<p>Currently I'm living at a dorm in college, and generally am having a great time. However, there's this one person in my dorm who's good friends with my roommate who keeps on harrassing me due to my race and social class, and also just in general trying to constantly put me down throughout the year.</p>
<p>At first I didn't really care for the first semester, just ignored it or took it off lightly, but this semester it has become more severe, and it really hurts me emotionally, distracts me during the day/night while I'm studying (because my roommate always invites him in), and at night when I'm sleeping because I sleep earlier than my roommate and he stays till like 3 am sometimes. </p>
<p>I tried to work out a deal with my roommate where he couldn't come in after like midnight, or had to leave if I was studying, or such, but my roommate has ignored everything - he's a nice guy but very weak-willed and easily influenced by this person. </p>
<p>The harassment is extremely annoying and hurtful, and so now I figure my main option is to go to my RA. He's already threatened me with either physical force, or that I wouldn't be able to convince my RA, if I go to my RA (I never mentioned going to my RA before to him, he apparently had forethought of it - he's likely experienced in this kind of thing).</p>
<p>So my basic question is, what can I do? It's really distressful on my life and I want to resolve it smoothly, but it's tough. I'm normally pretty good at just ignoring things, but it's hard when he is sitting basically three feet away from you in the room all the time when I'm in the room - and although I try to avoid my room most of the time, even for the brief times I'm in it he's usually there, and refuses to leave. Who should I go to? </p>
<p>If he’s threatened physical force honestly I would probably jump right over the RA’s head and file a restraining order with the police. </p>
<p>Either way, you have to do something. Go to the RA, go to the housing director, go to campus security,do SOMETHING. It’s your room, too, and nobody has the right to harass you. Do not take this sitting down, go up the chain of command until somebody does something about it, and if at any point you feel you are in danger you call the police immediately.</p>
<p>Your RA is there for situations like this. You can tell him to keep it between the two of you if you think the guy is serious about using physical force.</p>
<p>Sometimes an RA isnt enough. but it is a start. First thing you need to do is tell those people to stop as well as tell your roommate. Always start by confronting the person. then escalate to the RA. Then if it doesnt get solved from there, go to the dean of residence and housing.</p>
<p>either way, you need to speak up. if you dont say anything then it wont get fixed ever</p>
<p>Get your student handbook and find the harassment policy. File a complaint with whomever you’re supposed to, and when you do so ask what you can do to prevent further contact with this person.</p>
<p>Then talk to the campus police about what your options are and what you need to do in order to be prepared should you have to call them in an emergency.</p>
<p>I’d also talk to the RA, and I’d specifically ask for help making an agreement with my roommate that the guy wouldn’t be allowed in my room <em>at all</em>, but I wouldn’t <em>only</em> talk to him or her.</p>
<p>And of course document everything that happens in case you need that record later.</p>
<p>Many people do not understand the meaning of harrassment, especially young people. Your roommate’s friend may think he could threaten you physically without any consequence like in high school. It is not the case, especially once you are over 18. You have the right to a peaceful enjoyment of room, over and above his right of coming to your rommmate’s room as a guest. If he is making you feel uncomfortable you have the right to ask him to leave. </p>
<p>I would tell this guy what you would do if he should continue to harrass you - going to the RA, then the dean, and possibly filing a restraining order with the police against him. I think with a record like that would prevent him from getting a job or go to grad school in the future. In letting him know the extend of what you would do may just stop him. But if he is too stupid to comprehend then I would follow through. You should write down things he has said to you, and any threat he has made, and who were in the room when he said those things. At the minimum, even if he was the nicest guy in the world, there is no reason why he should be in your room when you are trying to go to sleep.</p>
<p>This is part of growing up, standing up for your rights.</p>
<p>Just to clarify, he threatened physical force as a preemptive move to keep you from going to your RA?
Then this is the time to go straight to your RA! If your RA stumbles (doesn’t believe you, doesn’t take it seriously, ect) then go immediately to your Hall/Dorm Manager.</p>
<p>If at any time you fear retaliation then I’d go to your campus police department to seek additional advice/file a report of his threat.</p>
<p>You’ve done a great job keeping the situation diffused while maintaining not only your academics but your sanity! No reason you should have to suffer any longer.</p>
<p>I recommend going straight to your campus police if he’s threatning violence. You RA likely won’t want to get involved and might not take your accusation seriously. And there’s a good chance the campus police won’t either. They think their only job is to walk around at night and make sure no one’s car gets broken into. </p>
<p>I was harassed by an ex-boyfriend of mine recently. Luckily it wasn’t as severe as your situation sounds, but it was still awful. He’d follow me around the halls, text me creepying things like “Stop reading” when I was studying, letting me know he was watching me without saying “Hey I’m watching you”, and I’d look around and I could see him anywhere but I KNEW he was there. It was like a really cheesy horror movie.
He also called me 10 to 12 times a day, texted me nonestop, and literally waited outside of my class for two hours one day, waving at me from the hallway to try to get my attention during class. He talks nonstop about wanting to get back together, and get angry when I tell him no, even though I’ve repeatedly told him it will NEVER happen several times. And when we went to high school together, he had a violent temper, so of course I went straight to the campus police. Which was a joke. They had me fill out a witness statement and said that if he harassed me again to report it and they could arrest him for trespassing, a class C Misdeanor, which is the equvilant of running a red light or speeding. I was like “Why can’t you do it now? He’s not a student here. He only comes around here to harass me, and he’s on campus when he’s not supposed to be! He’s technically trespassing RIGHT NOW!” but they just repeated to me that I should return if the harassment continued.</p>
<p>As of now, he hasn’t bothered me in a week, but I swear if he contacts me again, I’m going STRAIGHT to the police. The county police. Campus security is a joke, they don’t want to do anything. </p>
<p>For you situation, if you really fell you are in potential danger, I recommend going to the local police. Campus police are pretty incompetent, at least from my personal experience. </p>
<p>Don’t wait, thinking you can handle it yourself. These things tend to only escalate, and you don’t want it to go on your record if a physical altercation becomes inevitable. At least if you report it to the police they may be able to stop it, or at least side with you because they see you sought help beforehand if a fight does occur.</p>
<p>Good luck. Hope that jerk leaves you alone.</p>