<p>I'm starting to lose it and I need help figuring out what to do. </p>
<p>My whole life I've had anxiety, especially anxiety over germs. I'm really having a hard time with sharing residence hall facilities. I haven't worn my retainer in days because I can't bring myself to try to wash it; I never feel like it's clean, and I never feel like my hands are clean enough to put it in my mouth. I washed it the other day with my hands and now I'm afraid it has germs on it. Today when maintenance cleaned the carpets in my room they put my shower flip flops on my bed and I almost lost it in front of my roommate when I saw; I had to wash the sheets, but then I saw hair inside the washing machine and that freaked me out too. If I think too hard about all the germs and diseases I could get in college I just start crying. </p>
<p>On top of all this I am very homesick and I live in a triple with little privacy. My dorm is old and kind of dusty and moldy so my allergies act up and the bathrooms are not very nice. I am considering asking for a single because it might take the stress off a little, but I don't know if I will be taken seriously (maybe if I get a note from my allergist).</p>
<p>The thing is I don't even care about making friends or getting good grades. I can't think about anything except where best to wash my hands or how much I miss my parents, or even worse my grandfather who died a few weeks ago. At worst I think about painless ways to kill myself. The other people here are stressing out about not having friends to eat with and getting into the classes they want and I just want to spend all my time alone.</p>
<p>I feel like I will never get any better. I've had this since 2nd grade so clearly it's not going to go away. It's just gotten really intense now because I'm at college, away from my family, and everything is dirty. I feel like I have nothing to live for and there is no point in doing anything because I am just scared and sad all the time and I will be for the rest of my life. If I go home or take a leave of absence I'll just be putting off the inevitable and I'll beat myself up for wasting time. I got into a very good college and I should want to be here but I don't, no matter how nice everyone is.</p>
<p>I know I need to go see counselling services but I don't know what to tell them or what they can do for me. I saw a therapist over the summer because I have been getting more and more depressed over the past 2 years, but we never clicked because I clammed up and had trouble telling her about myself. I know I should tell a therapist what I wrote here but it's really hard in person.</p>
<p>If someone can tell me anything about my situation--advice, past experience, etc.--I would be grateful.</p>
<p>Please seek help. Starting with Dean of Students sounds like a good step. You really need to find support on campus for dealIng with the anxiety and phobias. Have you ever take prescription medication for anxiety?</p>
<p>ETA: you could type up a description of how you are feeling and take it to a therapist or a psychiatrist more likely. I know it is very hard to suddenly open up to someone. But…this is clearly interfering with your ability to succeed at school. You need help getting through this so you can focus on school work and future plans.</p>
<p>On top of anxiety and depression you have a disorder that can be treated. But you need to get treatment now - like right now. Print out what you posted here and take it with you to the Student Health Center or local hospital. </p>
<p>@heps1996, The counselors at your school have worked with many students who have had similar thoughts and feelings. They are more common than you realize.
You are not alone.<br>
Print out what you just wrote in this post and take it over to the counseling office today. TODAY. Don’t delay getting help. If you aren’t sure how to contact them, first try the school website, and if that doesn’t work to get you to see someone TODAY, contact your dorm RA. You don’t have to give them the details, but let them know you feel you need to see someone TODAY, and see if they can help make that happen.
Have you told your parents what you just posted here? Please let them know what you are feeling.</p>
<p>There are many options for you, and you can’t possibly know what options exist at this point. Let others help you explore those options.</p>
<p>The counselor you saw this summer just wasn’t the right one for you. You can find one that will click with you better, and they really can help. The issues you are describing can probably get you a diagnosis from counseling that might enable you to get a single or other accommodations that would be helpful to you…so getting into that counseling office TODAY, can help you get on the path for counseling help, perhaps medication if you decide to do that, and adjustments in your dorm situation, so there is much to be gained from walking into that office.<br>
Please do that.</p>
<p>At the very least you’re experiencing suicidal ideation. That’s always a sign that things are going bad, especially if you’re already visualizing where to put your hands on the pills, razors, whatevers. I’m not a doctor, but your anxiety sounds a lot like OCD, and it’s reached a point where it is interfering with your life. Also bad.</p>
<p>You have probably reached the point where you require medical intervention. Call your school’s health center. If you can meet with a psychiatrist right away, do it. (In case you’re confused, most therapists are not psychiatrists. A psychiatrist is a medical doctor.) If you can’t see a a psychiatrist right away, you may need a referral from a general practitioner. A GP can also prescribe first-line meds for the situation. Again, I’m not a doctor, but it sounds like a few days on Ativan would do you a world of good.</p>
<p>If the health center puts you on some waiting list for more than a few days, then you should seek outside help – from a physician, possibly an ER as others have suggested.</p>
<p>Once you have calmed down, see a new therapist. If your school’s health center is really on the ball, then they have a well-established path for you to follow. If you get that vibe, simply follow the path they set out.</p>
<p>Good luck. Nothing in your life is more important than your mental health right now. It must become priority one for all the choices you make in the near future.</p>
<p>EDIT. It looks like a lot of us have been typing the same things at the same time. That’s a good indication that we’re right.</p>
<p>Getting a single should be doable, especially if you follow the advice you are getting. If Housing at your school doesn’t make it easy for students to get singles, then you need to get registered with your university’s Disability Services. Mental health issues are disabilities and if you require a single room, they can see that you get it. But you have to have a therapist/psychiatrist to fill out the paperwork to qualify, so you need to see someone for that reason, in addition to the urgency of seeing one to get help for extreme distress you are experiencing now.</p>
<p>Hi, I suffer from depression and anxiety. I know it is awkward and uncomfortable to go see a therapist but they have heard it all. My first session I went to at school I was uncontrollably crying and would utter random blurbs about my feelings.I got so upset I threw up on the floor. While I felt bad the therapist didn’t even bat an eye and asked if I wanted some crackers and coca cola to calm me down. The session was supposed to be an hour but it turned into three and ended with her walking me back to my dorm. It was incredibly embarrassing bc I saw so many happy faces at college and I was so upset. It is normal of course but not to our extremes.</p>
<p>I am SERIOUS when I say get help. If you are contemplating suicide you need to tell someone. You can tell a roommate, the RA or head to your public safety office. They have trained professionals who can help you. I am sorry for your loss. Have you told your parents what you are feeling/ are going through? I agree with the other posts that telling your parents is very important.</p>
<p>My first therapist, at home, I saw we did not get along at all. And that is okay. I was moved to another one and we got along well. </p>
<p>Also I think a single would be beneficial to your success at school. I think that you need to have your own room where you can control the environment and the cleanliness. Are there any newly renovated buildings or apartments you can move into? It is something to look into. </p>
<p>In the meantime, Please Please tell someone what you are feeling. Go seek help because it is available to you on campus and they know how to help you. </p>
<p>Take that first step to get treatment immediately. Everything that follows will work out. You might decide to stay in college this semester, or you might seek a medical withdrawal (from classes, dorm, financial aid/bills) to return to spring or next year. You have a bright future if you get help now. </p>
<p>There have been a lot of very blunt posts on this thread, which may feel kind of harsh to you right now, but the overall advice is spot on.</p>
<p>First, none of this is your fault. The therapist you saw last summer was not a good fit for you and I’m sorry you weren’t able to see someone you felt more comfortable with. </p>
<p>Second, you are NOT doomed to feel like this forever. I agree that your symptoms do sound like OCD (though I also am not a medical practitioner and am not qualified to diagnose!), and there are medications that can help with that. You might be surprised at how much better you feel about everything if you’re able to get your germ phobia under control. I’m not trying to push meds on you, but I would seriously think about it. Going on meds now doesn’t mean you’ll be on them for the rest of your life – I mention this because I know some people who hold back from trying meds for fear that they’ll be dependent on them forever.</p>
<p>I’m worried that some of the comments on this thread may have spooked you into not wanting to do anything at all. It can be scary to have people tell you “you are in danger” and “go to the doctor TODAY.” It can make you feel like a leper or something. Please believe that what you are going through is far from uncommon, and that your college’s counseling office has definitely seen kids in far worse straits than you are in. Going away to college is highly anxiety-provoking for many, many people. You are not alone.</p>
<p>Finally, I agree with the advice to print out what you wrote here and take it to all your appointments, especially if you find it hard to talk about this stuff in person.</p>
<p>Hang in there – I promise there is help out there for you!</p>
<p>Just wanted to note that I did not mean to add to any anxieties by saying go TODAY. I just feel that you seem likely to put it off, to overthink it, to doubt that you need it, to doubt that it will help, to come up with reasons not to go, or to delay it. You are reaching out now for help, and now is when you should get that help. </p>
<p>I went to the counselling services today and saw a psychologist. I liked her better than the one I saw before. She said what I have is probably OCD and that she will look into a treatment program for it since it can apparently be hard to make long term counselling arrangements at my college. I may end up going to the nearby city on a regular basis because there are more options there. In the meantime I’ll see her again next week.</p>
<p>I’m also going to ask for a different room assignment because of my allergies. I don’t have any documentation of mental illness/anxiety so I can’t get a single room for that reason alone.</p>
<p>I don’t feel as panicky but I’m really distracted still. It’s mostly logistical things (showering etc) that cause me the most problems. Today I had trouble doing laundry because the door didn’t “click” all the way but the machine started anyway and I didn’t notice until 10 minutes later. When I realized what happened I had a strong urge to redo the load because I “did it wrong” even though no water leaked out and I clicked the door when I noticed it wasn’t all the way closed. And then the only clean-looking dryer was taken. So now I can’t concentrate on my homework until I finish my laundry and make sure it all looks/smells fine. And I will keep thinking about it all week until laundry day comes around and I wash the clothes again.</p>
<p>Thanks for the responses. I felt better after reading them.</p>
<p>I hope your counselor shared with you that OCD symptoms are much much stonger when you are wound up/your anxiety is high. That means, as you get calmer so will the OCD symptoms like hand washing and the counting. Lots of people have OCD. Even some of us on this board. (smile) Best.</p>
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