Help with Introduction?

<p>So I've got a couple of drafts ready for my commonapp (I haven't decided which topic each fits into so just consider the topic "topic of your choice" as the one I've used) essay and I've got to decide which one I'm going to use pretty soon.
So if I PMed someone the intro's for each of my drafts could he/she tell me which is the best? I mean, which one makes you want to read on? These are just intro's btw.
Of course, if you don't like where the essay is headed or the essay shouldn't be heading where it could be please please tell me.
I'd love ANY corrections because I know everything in here is faaaar from perfect.
Thank you very much.</p>

<p>Bump…</p>

<p>Come on people. You can do it.
Let’s make the world a better place
Volunteer to read the intro’s…</p>

<p>Please!!!</p>

<p>I will. Send them to me.</p>

<p>Thanks man. I sure wish there were more readers though!</p>

<p>i finished my college apps luckily, and im glad people helped me proofread on here. so i guess ill return the favor. expect me to be done 2 days after you send it to me at the latest…</p>