<p>My soon-to-be 10th grader is addicted to video games and I need a way to keep him on task when he needs access to the computer. We already have a way to limit his access to the computer in general (we set up times that the computer will shut off via a parental controls program) but we have not been able to find an effective way to keep the computer on but block certain (game) websites while still allowing him to access Word (to write a paper) or access to other websites (to access his school's website for HW assignments, or to research a topic for a school assignment). Any suggestions, including software that will allow limited access?</p>
<p>Tell him not to , inform him of the consequences if he doesn’t obey you, and hold him accountable for his actions and follow through with any consequences you told him about up front. This applies to anything and should be adequate.</p>
<p>If you’re not willing to do that, which is really the right way to go about it, and want to brute force his compliance through technological means then you can - </p>
<p>Move the computer to the living room or dining room table where the parents can routinely see what he’s doing on the computer and only let him use it there.</p>
<p>I assume you’re referring to computer video games.
If talking about Worldcraft, which seems likely, you can set up parental controls which allow you to set up a weekly schedule of when he can play (I believe you might also be able to set up certain quantity of hours played a week.
Other games (especially offline games) lack this feature.
If talking about consoles, you can set up parental controls on them as well that allow for similar controls.<br>
Feel free to provide more info for specific help.</p>
<p>If the computer is in his room and you don’t use sophisticated controls, you can only monitor his use by entering his room without knocking – a violation of privacy that many teenagers would find very objectionable.</p>
<p>Ideally you will teach him to self monitor so he can get his work done and understand moderation. If you choose to do something beyond setting time restrictions (which you have done), and moving the computer into a common room (which should be done anyway), the following software can be configured to set time restrictions, create custom lists of sites to always allow or always block, create reports, password override, etc.</p>
<p>edit: to add a disclaimer…I haven’t used the software above so I can’t speak to any limitations or workarounds that tech-savvy kids could jail-break.</p>
<p>Since he doesn’t listen, block all the sites he plays games on (if you use Firefox, search for a blocker add-on). Terminate his WoW account. Move the computer to the living room or the dining room table. And screw that objectionable/privacy bull. You pay the bills? Then it’s your house. Knocking is a demonstration of respect and an example, but if he’s doing this then you may just have to barge in the room.</p>
<p>We have a router with different filter settings (iboss) - it’s not super user-friendly at first, but once you get used to it there is a lot of flexibility. </p>
<p>That said, we use it strongly for the younger kids, but as they move through high school and need more freedom we loosen restrictions (both site & time) and continue working with them on getting things done responsibly - by the time they hit their senior year, my goal is total access because I’d rather struggle with that HERE where I can encourage & guide used… and catch academic neglect quickly so I can come along side and redirect them. If they aren’t to that point as a senior, I would worry seriously about their freshman year in college - instant total access with no self control could easily equal failed classes. </p>
<p>Our catch phrase is “With freedom comes responsibility”. ie: if you cannot behave responsibly, you lose freedom. If you demonstrate responsibility, then you earn more freedom. If they are complaining about limits, make it about them demonstrating to you that they can act responsibly, then give them the freedom they earn. </p>
<p>Does he recognize the problem? If so, ask him for input on the solution. If not, have him start tracking his time he spends gaming and go from there… I agree with the poster above, at this age your bigger challenge is training him for the day he walks out of your house, not just putting technological handcuffs on. That may be a temporary first step, but teaching/training him is the higher goal.</p>
<p>The need for internet access while doing homework is grossly exaggerated. It takes all of a minute to look up and download something from the school, or to email a teacher an assignment. The exception is when doing research, but I strongly doubt that every night one is doing ‘research’. So it might be easier just to remove internet access while he’s working. When he really needs to ‘get something’ use yours briefly while you are standing there. For larger projects involving research, add in some framed timed periods of internet use. </p>
<p>But I agree with others that, at some point, the opportunity for self-discipline to kick in has to be available. You might bide your time with more oversight now, hoping he matures into it before college, but it also needs a chance to take root (that is, a chance for it to be internally controlled rather than externally controlled) before he goes to college.</p>
<p>The computer is in the dining room (though it is not in the best spot for me to monitor him), however I work from home so I can not be right next to him (I have to take calls, etc that would be annoying to him, and when he is allowed to game with his friends via the internet, he would be bothering me). However, I could insist that when he is doing “work” (ie, not his free time to do whatever he wants) that he must be in a better location for me to observe him. But when my job gets busy, I can not be spying on him every few minutes – that is why I would prefer some kind of tool to help enforce the rules.</p>
<p>Part of the problem is that some of the sites he is allowed to visit during “work” time can look like sites that we ban during his “work” time. For instance, he is building his own computer game (which we allow him to do during his “work” time, at least during the summer) and that looks a lot like a typical video game site that would otherwise be banned. Also, the minute he sees someone walking in, he is clicking the mouse (to change windows) so it is not so easy to catch him in the act.</p>
<p>I want to be certain that he has had a violation before I enforce the consequences, so even a tool that records each website visited during a period of time would be sufficient (to confirm whether or not there was a violation).</p>
<p>We have tried using a capability in our router (Verizon) to restrict specific sites or to totally block the internet, but it wound up disabling Word and other essential tools. I agree that he could download info for a research paper and then we could cut off the internet, but he will need to have Word running in order to write a research paper (though I suppose I could insist he write it all on paper and then type it into the computer later on).</p>
<p>It is frustrating because his grades, for the most part, are quite good. He does not like writing papers/essays, and so he is procrastinating. And of course, I can’t help but think his grades would be even better if he did not have the constant pull to these game sites (or IMs from friends, etc).</p>
Restricting access to sites doesn’t have any effect on using Word or other local applications. Why are you saying this - did he tell you that? If so, you need to know it’s not true.</p>
<p>Since your S apparently can’t be trusted to comply with your rules you should be very restrictive with him on this and not feel bad about enforcing your rules. There’s something wrong if you’ve covered this ground with him multiple times and he’s still breaking the rules and paying no attention to you.</p>
<p>For spying - since you work at home, you could install VNC (server end) on his computer and VNC (client end) on yours and with that you can connect to his computer anytime you want and see exactly what he sees on his screen. You could tell him beforehand that you’ll be able to do this anytime you want and that you’ll do it from time to time just to make sure he complies. He won’t be able to hear you opening the door or walking down the hall. Just knowing that you can do this should help keep him straight.</p>
<p>But really, there are bigger issues if he’s showing this amount of disrespect for his parents and that needs to be taken care of since it’s a bigger issue than just computer usage.</p>
<p>Does he need on-line access all of the time?</p>
<p>If you disconnect his modem except for the 15 minutes or so that he absolutely needs to have access to download information or send emails, would that help?</p>
<p>Why does he have to have a computer that is connected to the internet at all? If he can not abide by simple rules then cut off his connection. Disconnecting the router hurts everyone else in the house who needs internet, probably mom who works at home. There is a difference between a student that has trouble staying focused (as adults we can understand this), and those that refuse to follow rules and will lie and deceive to do what they want. The first student you help, the second you remove the right to be connected…period. There is no reason his computer has to have a connection to have word. He can go to another computer to get email. As for building the video game…too bad, that is for kids that have the ability to follow rules. The same for online gaming. That is something for kids who follow rules. He’s too old for a babysitter, seriously. </p>
<p>I would not go to such lengths to offer online connectivity so my kid could play video games during a set time of day, do his work during another, and build his video game during another allotted time…all the while trying to fool everyone.</p>
<p>ucsd-ucla-dad is right, there is a bigger issue here and it’s not about the computer.</p>
<p>He doesn’t need internet access to use Word. Disconnect the cable or unplug the telephone cord to disable the connection. He can still write his paper that way.</p>
<p>Give him an amount of time he’s allowed to play games and stick to it. If he’s home at 3 then give him 3 hours to do what he wants before you knock off work and it’s dinner time. If he doesn’t participate in a sport or club then that’s 15 hours a week + time on the weekends to play on the computer. Then no more computers. No more games. Have him do his homework at the dining table or somewhere you can keep an eye on him. Most often the kids only need the computer to type up a paper or do basic research which is fairly easy to monitor and they don’t need to write or print or research a paper everyday. And if the weather is good send him outside to shoot baskets or work off some energy. Kids need balance between mindless internet stuff, homework, and physical activities. There is a bigger issue here… I routinely booted the kids from the TV, from their bedrooms, from the couch if I think they are reaching a persistent vegetative state and tell them to get outside and they do what I ask. If it’s raining or I get a bunch of whine, I tell them to knock it off and find something different to do that doesn’t involve eyeballs on a screen or I’ll give them housework to do or send them down the street to mow a senior’s lawn, if it’s my H whose sick of the XBox, he’s always got something that needs painting, leaves to rake a garage to clean. Off the computer means off the computer. Redirect their energies. Give your son an allotted time to do homework, an reasonable alloted time to do what he wants and then off the computer or the XBox or whatever electronic device is wasting time. I can monitor just as well as any fancy monitoring software. </p>
<p>I’ve tossed outside a roomful of 15 year old boys who play football and totally outweigh me and have been glued to an Xbox for 2 hours and told them to figure out something to do to amuse themselves. My H and I are “mean” I guess but really kids can spend too much time doing nothing and it can be very insidious. We give out kids alot of slack but certain house rules are simply house rules. If he’s going to be the next greatest software programmer to hit the world when he grows up he’ll still be the next greatest software programmer whether or not you monitor his time when he’s 15 or 16. “Mommy and daddy don’t like that” doesn’t work when they are 2 years old and it doesn’t work when they are teens. “No more.” works. Abdicating to monitoring software doesn’t change behavior. Good luck.</p>