallen under this bus and it is very tragic.

That said, if the criminal case resolves somewhat favorable- i.e. probation, deferred adjudication or a dismissal, you are in must better position. The fact that you withdrew him instead of taking the expulsion doesn’t get you too much, since I think the question is phrased along the lines of whether you had to involuntarily withdraw.

It can be explained with an essay about the experimentation and lapse of judgment that disappointed everyone, etc, etc. There are many more applicants with checkered pasts than those on this forum might realize. I was told by several highly selective colleges that an alcohol violation is almost expected, but a drug or academic dishonesty violation can be a deal-breaker.

22

I bet he still has a good shot at Indiana, which is a fantastic school and my alma mater! :slight_smile:

23

Seems like you have four issues:

1- Legal ramifications- you are dealing with those appropriately IMHO.
2- Health concerns/possible red flags re: your son- you seem in denial that he could have a problem
3- Ongoing relationship between you and your son- Ditto
4- College admissions- agree that if you can afford a private counselor who has experience with substance issues on an application, that’s a prudent move. If you can’t afford one- I’d start thinking about a gap year now.

Is it possible that this is the very first time that your son and an opiate have met? Yes. Is his story plausible? Yes. Is it likely? Stretches credulity I think. But it is worrisome that you are taking refuge in his high grades and scores as somehow being proof that he couldn’t possibly use drugs- ever. I know a surgeon who lost his license over addiction- and he was at the top of his field for over a decade before his addiction was discovered. Ten years of being world renowned in a competitive field AND an addict. Yes- some people with substance issues live in squalid conditions and don’t comb their hair. Others are high performing professionals with top notch academic credentials and a wide range of intellectual interests.

I’d be focused a lot more on his health and open communications within the family than I would with his admissions cycle. He can take a gap year- get a job, do volunteer work- essentially show that he took his brush with the law seriously- and apply in 12 months. But you can’t get your son back if he’s in a bad place and can’t or won’t tell you.

Big hugs. This must be very, very scary.

24

Compmom - thank you.
(original poster here) - after performing a 90 day hair test, we got a completely negative report for all drugs. This in itself is huge relief to us. As to why he is led up to this, we have no idea.

It was not easy to negotiate with the school, as they presented us with no option but a potential expulsion in a very short span of time. The only way we could have negotiated was through a lawyer, which would have dragged the process & it was not clear to me, assuming we won, that he would have the same friendly school environment he had before and will not continue to be under some kind of suspicious watch of the teachers and management. Besides, it was critical to take him out of the environment and contacts that helped him land in this situation.

25

Anjans, I can totally understand wanting him to get out of an environment that had become harmful. That is the most compelling reason and clearly it was not some sort of “strategy.” The rigid zero tolerance policy must be a result of the funding sources. I know kids with similar circumstances - good kid, joint in locker, or tried something once- and our regular public school did suspension and sometimes cops were involved, but the young person continued life at school and went to college and did fine. This is an especially harsh result and I am sorry for your son, and you.

People jump to conclusions about drug addiction too quickly. My kids are good kids and ended up at great colleges and jobs or PhD or whatever, and were around a lot of experimentation in high school, and college They all tried marijuana and alcohol. Two couldn’t really indulge due to health issues but were around a lot of recreational use, both at Ivies. The whole “just say no” culture is, to me, unrealistic and even backfires.

The negative hair test is significant and will greatly help him with colleges. He made a mistake. There doesn’t have to be a big bad reason for having the pill. Honestly, some of that kind of risk taking is the kind of thing that leads to entrepreneurship and success in later life. Everything has a positive side too.

There is NO reason why this should alter his life path. There IS a reason to try to have personal contact with schools to explain the situation - and the drug test. I think admissions officers will be sympathetic.

Counseling might help your son with the trauma of this (the fall from grace) but otherwise I am so so glad to hear he is not using habitually.

I sincerely hope he can recover from this quickly, get good recommendations from teachers, talk to the schools, and end up in a great place that fits him well. And I hope you also have a chance to recover, even though your focus is your son right now.

26

lookingforward - Thank you.
Given where we are in all this, we do not have a kid who has slipped into a dangerous habit, but one who is prevented from the first steps of doing so, through, what might be a painful reprimand. We are hoping that whatever charges and proceedings, will be treated with some benevolence, given his history of a real habit is a zero.

The biggest loss in the near term are recommendations from old teachers and guidance counselor. The school would have prevented them even if we continued, given that they will not let this pass without a disciplinary action. Our continuation without the help of a defense lawyer was very bleak.

27

“In my opinion, pills are bigger than joints because they seem to be a gateway to more serious drugs. And you can’t always tell whether or not a student is using by judging their behavior and grades”

austinmshauri - thank you. We got 90 day history report through hair test. It is completely negative.

28

MomofWildChild:

“I, unfortunately, agree that this was almost certainly not your son’s first encounter with drugs and it could be the sign of a serious problem. The abuse of prescription pain meds is rampant and very, very serious. The users will lie, lie, lie and deny, deny, deny. Very high functioning students and professional workers have fallen under this bus and it is very tragic.”

Thank you. Understand how this works. We will closely monitor him from this point. (As I indicated in other replies, a 90 day hair test came out completely negative for all drugs).

As suggested by you and a few others here, I am debating the possibility of meeting college admission officers to brief the situation.

29

Thank you. U.Indiana is his list.

30

“But you can’t get your son back if he’s in a bad place and can’t or won’t tell you.”
blossom - thank you.

I fully understand. I am not in denial nor trying to brush this easily away. Only temporarily comforting thing is - a 90 day hair test turned out completely negative. As regards of family, we have nothing out of the ordinary, as with most people - small problems, small events of happiness, small wins and losses every day.

31

I’m really happy to hear about the 90-day hair test. I am one or two degrees of separation from truly heartbreaking stories about good kids who got caught up in addictive habits and lost their lives as a result, but it sounds as if you are on top of this. Lucky kid to have alert, thoughtful parents. This is a tough learning experience, but it sounds as if he’ll be fine in the long run. Be forthright and proactive, and file under “whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

32

Are you saying that teachers at the old school will not do recommendations? That isn’t right, not at all. Has your son asked a teacher he respected who knew him well? Or has the school forbidden this?

33

Well I hope the contacts were expelled from the school!

34

OP, you previously said teachers at the old school might support him. I realize things are moving fast, but do check, if you haven’t.

Is he a junior now? (Applying next fall?) If so, there’s some time to make good impressions at the new school.

And consider an anonymous call to a few good non-target colleges, to inquire about their perspective.

Glad about the hair test.

35

It may not be right in your opinion, but recommendations aren’t really an entitlement. Individual recommenders whether teachers, admins, or employers have the right to decide whether to write a recommendation for a given requesting student/employee.

They also reserve the right to take the recommendation back if more information, especially negative information causes the recommender to reconsider whether he/she could write a recommendation in good conscience.

This doesn’t only happen in the HS context, but also in the professional and undergrad/grad school contexts. One case I know of happened to an older college classmate as two Profs who initially offered to write recommendations to PhD programs on his behalf in a Masters program ended up taking those recommendations back after finding out about problematic behavior in a class with another Prof in the same department.

36

Of course they are not an entitlement.

37

I am replying to multiple responses here:

"Has your son asked a teacher he respected who knew him well? Or has the school forbidden this?
“Is he a junior now? (Applying next fall?) If so, there’s some time to make good impressions at the new school.”

We have a few (small number of) teachers who know him very well and will support him. We will be asking them for letters. Yes, we are confident that, sans this issue, he will be able to perform well in the new school.

“Well I hope the contacts were expelled from the school!”

Not quite. Since we withdrew, their investigation of the issue has pretty much halted. But, it is likely that they be doing a search for more kids in under cover mode. I would say, this is a lose-lose proposition. The school ought to apply a system of progressive discipline, instead of expelling and permanently damaging the future of 16/17 year olds.

“Of course they are not an entitlement.”

I can understand the view point. The primary achievements of an individual, whether it is for a job or a school admission, are mostly showcased in the resume or transcript. Over and above, an interview and direct evaluation are supposed to prove the competence of the individual to perform in future job or position. The purpose of recommendations is throw light on the aspects of the individual that do not become apparent in the resume. This is where recommenders are supposed to reflect on your personality and other noteworthy aspects and provide additional inputs.

In our case, we will not be getting the recommendation of the school guidance counselor, where went to school for 7 years (because of this incident). The principal has expressly communicated to the the teachers and staff not to provide official recommendations. This, in my opinion, is the legal overreach the school is afforded - thanks to how schools are playing the double role of a public prosecutor and a school (*). It is ironical that, after referring the case to the state, the school still has to clamp his future by other means. I find it superfluous that the recommendation of school guidance counselor is a required-must on every application (see common app) - given that a guidance counselor only helps select classes and his/her interaction with students is peripheral, compared to teachers who deal with students on a daily basis.

(*) I can not speak the specifics here, but it is our belief that some staffer/teacher at school had been scheming to do this to our son for a while before. It is nearly impossible to believe that he was ratted out by the principal, just in a span of half an hour, on one fine working day when everything is too normal otherwise.

38

(OP here). I forgot to add. Our son has enough courses and grade achievements to graduate right away, or rather at the end of his junior year. They have, in fact, graduated a few other students at the end of the junior year based on their course completions. I have requested for the option to graduate him. It was refused on the ground that he is facing a disciplinary action. I do not know if this issue could have been litigated. We had to make the best decision at the right mix of being impulsive, compulsive and thoughtful in a short span of time. Hence withdrew.

39

Why would a teacher or other member of the school staff want to get your son expelled?

40

So some teachers will support him (you only need a couple of LoRs, in total, and may find the ones from the new school are strong.) But at the same time, the old principal doesn’t want teachers to give official letters. ?

There are only a few colleges I know of that would request letters from both the former and present GC. If he’s a junior now, he has time to work the relationship with the current GC.