Hey guys so I’m a freshman in my second semester of college and am having constant anxiety over the past couple of days. The main thing bugging me right now is that dorm selection for next year is coming up and its most likely I’m getting a shitty dorm. I really don’t want to do a double becuase I have eczema and it’s kind of embarrassing to show around other people. But if I opt for a single, it’s going to be this really unsociable depressing dorm that available, if I even get that (depends on the lottery number I get).
On top of that classes are getting much harder and I’m stressing out becuase I don’t feel I’m doing enough extracurriculars.
The college I go to is a two hour train ride away from my house and my mom is really clingy so she wants me to come home almost every weekend. We have constant fights over the phone becuase I want to hang out with friends over weekends but she keeps bringing up the point that family is more important and that these “friends” are going to push me to do “bad” things like drinking and partying (our culture doesn’t allow smoking, drinking, partying,etc…).
I’m not really sure how to go about these problems. I know that they are much worse in my mind than in reality, but even considering that fact I still feel anxiety.
Dorm selection. Would you like a double if you didn’t feel self-conscience of your eczema? So do it.
Why would you be worried about a roommate? You DO go out in the world don’t you? You don’t live in a hole now do you? Believe me, nobody cares–they are much more worried about themselves and more accepting of others than you realize.
So go for the double if you think that’s better for you socially.
Extracurricular activities. Extra activities ALWAYS go when classes get harder and stress level goes up. That’s a given. This is not HS where you want something to put on a college application.
The focus in college is doing well in your major.
Unless an extra activity/club gives you something that adds substantially to the quality of your life (it’s super fun for you, friends you need, super for your chosen career) DROP IT!
Mom. I get it because I’m a mom. We love our kids and want them to stay safe with us forever! So what she says and does isn’t a “fight” really. It’s a fear for her kid going out into the world alone.
BUT…you need to break away and make your own decisions about who you hang out with and what you do.
. It is RIGHT and important that you want to spend times with friends and make your own connections to your own social groups. It is vital to you as a growing adult. Don’t think of it as “fighting with your parent” think of it as “breaking a kite string”.
I can speak directly to the extracurriculars point, because as a HS senior I’m juggling six classes (more than the full-time load at my school) along with tons of ECs. If you are struggling in classes, ask for help! Go to office hours, the school tutoring center, ask your peers to form a study group. If you can’t study in your room, go to the library.
As for extracurriculars, my advice would be to focus on 1-2 that are really important/enjoyable (a job, for example). Don’t overload yourself.
–In terms of the dorm if you have a good friend you want to room with perhaps explain in advance that you have eczema and the go for the double. Many people have to deal with different issues (health or otherwise) so as much as possible try not to let your eczema stop you in your life.
–Yes, classes get harder. If you don’t have time for a lot of ECs, then so be it. Don’t overextend yourself to the point where your schoolwork suffers. If you have one or two things you enjoy and a group of friends you should be set.
–As far as your mother is concerned you need to have a talk. Be sure she understands that not only does your social life suffer but your schoolwork does as well as you don’t have the school library (with its resources for your classes) to study in, you can’t work/study with your classmates, etc. Maybe set up a schedule where you go home once a month or something you can both live with. I agree that your mom seems to be having a hard time letting go but you need to step up and let her know you need to be at school most of the time.
– I would also consider making an appointment at the school counseling center. Speaking to someone there might help you to develop some strategies to deal with your eczema better, balance your schoolwork/ECs , handle your mom more successfully etc.