Help grade my SAT essay?

<p>Hi! I'm practicing for SAT essay and I would like extremely honest (yet constructive!) feedback on how I can improve. Thanks (:</p>

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<p>Excerpt: The novelist John Hersey wrote, "Learning starts with failure: the first failure is the beginning of education." </p>

<p>Assignment: What are your thoughts on the idea that failure is necessary for education to take place? </p>

<p>Essay:</p>

<p>Failure is necessary for education to take place as it allows us to reflect on what prevented us from achieving our desired outcome. By determining the cause of our failure, we gain more knowledge and wisdom, and can avoid repeating our mistakes in the future. </p>

<p>Steve Jobs, the former CEO of Apple, is a great example of someone who encountered failure, reflected on what went wrong and used this newfound knowledge to better himself. In the 1980s, he was booted out of Apple, the company he founded himself, for being too demanding and quarrelsome with his colleagues. Despite experiencing great humiliation at first, Steve Jobs knew that his ideas for Apple were unique and had much potential. He realized that he needed to convince people that his obsessiveness with detail, which often made him blow his top with his employees, was in fact a quality that could catapult Apple to new heights. All he needed now was to prove this to his former colleagues. With this in mind, Steve Jobs entered the most creative period of his life. By diagnosing the reason for his failure and thinking of a solution, Steve Jobs new exactly the course of action he needed to take. His failure made him realize what he wanted Apple's core values to be and he set out to convince others of this. As a result, Apple has churned out many competitive innovations such as the iPhone, iPad and MacBook that continually please audiences with their careful focus on the smallest of details. </p>

<p>I have also personally realized the importance of failure in educating ourselves. By experiencing continual success, it is easy for one to get complacent. Failure serves as an awakening reminder to us that we should continually be working on our weaknesses. By constantly reflecting on our mistakes, we gain valuable knowledge to better ourselves. For example, I recently failed my Biology exam. It came as a crippling shock for me and I immediately decided to focus on my study habits. What could I do differently? I realized that I was attempting to cram all the content I needed to revise the week before the exam. It occurred to me that THAT was the reason my knowledge retention was so poor! I decided to make a concious effort to start studying earlier - not just for Biology but also other subjects - and I saw improved grades across all my disciplines! </p>

<p>Failure is, most of the time, very disheartening and humiliating. But if we choose to learn from our mistakes and use our failures as an opportunity to better ourselves</p>

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<p>Yup, I didn't have time to finish my conclusion. This was my first time trying a SAT essay and I'm not a very fast writer :( </p>

<p>Aside from misspelling 'conscious' and not being able to complete my conclusion, what are some areas I can improve? My SAT is in January, so I've still got plenty of time for practice (:</p>

<p>My heart sank when I saw Steve Jobs name because he is way over used. Your handling of the example isnt great but it isnt the worst either- its still too a bit vague and high level to really be compelling. If you were more specific about his actions- the projects he killed, the way he set direction based on past failure- it would be more compelling. </p>

<p>Your education example is also weak- “I failed an exam and I learned I needed to study more”! Your thesis was "By determining the cause of our failure, we gain more knowledge and wisdom, and can avoid repeating our mistakes in the future. " but isnt “not studying enough” an obvious cause of failure for all students? I feel like the revelation here should be one of category, not just degree to be truly convincing. Like maybe you had always gotten by in school just memorizing the teachers notes, but now you found out that in order to truly understand the subject you needed to do the “optional” problems in the text book that werent even assigned. Now you have learned to do things differently because of failure, not that you just needed more of the same. </p>

<p>The conclusion is a good place to summarize and extend what you have proven in your examples and to claim it general applicability. So make sure to call back your examples and add a bit to the reasoning.</p>