Hi, I recently discovered CollegeConfidential and saw that many people had similar problems with their roommate that I do. My roommate is not only eccentric, they also mumble to themselves in the middle of the night in a language I don’t understand. I wake up at random times in the night to find her lighting candles and chanting strange things. Don’t get me wrong, I am pretty accepting person, but this is a little off. She’s a nice girl, she just does weird things. I had a boyfriend similar to her when I was in high school so it’s nothing new. I am afraid to contact the RA because her and my roommate are best friends. Often times they leave together in the night to go and partake in similar activities. I’m a little apprehensive about the steps to take to go about finding a new roommate, and leaving this one. I just worry about my safety sometimes. Any advice would be appreciated.
You are almost done with the year. If it is keeping you up, ask if she can please change the time or location. Otherwise, just find a different living arrangement for next fall.
And just because it is a language you don’t know, that doesn’t make it “tongues”.
Thanks I’ll try to make it
LOL.
If she’s waking you up in the middle of the night it’s fair to address that because that’s rude. If candles aren’t allowed in the dorms, also fair to confront that. The fact that she does some weird wiccan/satanic/whatever ritual in the room you have to just suck it up.
Also, you could try politely asking her to tell you what the ritual is about if knowing would make you feel better. For all you know she’s just praying for good grades or even praying on your behalf.
Heck, I’d be interested and asking questions.
@intparent great minds think alike, my edit about asking was cross posted with you
Has this been going on since August or September? Or is this a new second-semester roommate? If the former, I think you need to suck it up for rest of year. But if you do want to make a complaint to the RA, I’d definitely focus on whatever rules she might be breaking, i.e. open flame.
How to deal with Roommates:
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Think about the reasonableness of your request. Not being woken up in the middle of the night is reasonable. Not having candles (illegal in dorms) is reasonable. Talking in a language you don’t know is not a concern if it doesn’t interfere with your activities.
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Take steps to ameliorate the situation yourself. Maybe earplugs and eyemasks?
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Discuss issue with Roommate. Ask your roommate if they could stop lighting candles as it is against dorm rules and also speaking to herself in the middle of the night as it wakes you up.
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See if roommate is compromising…
5)Think about what you want to the end result to be…that works for both of you. For example: No speaking to herself after 12:00 and before 8:00am. No candles.
- Go to RA. State the issue, state that you have talked to roommate (because they will ask), state that you have tried other steps (like eyemasks) and ask for help in resolving the situation. “RA, I would like to get your advice on figuring out a resolution to an issue I am having with my roommate. .” Don’t discuss being Goth or tongues…just that she is disturbing your sleep and is using candles.
DO NOT SKIP THIS STEP even if you don’t think it will work. It doesn’t matter if it works…the next step will require that you go through the RA>
Most likely they will come up with a roommate contract for you both to sign.
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Follow the contract…and if your roommate doesn’t, then go back to the RA. If your roommate retaliates, go back to the RA.
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If RA doesn’t follow through or is useless, see if there is a different RA in your building. If not, go to the Housing office. Explain you have gone through the “chain of command”…that is, you talked to your roommate and then the RA but the issue still exists and it is preventing you from sleeping.
Thanks everyone! All of this advice Is much appreciated. I am going to try and make it through the rest of the year. She has asked if I would like to be her roommate next year and I politely denied. So can’t wait for a roommate change next year!
Besides all that very practical advice. above, I think I’d buy a locked diary and take notes – in case later you want to become a novelist . . . . great material.
Re-read your first post and tell me that’s not the beginning of a fabulously catchy novel.
@Dustyfeathers haha! That’s a great idea! It’s a little weird when you’re actually living in this situation, but one day I’ll look back on this and laugh.
Laughter is the best medicine. Being a great writer is the best revenge. And a lesson for life is: if you’re blessed with lemons, make lemonade.
As Anne Lamott said: If you didn’t want to be in my stories, you should have been nicer to me.
Or something like that.
She also has tips on how to disguise the identity of your subject in her book Bird by Bird.
Also, for a novel that used real-life experiences --heightened for fiction–you may want to look at A Secret History by Donna Tartt. Supposedly it was based on her experience at Bennington College.
Just make sure that your diary has a good lock . . . .
I still want to know what the roommate is really doing. LOL.
OP asked for “any advice”. Buy a fire extinguisher for your dorm room.
I would seriously be worried about personal safety in this situation.
I thought candles, or open flames, were a no-no in most dorms. My son’s roommate got a warning for having a candle even through it was unlit.