Help with a scholarship thank you letter?

<p>So today I got an email that said I have to write a thank you letter to a scholarship donor... And it's the last day to submit it. I'm kinda freaking out, lol, because of the time crunch and because I've always been awful at writing things like this. The email I received suggested to thank the donor (obviously), mention some details about myself like my major or career goals or something about my family, etc. I wrote something up, and it has all of the suggestions except the thing about my family. </p>

<p>I'll include the letter below. My questions are: Does this sound sincere at all, or does it sound "fake"? (my parents kept telling me that my college essays sounded "fake" and it made me lose confidence in my writing). Also, is it really necessary to talk about my family and stuff like that? I don't know where to put it in the letter or what to talk about. </p>

<p>Here's the letter so far: </p>

<hr>

<p>Dear Dr. [Name of Donor], </p>

<p>I am writing to thank you for your generous $1000 [Name of Scholarship]. I was very glad to learn that I was selected as the recipient of your scholarship. By awarding me [Name of Scholarship], you have lightened my financial burden and allowed me to focus more on the academic aspect of college. </p>

<p>I am currently a freshman at [My College] majoring in biochemistry. I'm enrolled in 16 credit hours, including classes like introductory biology, chemistry, and calculus. I have also joined the Polyglot Language Club at [My College] and have recently become involved in undergraduate research. After graduating from the University of [State], I plan to pursue a career in medical research. </p>

<p>Your generosity has inspired me to help others and give back to the community. During my time at [Name of College], I have already volunteered at Harvesters and joined the American Red Cross Club. I hope one day I will be able to make a difference in the community and help other students achieve their goals just as you have helped me. </p>

<p>Sincerely, </p>

<p>[My Name]</p>

<p>Sounds and reads great. Doesn’t sound fake at all. I don’t see any reason to add more or anything about your family.</p>

<p>I think there is one thing you should change:</p>

<p>“I am writing to thank you for your…”</p>

<p>That makes it sound like you are being forced to write this, you know? Try something like this:</p>

<p>“I wanted to thank you for your…”</p>

<p>or</p>

<p>“I just wanted to say thank you for your…”</p>

<p>The rest of the letter I felt was sincere. You want to make it seem like this is something you WANT to do, not HAVE to do at the last minute :p</p>