<p>Hi Parents,
I am in a panic and need some advice and wisdom. At this point i am not rational.
My oldest son is from Northern California and has SIRed to UCLA. He turned down serveral other UCs. He is painfully shy and has broken out of his shell in his senior year. He really wants to have a great social life and has missed out during his high school because he focused on studies too much. He wants to have really close friends to do things with etc. He has no close friends going to UCLA and it is about 7 hours away by car. His housing assignment is in a suite with 2 other roomates and separate entrances. In other words, he won't be in a hall where he can meet lots of people and join goups at the dinning halls for meals. Because he is so shy and wants to be social, this is a diffiuclt situation and I am not okay with it. I plan to call housing and explain, but it is such a large school and I am not one good at making waves.<br>
Should he call the other two schools he turned down to see if they would take him back?
I am so upset, I cannot sleep and I am frantic. I think that being in an apartment like situation when it is your first time away from home would be too lonely.
Please advice, I am crying and very upset. I am only doing this after he is sleeping.
I have two other kids and can't neglect them or my home, but I can't help it right now.
Worriedmom in tears.</p>
<p>Sheesh . . . you should</p>
<p>(1) ask him if he’s comfortable with the housing assignment or would rather live in a dorm; and </p>
<p>(2) if, and only if, he says a dorm might be better, call the housing office and see if a change might be possible.</p>
<p>Chances are that the “really close friends” he’s looking for will not be the kids he is thrown together with randomly, but the kids he has something in common with - in other words, the kids in his classes. Who knows who might be on his hall if he ends up in a dorm? Having a suite might actually work better for him . . . it would give him a place to retreat to and have some much needed privacy from time to time. Just because he wants some close friends does not necessarily mean that he wants to be in the middle of “party central” 24-7!</p>
<p>My closest friends my first year in college were not my roommates or the other kids on my hall. Instead they were the kids I met in my classes who gravitated towards me (and vice versa) because we had interests in common - like studying a lot!</p>
<p>Take care of your other kids and let this one leave the nest on his own . . . he worked his way into UCLA - he deserves the chance to go and give it his best shot!</p>
<p>All the housing for UCLA is in one area. He will still be surrounding by tons of kids even if he isn’t on a traditional residence hall. And they all can go to any of the dining facilities. My son is finishing his 2nd year and he is in a “plaza”. We had heard that halls were more social and I was very worried that he would not “put himself out there”. But his plaza ended up being very social and he is doing great. There are hundreds of clubs etc… and the week before school starts there are a lot of activities for freshmen. I was surprised when I went on a tour at UCSD a few weeks ago that all of their dorms were suites.</p>
<p>My son spent two years in a high rise dorm with long hallways. He made lots of friends by hanging out in the “study lounge” assigned to each hallway, particularly groups of people who were in his math and science classes who studied for exams together. Some of my son’s friends were shy and introverted, others were gregarious. Your son might do well to take a trip across the way to the high rise dorms to study with his classmates. </p>
<p>Also, don’t fret. UCLA is a large school, but the people there (students, faculty and administrators) are very friendly. Your son will mature a lot once he leaves home, and you will be pleasantly surprised.</p>
<p>I agree that a quiet student might prefer the ability to retreat, and that a social life is going to find him regardless of his housing assignment.
I think I would be happy about his more luxurious housing assignment, and I would spend time researching clubs or activities he might enjoy on campus.</p>
<p>My daughter made several close friends by going on a Wilderness Adventure after her orientation. I just checked the website and see they have changed it to something called Den Camp. It is a three- night post-orientation camping trip for $275. I would suggest that. My D still hangs out with the friends she made on her camping trip.</p>
<p>I already signed him up for den camp! Thanks so much for your reply</p>
<p>I agree with posters who have said that your son will be able to find friends outside of his housing. Neither my son or daughter became close with roommates. Many students make their best friends through activities and classes and in the orientation programs – like the one your son will attend.</p>