Help grading BB Test 6 essay!

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1

<p>Hey, I'd really appreciate some help on grading my essay, as unbiasedly as possible, since I just can't decide what grade to give my essay.</p>

<p>Prompt: Is the word changing for the better?</p>

<pre><code> The world has been mutating at a breakneck pace since the industrial revolution. Seemingly overwhelming innovations have become a daily event. 100 years ago coal was our main source of energy. Today, there are countless amounts of energy sources, ranging from nuclear energy to solar energy. All said, we've been changing at such a rapid pace that we barely have time to ponder if our world is changing for the better or not. Though countless scholars argue about the vices of progress, the virtues greatly outnumber those vices.

Dystopian authors such as George Orwell, Aldous Huxley, and Yevgeny Zamyatin have warned us on the vices of immoral and unmonitored progress. The author of Jurassic Park, Michael Crichton, is another author who warns the world about progress and how the world is changing. These ideas are largely appealing to the contemporary reader, since many fear instability and change. Such warnings must not be refuted, but neither should they lead us to stop progress and digress into a kind of life as proposed by Henry David Thoreau, author of Walden. Instead, those warnings should further encourage us to constantly change our world --for the better.

A superficial benefit of progress may be the invention of new forms of eco-friendly energy sources. Though fossil fuels remain the largest source of energy, nuclear plants along with solar and wind energy provide us with alternatives for the future. Of course, some may argue that progress itself has laid worldwide pollution. Nevertheless, people should not lose faith that progress will eventually solve the problems it cause. Like a maturing infant, progress learns from its mistakes and strives to provide humanity with a better future and increased overall prosperity.

Truly, as Allen Goodman said, the "degree of change in the world is [] overwhelming [...]." It is changing at such a rapid pace that it is impossible to predict the world one decade later. however, one can assertain that progress works for the interests of humanity, despite its few flaws and pains it causes the world today.
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<p>*Self grading: 6-9
Reason: I thought my essay wasn't as focused on the topic as I intended to, and my 2nd paragraph (IMO) was a bit off-topic/unsupportive. Also, too much abstractions and few solid evidence.</p>

<p>Please, grade me as harsh, but honestly as possible, with as little bias as possible.
THank you!</p>

2

<p>hmm... bump?</p>

3

<p>Like you said, you don't really have anything that proves the good things changing in the world outweigh the bad. There's examples of bad things, but the good things you stay stem from them are unsupported by any examples. </p>

<p>I don't think the second paragraph is very good. You name a selection of authors and give a very general summary of their point, and adding Thoreau in there doesn't really make any sense, other than to prove you've read his works. The second sentence basically restates the first one and adds another author. There is a slight difference, but without specific evidence from the books there might as well not be. Spend less time thinking of authors and more finding examples in their works that fit your essay. There's a possibility that the graders don't know who your authors are, and just listing them won't tell them anything.</p>

<p>Your essay sort of goes back and forth at the end. A lot of sentences begin with a refuting phrase (of course, nevertheless, etc.), confusing the reader about which side you're really on, which side has more points. It's also not very fun if you read it out loud. You want to be emphatically proving your point, not trading points with the other side. I suggest starting with the opposing viewpoints points, countering them, then finishing off with a couple original points from your side.
The essay doesn't need to be something you really believe. Your essay as a whole, and the third paragraph especially, would have worked better, imo, if you stated your relatively abstract points as the opposite viewpoint, then used the evidence you had that the world is changing for the worse to counter that. It's fine to change your side while brainstorming if you think of a bunch of evidence for the other side.</p>

<p>Grade: 3-4/7</p>

4

<p>Also, coal is still our main source of energy. Your point about coal doesn't really make much sense. Say it was our only source of energy 100 years ago or something.</p>