Help with Son's Essay to Harvard!!!!!!!!!

College Essays
1

HI MY SON IS APPLYING TO HARVARD AND JUST SHOWED ME A ROUGH DRAFT OF HIS COMMON APP ESSAY! I THHINK ITS GREAT SO FAR AND WOULD LOVE SOME CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM FOR HIM!! PLEASE:D

CLANK! The cascading cacophony of metallic echoes resonating from within my aluminum bat as I hammer my first ever little league homerun out of the park and into the neighboring pool, sending the helpless swimmers scuttering away. I was so jubilated, that my prepubescent brain lost all recollection of the proper direction in which to run. I sprinted toward third base, rounded second, strolled past first, and slid, showboating, into home plate. This was the first time I truly felt I had failed.

Since this harrowing incident, one could say I’ve improved at least a little, being named MVP of my little league team 2 out of the next 9 years (sorry baseball, but revenge is the best fish served cold!) This was just the beginning. I went on from there to strive for excellence in every escapade I underwent, from mundane tasks such as making the best turkey peanut-butter sandwich in the whole county to the metaphysical exploits of winning my school’s science fair 7 times in a row.

However, this all changed on that fateful, disturbing day, May 23rd 2014, that changed my outlook on life forever. My best pal, Alex, and I, were entered in the SWORDS (South West Ohio Regional in Demonstrative Sewing!). Though only sophomores, we came into the competition favored to win it all. That is, until Alex got asked to prom by the most popular senior in our school, Nicky. To my dismay, the prom was the same day as SWORDS and, despite years of training, Alex chose to one cheap night of fun over an accomplishment that would shape the rest of our lives; a decision that I considered a failure of the lowest regard, as Alex not only failed the the team, Alex failed me, Alex’s best friend. 

Ever since then, I have not been able to rely on my friends and family to succeed, as they have failed me time and time again, be it Alex and the SWORDS, or my grandpa dying before he even turned 85. Thus, nowadays, I have learned to rely solely on myself for success. As my history teacher always says “I have a dream”, a quote which resonates with me, not just because it encourages optimism, but because it promotes the self-reliance I have learned to cherish so.
2

Very quickly edit your post and erase the essay. That is a big no no to post on the Internet. Ask for readers and private message it. You only have a 15 minute window to edit a post. Click on the little gear in the top right corner of the post. You don’t want his essay flagged for plagiarism, or copied by someone.

3

What @BrownParent said, and also: 1) all caps is shouting and 2) your son needs to do his own essay- and to ask for readers for himself. If he is able for Harvard he is able for that.

4

Wait, is this a joke? And in another thread you pose as a student. If this is not a joke, and it seems from this essay that it is, do not share accounts, do not post other people’s essays.

5

9.5/10

6

revenge is the best fish served cold

revenge is the best fish served cold

revenge is the best fish served cold

Best wrong version of a common expression I’ve ever read. Your son’s golden for Harvard. /thread

But seriously, whether or not you’re sharing accounts or took the time to craft an entire joke essay, there is too much advanced vocabulary in this essay. It doesn’t sound natural, especially since this is a lighthearted topic to be writing on.

I also don’t really learn anything about your son; it’s not helpful that he only remarks that he “strives for excellence in absolutely everything.” If he’s pulling one of those “let me be extremely ridiculous to show admissions officers that I’m funny” (The other thread about ECs doesn’t mention any of these activities, not even baseball; SWORDS isn’t turning much up on Google; and turkey-peanut-butter sandwiches? Really?), it’s not working. Actually, he comes across as petty and bitter by the end of the essay, if he’s willing to forsake an entire friendship for an accomplishment that most certainly would not shape the rest of his life.

And there are some things, like referring to himself as “Alex’s best friend” and the random quote from his… history teacher, that are just not helping this essay out.

I really, really hope that this isn’t a joke, because I don’t understand the logic of writing a joke essay and posting it on CC. But at the same time, if this really isn’t a joke, I think your son needs to rethink this entire essay; it’s only conveying negative things about him.

7

LOL

I love this thread.

8

If it’s a parody, it’s not bad. But only if the goal is to amuse weary CC members.

9

If it’s real, I don’t get it. As someone else says, your shoehorning in large vocabulary words which just yell out to the reader, I’m over trying this. 5/10

10

?

11

LOl yes amusing to readers of this thread-which I presume was its intended purpose.

12

@Princetonbound77 I preferred your original post :wink:

13

Wow, it’s amazing that MLK is your son’s history teacher!

14

This is gold. First fake essay on CC that’s actually made me laugh out loud.

15

This is hilarious… SWORDS!